Paper Hearts
by RainingMonday
Summary: AU. Addison asks her best friend Derek to be the father of her baby. He agrees, no strings attached, but emotions run wild and things get messy as Derek falls in love with her and Addison runs out of time for her dream to come true. Addek.
1. Part I

**Paper Hearts  
Part I**

**AN: Originally, I was going to wait a while to start posting this story, but I really wanted to share it, so I put it up. It is an AU Addek story. Addison and Derek are both residents at Seattle Grace, along with their friends Preston, Mark, Callie, and Miranda. Addison and Derek were never married but have been friends for years. Most of the characters from Grey's appear, but it doesn't really follow the storyline of the show at all.**

**I don't want to spoil too much of the story, but Addison's condition is something a close of mine has, so that's where I got the idea. Some of this story is very loosely based on what happened to my friend. Just wanted to thank her for inspiration.**

**I got the idea for the title from the song My Paper Heart by the All American Rejects. However, the song doesn't necessarily correspond with the story, I just liked the title. As with the rest of my stories. But anyway, I don't own the song or Grey's Anatomy.**

* * *

_Sometimes, things surprise us. Life takes us down an unforeseen path, or throws some obstacle in the way of our plans. We fall, we run, we whine, we bitch, we change. And then, eventually, we pick ourselves up off the floor, get over it, and make new plans. But it's strange how we never realize just how much our actions can affect those around us . . ._

**Derek**

"Addie! Addie! How'd it go?" Derek Shepherd called after his best friend as she hurried into the resident's locker room. She didn't answer; merely let her long, gorgeous red hair fall in front of her face, hiding her tears.

He fought down the sick feeling forming in his stomach when he saw how upset she was. _Oh no. What went wrong now? Addie doesn't deserve any more bad luck._

He followed her into the locker room, still calling her name. She ignored him. When he reached her locker, she was hurriedly wiping away her tears. "Addie," he said softly. He grabbed her arms gently and turned her towards him, and wiped her face with his sleeve. "How did it go?" he asked softly.

"Fine," she whispered, her voice hoarse from crying. "Everything is fine, Derek, seriously." She pulled away from him and opened her locker.

"Addie, we both know that isn't true . . ." he started, but stopped when she pulled off her shirt. She rummaged in her bag for her scrub top. Derek froze. He hurriedly looked away, before the sight of Addison in a lacy black bra could send his thoughts where he couldn't afford for them to go. It was difficult.

"Derek, you look constipated!" Addison sniffed and started laughing, seeing his facial expression. Derek tried to adjust it while still determinedly not looking at her. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Derek said through gritted teeth, fighting his body's natural reaction to her silky smooth skin, flat stomach and that stupid black bra that covered too much and not enough at the same time. Luckily for Derek, she pulled her scrub top on then, and internally he sighed in relief. "Now, come on, tell me what's up with you."

She sighed and sank down on the bench. Slowly she pulled on her scrub pants while Derek waited for her to start talking. "Well, I went the appointment," she started. Derek nodded encouragingly. He dreaded what she was going to say, because he hated seeing her hurt. And after finding out about her condition, she'd been hurting a lot, both physically and emotionally.

"I have to have a complete hysterectomy," she told him quietly. "Dr. Cashew wants to do it as soon as possible, but I tried to convince her that isn't what I want to do."

Derek took her hand, and she squeezed it. "Addison, I know how hard this is going to be. But you need the surgery, and you'll feel better after you have it."

"I want a baby, Derek."

"Oh." Oh. Oh. Oh. He felt like an idiot.

She took a deep breath, and wiped away a few fresh tears. "I still have a few months to have one, and I'm going to try. Pregnancy can sometimes alleviate some of the symptoms. I know it might be hard, being a resident and all, but other surgeons have kids and family. And I've always wanted a baby. I thought I would have all the time in the world to have kids, but now I don't . . . so I guess it's happening now."

"Wow, a baby," he said softly.

"Yeah," she said with a smile. "I want to, you know, conceive naturally, I think. Plus fertility treatments cost so much, and I don't have that kind of money."

"What about your parents?" Derek asked.

"Derek, you know I haven't talked to them in years."

"Yeah . . ." Addison, his Addison, with a baby. It wasn't as hard to picture as he thought it was going to be. But whenever he saw Addison cradling a tiny red haired child, he saw himself beside her, letting the baby, their baby grab his finger.

_That'll never happen, Derek, stop dreaming, _he told himself. The fantasy of them together, with a child, melted out of his mind slowly. Derek had been in love with her for years. He met her in med school, and they'd quickly become friends. They'd stayed friends throughout school, their internships at Seattle Grace Hospital, and now their residencies. He'd always been there for her, but he'd never had enough courage to tell her he loved her in a non-platonic way.

"So, the mixer tonight. Lots of new interns," Addison said with a smile, skillfully changing the subject. Her comment pulled Derek back to the present from all the memories of the times he'd tried and failed to tell her he loved her.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Richard already said I had to go."

Addison laughed. "You know we have to go, we're residents.

"I hate parties."

"Oh, poor baby," she teased. He reached out and started tickling her. "Hey, Derek, don't. Derek, stop! Derek, Derek!" she said, laughing uncontrollably.

"Who's a baby now?" he asked, grinning.

"I – can't – breathe – Derek!" she panted, trying to stop laughing long enough to get a breath. Suddenly she started coughing. Derek pulled back immediately. "I'm fine," she said quickly, annoyed. "Seriously, Derek, I was just coughing. It has nothing to do with . . . well, anything."

He nodded. He knew that, but he was on edge from constantly worrying about her. He had to watch her suffer every month when she was in pain and it hurt him too, seeing her like that. "I have an idea," he said, to distract her. "I'll come to the mixer without complaining if you come to my apartment afterwards."

"Derek, I practically live there," she laughed.

"Wait, I wasn't finished. You come over, and we get to watch whatever movies I pick."

She thought it over. "Deal," she said finally, holding out her hand. Derek shook it and let go quickly, wishing he could hold on and just never let go.

When they were finally both dressed in scrubs, Addison grudgingly because Derek knew she preferred her pencil skirts and high heels, they left the locker room together. She was smiley and chatty as usual, but as he studied her face in the early morning sun as he walked through the hospital, he knew there was something she wasn't telling him.

* * *

**Addison**

Damn it. She hadn't asked him. She'd meant to ask him.

She'd meant to ask him if he would be the father of her baby. He was a great guy, she couldn't think of anyone better. And she didn't have time anymore to wait until she was married or in a serious relationship. She wanted a baby so badly it felt like a constant ache in her stomach.

It was hard seeing all the tiny kids playing in jungle gyms at the mall when she knew she might not ever have that. The likelihood of her conceiving was not the best, although her doctor thought she had a chance. But that chance slipped away with every month that passed, and soon, if she didn't do something, it would be lost forever.

Addison realized that to someone else, it might have seemed weird that she was asking her best friend to be the father of her baby. But as she walked beside Derek to get coffee before rounds, she was reminded of all the reasons it was a good idea. He was kind and caring and handsome and smart. He had a good relationship with his family, and he was loved by all his patients. His smile was like the sun, and she couldn't help being affected by the pure goodness that radiated from him, not to mention the charm. She knew almost everything about him, and she didn't think she'd find anyone more perfect, no matter how long she searched.

There was just one teensy, tiny flaw in her plan. She blushed as she thought about it, and glanced at Derek, who was buying them both hot coffees. That only made her blush more as she pictured them _doing it. _If Derek agreed, and she hoped he would, although she wasn't completely sure how he was going to feel about the whole thing. If he did, then they would have to have sex.

It wasn't that Addison wasn't attracted to Derek, she was. She remembered when she first met him and Mark in college. She had offered to help the two clueless boys do their laundry. They had stood side by side, looking completely gorgeous, as she explained how much fabric softener to use on their clothes. The three had ended up all best friends. She'd had a crush on Derek from the beginning, but she'd been hopelessly geeky, not to mention two years younger than everyone else on account of her skipping two grades of school as a kid. She'd once confessed to Mark that she liked Derek. Mark had said to wait, and that Derek would grow out of the brainless blondes eventually. And he was right, but by that time it was too late. She herself blossomed, and, with the help of her friend Naomi, transformed from geek to beauty. But when Derek finally grew up and noticed how gorgeous Addison was, she had moved on and was over him.

The problem was that Addison didn't want sex to ruin their friendship. She hadn't exactly had a lot of good sexual experiences in the past. Also, her friendships with Derek and Mark were extremely precious to her. She was afraid that if she and Derek had sex, it would change everything and it would be awkward. But they didn't think of each other in a romantic way, so they could have _just sex,_ right? Surely he would agree to that? She knew he had meaningless one night stands, maybe not all the time like Mark, but often enough. This would be no different, other than that they were trying to make a baby. It was the perfect solution. Derek could be there for the child if he or she ever wanted to meet their father. But there would be none of the messy feelings that usually accompanied such relationships.

_I'll ask him after the mixer tonight, _she promised herself.

* * *

**So, please tell me what you thought of this and if you think I should continue :D  
I know I didn't fully explain what's happening to Addison, but I will in later chapters.  
And yes, I named the doctor Cashew. Hey, I get my kicks where I can. Although I doubt anyone else finds it as amusing as I do. Whatever, my story, I don't care.**

* * *


	2. Part II

**Paper Hearts  
Part II**

**Since the reaction to the first chapter was so good I decided to post this earlier than I thought. Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews, they definitely motivated me. And btw, for those who asked, my friend who inspired this story is doing great :D**

* * *

_The thing we want most is often the thing we can't have. It's funny how the world sometimes works that way, as if it is mocking us. The horse that never gets the carrot dangling on a string in front of it. That horse works hard for that carrot; does the carrot give a fuck? No, it doesn't. Sometimes the thing we want constantly eludes us. Perhaps because it's not meant to be, or perhaps because the only good things in life are the ones worth working for._

**Derek**

"Addie, hurry up!" Derek yelled, pounding on the door. He was already in a bad mood from having to wear a suit. Mark stood beside him, whistling and looking completely at ease.

"You can come in!" she called back from within. Derek and Mark walked into her cheerful, clean apartment. Addison came out of the bathroom a minute later, a curler in one hand and a tube of mascara in the other. "I'm almost ready," she said breathlessly before running back into the bathroom.

"She was still in a bathrobe, right? That means what, another half hour at least?" Derek asked Mark.

"You sounded almost relieved, Derek. You're trying to put this off for as long as possible, aren't you?" Mark asked, amused.

"You can't possibly be looking forward to this thing, Mark!" Derek said, indignant.

"There'll be lots of hot interns wearing skimpy dresses. What's not to look forward to?" Mark asked with a grin.

"Manwhore," Derek muttered under his breath. Mark shrugged, unconcerned.

"So did Addie tell you about the, um, baby thing?" Mark asked after a minute.

"Yeah," Derek said quietly.

"So . . ."

"So, she wants a kid. What more is there to say?" Derek asked.

"Give me a break, Shep. Either she's going to get with some other guy and you're going to be heartbroken, or it's gonna be your kid and, well . . ."

Derek laughed. "Don't be ridiculous, Mark. She would never . . . she doesn't think of me that way."

"If you say so."

"Mark, Derek, I need you!" Addison called from her bedroom. "I don't know which to wear," she said, indicating two dresses.

"Addison, what you think we are, gay?" Mark asked.

"I don't know. Sometimes I think the manwhoring is just a cover," Addison joked, winking at him.

"Seriously, though, Addie, we don't know anything about stuff like this," Derek told her, and she pouted.

"Just tell me which one you like better, how hard can it be?" she asked.

"I like the red one. There's less of it," Mark said. Addison gave him a dirty look.

"Thanks a lot, Mark. Next time I want to know which outfit will make me look sluttier, I'll know who to ask."

"Just doing my thing, babe," Mark said with a grin. Addison smacked him.

"Seriously. Help me. Or else I'm going in a towel."

"Fine by me," Mark said.

"SHUT UP, Mark!" Addison finally lost it, aiming a shoe at him. Derek sighed and walked over to the dresses. He ran a hand over the silky material of first the red one and then the black. He imagined her in both of them, and then he imagined her without either of them . . .

Derek shook himself quickly. "Wear the red one, Addie. I like it. Show off a little. Make the poor male interns stutter."

Addison grinned and laughed. "Alright," she agreed, disappearing into the bathroom.

When she reappeared a minute later, in the gorgeous red dress, Derek couldn't stop staring. It hugged her long, slim frame perfectly, showing off her mile-long legs and flawless figure. It showed off just enough creamy skin to send the minds of all men spinning off into fantasies. Her red hair was styled perfectly, as always. She was so unbelievably, inescapably beautiful that it took Derek's breath away.

He noticed Mark admiring her too. He didn't really mind, because it was Mark, and Mark looked at anything with boobs but would never put the moves on Addison, no matter how much he teased her. But it did remind him that there would be many men at the hospital function that night, and they would all be looking at her. Worst of all was the fact he had no claim on her. Someone else would sweep her off her feet, eventually, she was just too amazing. And he would stand watching, unable to do a thing, because she'd never noticed him like that.

The mixer was every bit as bad as he thought it was going to be. Everyone looked when he, Mark, and Addie entered, a few minutes late. Most of the males had never looked away from her. But that wasn't the only thing bugging Derek. The dancing was bad enough. He never danced. The music was annoying. The food was bad. The interns were already infuriating. Derek resisted the urge to start banging his head against the wall next to him.

One of the interns was staring at Addison hungrily. Derek instantly decided to learn his name and make his life hell. Or maybe he'd just punch him. He watched the intern for a few minutes, and found out his name was Alex Karev. Another intern-to-be was watching her with his mouth open. Derek nearly laughed. He looked like a lost puppy. No chance at all, unlike Karev, who at least had looks going for him. He decided to let it go in the case of the guy whose name he later heard was George O'Malley. Even his friend Preston Burke was having trouble taking his eyes off Addison long enough to talk to the Asian girl trying to get his attention.

It was a complete freaking nightmare.

Eventually Derek found himself by the punch, trying to escape from the terrible evening. "Is it that good?" a voice beside him asked.

"What?" Derek asked, distracted. He had been so focused on Addison and being jealous and pretending not to be jealous that he hadn't noticed someone standing next to him.

"The punch. Is it that good? You've had at least five cups." A sweet-looking blonde intern told him with a charming smile. She was pretty. She had nothing on Addie, but she looked nice enough.

"Uh, no, it's gross. I just hate parties," Derek explained.

"Are you going to ask her to dance?" the intern asked him.

"Who?"

"The redhead you keep staring out. Is she your girlfriend or something?"

"What? No, she's not my girlfriend. Besides, I can't dance."

"Me neither," she admitted. "I'm Meredith, by the way. Meredith Grey."

"I'm Derek. Derek Shepherd," he said, holding his hand out to her. He tried not to watch as almost every man in the place got a turn twirling Addison around the dance floor. Including his new unbeknownst rival, Karev.

Meredith Grey continued to talk to him, and he nodded along, trying to act like he was paying attention while secretly scoping out Addison. He saw Mark flirting with a dark haired intern who Meredith told him was her half-sister, Lexie.

"Hey," Addison, said, approaching them a few minutes later with Mark behind her. She smiled at Meredith and linked her arm playfully in Derek's. Derek didn't miss Meredith's glare, probably resulting from the fact that Addison could get his attention so easily. "Mark and I are ready to go, but if you want to stay . . ."

"No, I'm ready. Let's go," Derek said. "Mark, I need you to find someplace else to sleep tonight. Okay?" he asked when they got in the car.

"Derek, are you kicking me out of our apartment?"

"Me and Addie are having a movie night."

"So?" Mark asked. Usually they all did movie nights together.

"There's something she's not telling us, and I'm going to try to figure out what it is," Derek explained quietly to Mark. Addison was in the back, obliviously watching the rain make wet tracks down the car windows. Mark glanced back at her and nodded.

"Shouldn't be too hard to find something to occupy myself with tonight," he said with his trademark smirk. "Just drop me off at Joe's."

* * *

**Addison**

"Derek?" Addison asked softly. She had just sat through the Dark Knight, Tropic Thunder, and the Longest Yard. Now they were both sprawled on Derek's floor, staring at the blank TV.

Addison was too tired to move, too tired even to fall asleep. The clock on Derek's microwave said 3:54 a.m.

"What?" Derek groaned from beside her. His normally perfect hair was sticking up and her arm was pressed up against his bare, warm, well-muscled chest. They were both wearing pairs of Derek's pajama bottoms, although Addison had a tee-shirt to go with hers.

"I need to talk to you," she whispered, and he sat up instantly, nearly bumping his head.

"Alright," he agreed groggily.

"I was just . . . thinking. You know, about the baby," she started hesitantly. How was she supposed to do this? Just blurt it out? Take it slow? How did you ask a friend to become a dad for you?

Derek nodded encouragingly for her to go on.

"I want it to have a father, you know? Not just some sperm donor it'll never see. But . . . I don't see myself getting married anytime soon. I'm not in a stable relationship; I'm not in any relationship at all."

Derek looked completely confused. "So . . . are you asking me to help you find a father for your baby?"

"No, Derek, I'm asking . . . will _you_ be the father of my baby?"

* * *

**Cliffhanger! Sorry about that. Well, sorta.  
I promise next time you'll find out what's wrong with Addison.  
And yes, the towel thing was a reference to when Kate Walsh wore a towel on Jimmy Kimmel. That was freaking hilarious :).**

* * *


	3. Part III

**Paper Hearts  
Part III**

**So, I thought I wouldn't have an internet connection, but I do, so I'm updating, yay! I just wanted to say I don't really have time to reply to reviews, but I definitely appreciate them!! I'm glad so many people are enjoying the story, so here's the next chapter.**

* * *

_One question, one request, one action, can change a life forever. It seems simple at the time, not a big deal, but as life continues on down its winding path things become hopelessly entangled. Discoveries are made, truths are told, and nothing turns out how we thought it was going to. Life happens, but not in the ways we expected or hoped._

**Derek**

_WHAT?_

"Wha- Addie, you want me to – you want – you want us to have a child? Together?" he asked, stuttering in complete surprise.

It was everything he had ever wanted. But not in the way he wanted it. He didn't want to be Addison's sperm donor; he wanted to be the love of her life. But . . . if this _was _his dream, shouldn't he want any little part of it he could get? If it was really what he wanted, even if in a left handed way, shouldn't he agree?

Addison didn't know how he felt about her. She knew he loved her, but she didn't know he was in love with her. She wasn't trying to hurt him; she was trying to have a baby.

Her perfect copper hair was mussed and her makeup slightly smeared, but she was the most perfect thing he'd ever seen, sitting there in his living room, raw moonlight illuminating her face. His heart felt like it was going to beat out his chest containing so much love for one person. He loved how she didn't take crap from anyone. He loved how she was so kick-ass. He loved the sound of her heels echoing in the hospital hallways, which she wore no matter how sore her feet were. He loved the way she danced in the rain and twirled in the sunlight. He loved her sarcastic comments, which never failed to make him laugh. He loved the way she could see things, look at everyone and know their secrets, every secret except for one. It was the one he had always kept hidden, the one that it was killing him not to tell her.

He would do anything for her. Anything. So yes, he would do this for her too.

* * *

**Addison**

"I – not like that," Addison hurried to reassure Derek, whose mouth had fallen open in shock. "This isn't – I mean – not like that. I'm not saying we should get together or anything. Just have a baby, that's it. You don't have to, like, help raise the kid if you don't want to. I mean obviously, you _could_ spend time with him or her, but you don't have to . . ."

"Addie, you're rambling," Derek said gently.

"I know, sorry. It's just that I really want this, Derek. And you're the most amazing guy I know, and I hope my child will turn out at least a little bit like you. Trust me, this is just about the baby, I won't try to trap you or anything. But I need a father for the baby, and you're the perfect guy."

Derek hesitated for only a brief second. "Of course I'll be the father, Addison."

She smiled in relief. "Thanks, Derek! Thank you so much. I'm glad my baby will have such a great daddy, and amazing genes, too."

"So, you said you wanted to do this naturally. Does that mean we have to, um . . ." Addison blushed as Derek trailed off.

"Well, yeah," she admitted. "But come on. It's us. We've seen each other naked _so_ many times before. We can just have sex. We're not in love, but we do love each other. It won't be hard." She saw him gulp.

"Addie, that might be kind of . . . I don't know. Are you sure?"

"Of course, Derek. We just have to agree to not let it affect our relationship," Addison explained. She hoped he wouldn't back out now. She was convinced that they really could have meaningless sex. There were other options, like IVF, but those took time and money, both of which she was in short supply of. And she was hoping that Derek would want to be involved in the life of his child, unlike a lot of other guys.

"So, um, when do we start?" Derek asked, getting a little flustered.

Addison smoothed back her hair and sighed. "Well, I have to track my cycle and find out which days would be best to conceive. We, um, well, have sex on those days, I guess."

"Sounds good," Derek said in an unnaturally high voice.

"I have another doctor appointment tomorrow, so I'll talk to my doctor about everything then." He nodded. "Hey," she said softly, "Let's not let this affect our friendship, alright? That is the most important thing to me, and I don't want to do this if I'm going to end up losing you."

Derek smiled and grabbed her hand. "Of course we can do this, Adds. But I think we should go to sleep now, it's almost four in the morning."

"I'm comfortable right here," she said, resting her head on his chest.

"Me too," he whispered, too quietly for her to hear.

* * *

**Derek**

What the _hell_ had he just agreed to?

It wasn't a good idea, it was a completely messed up idea. He couldn't believe she'd asked him, and he couldn't believe he'd agreed. He'd agreed, regardless of the fact that he would almost definitely get hurt. He would sacrifice anything for just a few moments with her.

He remembered Mark's words earlier that night. He'd been right. If Addison had gotten pregnant with someone else's child, it would have crushed him. He sighed as he looked at her sleeping beside him. He couldn't refuse her anything. She deserved to be happy, and she thought that this was her solution.

Derek would have to pretend it was meaningless. Pretend he didn't care; pretend he could be just her friend. He could do that for her, so she could have a baby before it was too late. And then once the baby was born, he could take care of both of them, and be there for him. Just as a friend, of course, but he would get to spend time with his child and everything.

* * *

**Addison**

"Addison Montgomery?" Addison looked up from the magazine she was flipping through when they called her name. She stood up slowly and followed the doctor back, clutching her purse tightly.

She was led to Dr. Cashew's office. Dr. Cashew gestured for her to take a seat. "How are you today, Addison?"

"Fine," Addison yawned. "Late night, though, and then I had to go straight to work."

The doctor nodded. "Before we get started, I just want to make sure that you're sure about this, Addison. Your case of endometriosis is not mild. You know that endometriosis causes tissue similar to the lining of the uterus, which should only be found in the uterus, to be found elsewhere in the body. The endometriosis lesions have caused scarring that not only leads to pain, but may have decreased fertility. You've been having some serious, crippling pain, Addison, which has been affecting your quality of life. I think the hysterectomy will really benefit you."

"I want to try to have a baby first," Addison said quietly but firmly.

"Okay, but I'm warning you, we're not completely sure where the scarring is. It could be on your ovaries, fallopian tubes, on the pelvic sidewall, or anywhere else in the area. Based on your tests, it seems you have a chance of conceiving, but no guarantees. You've already had laparoscopic surgery to try and correct the problem, as well as hormone therapy. I just want to make sure you're making an informed decision."

"I am," Addison said. She knew all about her condition, and she felt the excruciating pain every month during her period. She was willing to endure it all to hold her child in her arms.

"Okay," Dr. Cashew said. "Now, you said you wanted to do this naturally, so I'm assuming you know who is going to be the father. Normally, I'd have you both in here to discuss this and have fertility tests and therapy, but there really isn't time. If you're not successful in the first four months or so, we'll have to resort to that." Addison nodded. "You should start having intercourse five days before ovulation, and continue for two days after. That means you should start in three days."

"Three days," Addison whispered softly. Dr. Cashew nodded.

"You have a week of conception intercourse. You probably know, as a doctor, that an embryo can take 7-12 days to implant. You start your menstrual cycle about fourteen days after ovulation. You can take a blood test to find out if you're pregnant, or you can wait and see if you have your period, it's up to you. I still want you to come in every month."

Addison agreed. She listened as Dr. Cashew gave her fertility tips, but only because she had nothing better to do. She could always ask Naomi about it later, once she got around to telling her friends. She left the office a few minutes later and walked out into the light rain. It was one of those strange days where it was sunny and rainy at the same time.

She was so excited to be having a baby, she gave an experimental twirl. Her light dress swirled around her legs, and she giggled. She knew she probably looked stupid, but she didn't care. She was just too happy.

* * *

**Derek**

"Okay, man, seriously, what is up?" Mark asked Derek as they grabbed seats at the bar. Derek waved Joe over and ordered two double scotch single malts.

"Nothing. Nothing is up, Mark. Everything is fine. Everything is fucking perfect, actually." He downed his drink in one gulp and slid it back to Joe.

"Give me a break, Shep. I'm not stupid. Addison was _humming _today in the pit. And when she went to get results for our patient, I think she actually skipped, Derek. Addison doesn't skip."

Derek sighed and finished his second drink. "She asked me."

Mark frowned in confusion, taking a sip of his own drink. "She asked you what?"

"To be the father," Derek whispered quietly. He put his head in his hands and sighed.

"And . . . ?" Mark asked. "What did you say?" Derek didn't answer. "I guess I can figure it out for myself," Mark said slowly. "Jeez, Derek, what did you get yourself into?"

"I don't know!" Derek moaned. "I want Addison, and I would love to have a baby with her, but not . . . not like this."

"But you're going to anyway," Mark guessed.

"What else can I do?" Derek asked desperately. "She wants this so badly, Mark. If I don't do it, she might not get to have a baby. And she picked _me _to be the father. Out of all the billions of guys in the world, she picked me. She thinks that highly of me. I can't just not do it."

"Yeah, but you could tell her how you feel," Mark suggested.

"No, I can't. This proves that she doesn't feel that way about me. If she picks me to be the one to have meaningless sex with her, she obviously doesn't feel anything for me."

Mark shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe she secretly feels the same way about you. She used to be in love with you, you know. In college."

"She was?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, back when you were dating Brittany, Nikki, and Candy all in one week."

"Right," Derek sighed. "I was such an idiot back then. But seriously, Mark, I don't think she thinks of me like that at all."

"No offense, Shep, but you are in way over your head here."

"I know."

* * *

**I tried to explain endometriosis as best as I could in a story, but if it's still confusing I suggest you google or wiki it.  
Don't forget to review! :D :D**

* * *


	4. Part IV

**Paper Hearts  
Part IV**

**Well, things really start to heat up in this one. I didn't want to bump the rating, so . . . smut warning. Hehe. I don't think it's that bad at all, but I thought I'd put it in here just in case. But the warning is mostly for the next chapter anyway. And . . . you'll find out what I'm talking about if you read it.**

**Also, I decided to put Naomi in the story. And Sam. They work Seattle Grace too, although not they are not surgical residents.**

* * *

_Who actually realizes it when they're standing on the edge of a figurative cliff? In life, things happen, big and small. Some are inconsequential, and some are life altering. Once we jump off, our lives are changed forever. But we don't know that. We thought that cliff was a ledge; a small step; a pinprick compared to our life as a whole. But then we're falling._

**Addison**

"Addison! There's something you aren't telling us, isn't there?" Callie said, approaching Addison as she was filling out post-op notes. Addison glanced up and turned back to her notes almost immediately. She knew, by looking at the expression on Callie's face, that she was going to get it out of her eventually. Her friends Miranda and Naomi were right behind her. "You look strange, you've been avoiding us, and you haven't called me back in four days."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Addison said quickly.

"Come on, Addison, you have to tell us. I know you already told Mark and Derek, whatever it is. Derek had the weirdest look on his face today," Naomi said.

"Did he?" Addison's stomach did little flip flops. It had been three days since she'd been to the doctor. And she knew what that meant. "Well, I'm not really sure what that could be about . . ."

"Cut the crap, Addison, and tell us what's going on!" Miranda told her sternly.

"Okay, okay, let's go get some lunch and I'll tell you," Addison conceded. The four residents hurried to the cafeteria and quickly purchased food and sat down. "Okay, so I had my appointment the other day," she began.

"Oh, Addie," Naomi said softly.

Addison swallowed nervously. "The endometriosis is bad enough that I'm going . . . I'm going to have to have a hysterectomy." There. She'd said it.

"Addison, I'm so sorry," Miranda said. She had mentioned wanting to have a baby to them before.

"The internal scarring is getting worse, but . . . I have a few months left. So I'm going to try to have a baby." Her friends all gasped in delight.

"Addison, that's great!" Naomi said.

"I can't wait!" Callie told her excitedly.

"So are you going to get a sperm donor?" Miranda asked.

Addison hesitated. She and Derek had agreed not to tell anyone but Mark. So she said, "Yeah, something like that." It wasn't completely a lie.

"Hey!" Derek, Mark, Preston, and Sam called, sitting down at their table.

"So, we get our interns tomorrow, after their orientation today," Preston said.

Derek banged his head on the table. "Great. I hate interns."

"I love interns," Mark said. "Young, innocent, non-corrupted interns."

"Manwhore," everyone else at the table muttered.

Addison met Derek's eyes, trying to communicate that she needed to talk to him. He just frowned at her quizzically.

Feeling butterflies in her stomach, she sent him a text. _My house, when we get off tonight._

Across the table, Derek checked his phone. He looked startled when he read her message. He looked across the table at her, but she stared down at her lap, refusing to meet his eyes. A minute later her phone vibrated, and she opened it quickly. _Tonight? So you're . . . you know. Today is one of your fertile days?_

She grinned. _You are such a sissy; you couldn't write 'ovulating' in a text, could you? And I'm not actually ovulating today, but we're supposed to start five days before, so yes, today is one of my days. So are you up for tonight? _Her hands were shaking slightly. They were really going to do this. She was going to have sex with her best friend tonight.

_Well, I am a guy. Using those terms is a little weird for me. Besides, I don't usually text about the female anatomy._

_You're a doctor, Derek! You have to deal with all kinds of stuff all the time! You're not a neurosurgeon yet._

He ignored that comment._ Tonight is good._

_Okay, well . . . good. _She snapped her phone shut before her friends could take it and start reading her texts.

* * *

**Derek**

"Okay, so . . . anything I need to know?" Derek asked Addison as she let him into her apartment later that night. His hands were dug deep into his pockets and balled into fists. The pain of his nails digging into his skin helped distract him from what he was feeling. He wanted this. He did. But his and Addison's long friendship was about to embark on a journey it might never recover from.

"Well, I talked to the doctor about it. She said that in order to have the best chance per month, we have a week of conception sex. Afterwards I should stay in bed and not go the bathroom for thirty minutes. She also said we should . . . uh . . . try to orgasm together. Then, after the conception week, I can either have a blood test to determine if I got pregnant or wait and see if I get my period," she said as she walked into her bedroom.

The familiar room had gained new weight, and new meaning for Derek. He had been privy to Addison's deepest secrets; he was, after all, her best friend. But seeing her clothes and her possessions and her _bed _in this context was completely different.

They stood on either side of the bed, just staring at each other. "I don't know how to do this," Addison admitted. She looked so nervous, and so beautiful at the same time, that Derek was having a hard time resisting taking her right there. Instead, he walked over and put his hands on her shoulders. She was wearing a silky light green dressing gown over a thermie and cropped sweatpants.

"Addie, remember, it's us. Just us," he said soothingly. He swept her long hair away from her face softly, and her mesmerizing blue eyes met his. Blue. He wanted to remember that. Her eyes looked blue the first time he made love to her. He leaned forward slowly, and her eyes flicked down to his mouth as he drew closer. Her mouth fell open slightly as Derek held her head in his hands and closed the distance between them.

* * *

**Addison**

It was all happening too fast. Yes, she'd said she wanted this, and she did. But she'd only had three days to think about the implications of what she was doing with her best friend . . .

His hands were cupping her face, and his skin was very warm. She kept thinking he was going to kiss her, but instead he was just staring at her. He had a strange expression on his face. He was looking at her as if he only had a few minutes left to live, and she was the last thing he would see. It was an infinitely tender expression, and in that moment Addison thought life had never felt more right. There was just them two standing there, looking into each other's souls.

He leaned forward, and she mirrored his movement, and as she closed her eyes their lips met for the briefest second. Their first kiss was soft, short, and heartbreakingly tender. An unbelievable feeling swept through her, just from that slightest touch. She felt dizzy in the best way possible. They looked at each other for a brief second, eyes opened wide in wonder, and then Addison couldn't stand it any longer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately, forgetting all else as their lips met again.

There was nothing she could feel that wasn't Derek. It was as if the outside world didn't exist. It took her breath away; she would have been surprised to be feeling that much from just kissing her best friend if she had been able to think at all.

* * *

**Derek**

Kissing Addison was not like kissing anyone else. He felt like he'd been floating around before, like a rock in outer space. Then, when she kissed him, she nailed him down, and the whole universe shifted to revolve around them.

Feelings formed in the pit of his stomach – an uncountable number of feelings. Lust and love, obviously, but also wonder, nervousness, anticipation, hope, expectation, and a whole score of other things. He felt he would be happy just kissing her for the rest of his life.

He shivered as her soft tongue pressed up against his lips, begging for entrance. He parted them, and her tongue slipped inside his mouth to duel with his. He let out an involuntary moan that Addison copied a second later, breathing hot breath into his mouth. She tasted like nothing he'd ever tasted before. A hint of cinnamon, probably from the gum she chewed, a bit of vanilla, she must have had ice cream for dinner, and a whole host of other flavors that could only be described as Addison.

She pulled back and bit his lip softly, and he felt his body respond. He pressed her up against the wall of his bedroom, and he knew she could feel his hardness since there was not a millimeter of space between their two bodies.

To his surprise, Addison unwrapped her arms from him and shed her silk robe. In-between kisses, she pulled off her thermie and sweatpants, leaving her in only her underwear. They were cream lace, and there wasn't much of them, and the mere fact that she'd worn them for him, worn them for this, made him feel like he was about to bust out of his pants. But he didn't quite understand why she had undressed so quickly. Confused, he reluctantly pulled back. "Addie, what are you doing?"

* * *

**Addison**

What did he mean 'what are you doing?' "What do you think I'm doing, Derek?" she said angrily, leaning away from him.

"Hey," he said softly. "I just thought we would take it slow, that's all." His closeness was very distracting, especially when she could feel his erection pressing into her.

"What do you mean, Derek?" What was _wrong _with him? Didn't he want to have sex already? Wasn't that what all guys wanted? She was standing there in her freaking underwear.

In her experience, there was a little making out, a little touching, and then the guy wanted sex. Was that not always the case?

* * *

**Derek**

"Well . . . I know we're doing this just to make a baby, but that doesn't mean it can't be, well, pleasurable," he said. He bit his lip after he said it, nervous that she was going to freak out.

"Derek . . . look, I get it. I'm not like the blonde models you usually date. Let's not sugarcoat this. Let's just get it over with."

She thought he wasn't attracted her? She was insane. The sight of her standing there clad only in lace was driving him nuts. She looked so beautiful, angelic, even, that he was having trouble believing he was actually standing there with her, that it wasn't just a dream. He couldn't believe she was so oblivious to how she looked. "Addie, first of all, you're beautiful."

"I'm not, Derek," she laughed. "But thanks for saying that."

"You are," Derek said, meeting her skeptical gaze with an intense look. He knew her lack of self confidence was the only leftover from her geeky phase. "And second of all . . . what do you mean get it over with? That's no fun," he teased. She merely stared at him. It made him wonder what sex had been like for her in the past. "Addie," Derek said slowly, "What exactly has sex . . . been like for you before?"

"What do you mean? Sex is sex, Derek. Not a big deal. For me, anyway."

"If sex is sex, Addison, why do people do it all the time? You've never had good sex, have you?" he asked. She just stared at him. "Addie, sex can be just sex, but it can also be amazing, and intimate, and mindblowing."

She bit her lip. "That's what people say . . . it's just, I was a geek in college, and I haven't exactly had sex a lot of times . . . and it was just never that good." It made him angry to think she'd been with guys who only cared about their own pleasure and not hers. They had made her think there was only sex, not lovemaking. He would have to prove them wrong.

Derek smiled. "Well, we'll just have to change that, won't we? Let me show you. All you have to do is trust me."

* * *

**A slight cliffhanger, but I promise that next time you'll get more of exactly what happens. I'd love to hear what you think of the story so far!**

* * *


	5. Part V

**Paper Hearts  
Part V**

**Not the longest chapter ever, but you get the Addek sex details. So continuation of the smut warning.**

* * *

_Sex. It's never as uncomplicated as we think it's going to be. It's never just an action. There's always emotions. Sometimes, it's just pleasure, or lust. But oftentimes, there's more. And oftentimes, that more goes unacknowledged. It was supposed to be just sex, but we find ourselves wanting it all. It's surprising how quickly lust turns to love, and want turns to need._

**Addison**

She grinned widely, more grateful for him that anyone ever before. "I trust you," she told him, and then he was kissing her again.

His strong arms wrapped around her back, lifting her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He stopped kissing her lips and started kissing her neck, and her breath caught. Never before had anyone been able to do this to her by simply kissing her.

Derek walked over to the bed and set her on the edge. She kept her legs wrapped around him as he kissed her shoulder and the spot between her breasts. She moaned every time his lips met her skin, creating little traces of fire, and she knew she was being loud but she couldn't help it. Derek stopped kissing her for a minute to pull off his shirt. The minute he did she slid her hands all over his muscled chest, showering light little kisses of her own as she went.

She smiled ruefully as she saw how tight his jeans were looking. Her hand moved down to lightly stroke the bulge in his pants and he groaned, biting the skin on her neck softly. She fumbled with his belt in her haste, but she eventually got them off and he stood there wearing only his boxers.

Her skin felt hot and flushed as one of his hands moved down to rub her through her panties. She blushed, he had to feel how wet she already was. For the first time, she was able to appreciate that a surgeon's hands were very skilled at more than just surgery. Addison began rocking her hips against his hand, wanting more and more of him. No one had ever taken the time to do these things with her, and the feelings she was experiencing were all new to her.

* * *

**Derek**

He thought he'd known how wonderful sex could be, and all the emotions that went with it, but he had been wrong. Kissing Addison did more for him than anything before, and all him memories of his past experiences were overwhelmed by his time with her.

He _needed _her, he needed to feel their bodies together, but he sensed that she wasn't ready yet. He slid his hands over her smooth skin, and unclasped her bra. Her moans got deeper and more frequent as first his hand and then his mouth moved her breasts. It confirmed his suspicions that she was feeling as he was; that this was _way _too good to be just sex, like they were supposed to be having.

He continued pleasuring her for a few more minutes, until he sensed that she was getting close. Then he stripped out of his boxers quickly, tossing them to the side. They were followed a second later by her panties.

Sometime during the last few minutes they'd ended up on the bed, with Addison on top straddling him. He held her close to him and rolled them over so he was on top.

There would be all the time in the world to do more, and to explore each other, they would be doing this for a week. Right now, he just needed to be inside of her.

* * *

**Addison**

She felt like she was going out of her mind. The minute Derek's fingers left her she pushed her hips against his, practically begging him to be inside her. "I need you," she said breathlessly.

Derek only nodded, his lips finding hers again. He kissed her once, twice, a third time, and then met her eyes. The look in them almost scared her it was so intense. He lowered himself and then slowly slid inside her. Addison arched her back, impatient.

Him inside her, them together, was the most wonderful feeling in the world. He gave her a minute to adjust to him being there, and then began to move slowly. The feelings, so pleasurable she felt like she could just die right there, intensified. As their bodies moved together, she swore time stopped. Or the world shifted. Or something, because the feeling was so incredible.

They knew each other so well that there was no strangeness, no hesitation, only pleasure as he thrusted deeper and deeper. She hadn't known people could make each other feel like this, but now that she did she never wanted it to stop. Her nails were digging into his back and she was kissing him hungrily and moaning his name over and over and over . . .

"Derek."

_Derek. _

"Derek."

_Derek. _

"_Derek."_

She began incoherent as they came together, both floating away into a sea of shared pleasure. He took her hand and kissed lips so softly she thought she would melt. He continued holding her hand when they were done and he pulled out of her and rolled over to lie beside her.

"You were right," she murmured.

"Of course I was," he chuckled. She smiled, glad that there was somehow no awkwardness. She now knew him on the most intimate level, and she felt even closer to him. They were just friends, but they did love each other, and she was amazed at what that meant they could do for each other.

After a few minutes their breathing returned to normal. Addison thought it might be weird for them to sleep in the same bed after what they had just done. She sat up to go get blankets for him to sleep on the couch, but he pulled her back down.

"You're not supposed to get up, remember, silly? Or was the baby thing all a ploy to get me into bed?" he teased. Addison rolled her eyes but let herself fall back onto the pillows. "So what next?" he asked.

"Well, I guess you can go get the blankets for the couch," she said, giving him a slightly puzzled look.

He laughed. "No, I meant about the whole getting pregnant thing. What next?"

"Oh, that." She grinned. She felt slightly guilty. She'd been so focused on how good the sex had been that she hadn't been thinking about the baby. "Well, we have sex again tomorrow. I know we planned tonight, but my doctor said that it's best if we don't plan it, and do it at all different times."

"So, on-call rooms?" he asked playfully.

"I suppose," she allowed, not really sure about them having sex in so public a place. "Anyway, we continue this for a week, like I said. And afterward, I'm supposed to visualize implantation or some weird thing like that. And exercise when I can, maybe something not too vigorous, like yoga."

"Visualize implantation?" Derek asked with his eyebrows raised.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it," she said, closing her eyes and trying to picture her uterus. Although she wanted to specialize in neonatology, it was still strange. And the egg, if fertilized, would take a few days to implant. But she wanted this to work, so she tried.

"Am I supposed to do it with you?" Derek wanted to know after a minute.

"I don't think it will make a difference whether _you _do it or not, but you can if you want to." He nodded and closed his eyes too. After ten minutes, he kissed her forehead softy, whispered goodnight, and walked out to go sleep on the couch.

* * *

**Derek**

When he woke up the next morning, Addison was gone. But there was a note on the table next to a glass of orange juice and an English muffin, one of the few things she knew how to make.

_Der –_

_Sorry, I got paged early this morning. I wanted to have breakfast and talk about some things, but we can do that later, I guess. Of course you're the one that gets to sleep in, lucky bastard. Anyway I left breakfast out for you, and you can cook some eggs to go with it if you want. I'll see you at the hospital. We get our interns today, YAY! Not. We can torture ours together, huh? See you soon._

_- Addie_

Derek ate quickly, shoveling his food into his mouth without tasting it. He checked his watch, and, seeing that he was almost late, drove recklessly fast to the hospital. When he finally arrived in the entrance, out of breath and having narrowly avoided six accidents, he had to sprint to make it to the locker room in time.

The elevator doors opened and Mark walked on. "So," he said. "You never came home last night, Shep." He studied Derek's face carefully. He knew everything about the arrangement between Addison and Derek. "Was it that bad?"

"No!" Derek moaned. "It was that _good. _I mean, think of the best sex you've ever had."

Mark thought for a minute. "Well, there was this one time with these three -"

"Okay!" Derek said quickly. "I don't need to hear about it. Just imagine that sex, but about ten times better. That's how good it was."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"So how did Addie feel about it?" Mark wanted to know.

"Well, she thought it was amazing too. But it didn't mean to her what it meant to me. Afterwards, we just reverted back to best friends. And I'm glad it wasn't awkward, but I was kind of hoping she felt something more . . . But I don't think she did. She loves me, but I'm in love with her," Derek explained. "And that hurts, but she doesn't realize that. Anyway, the whole point was to make a baby, so that's what I should be focusing on."

* * *

**Sooo . . . what did you think? More things will happen in the next few chapters but I wanted to focus on what exactly Derek and Addison were feeling and experiencing at this point in their relationship. Also, I haven't decided who to put Mark with, so if you have a preference, let me know.**

* * *


	6. Part VI

**Paper Hearts  
Part VI**

**I was actually going to post this yesterday, but then there was finals and studying and stuff. And I know it's short but I promise a longer update very soon – I just wanted to give you something for now. Thank you for all of your feedback!**

* * *

_The aftermath. We don't always truly think about consequences before we do something we want to do. But once we've done it, there is no going back. So we deal with those consequences however we can. We suck it up and cope. And then, just when we think we're doing okay, we do it again. It's called self-destructive for a reason._

**Addison**

Addison remembered her first day at Seattle Grace vividly, and she felt for the nervous interns standing in front of them. Just a year ago, that had been her standing there. She'd been only twenty-three, two or three years younger than everyone else because of the grades she'd skipped. But her, Derek, and Mark all had Richard Webber, who was an attending now, as their resident, and it had been okay.

She looked down at her list of interns.

_Meredith Grey  
__Joshua Taylor  
__Isobel Stevens  
__Rachel Anderson_

She called out their names, and they scurried over quickly, looking apprehensive. She recognized one as the woman Derek had been flirting with at the mixer. Addison took a deep breath and gave them a mischievous smile. "Hi, I'm Dr. Montgomery and I'm going to be your resident. I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one; don't bother sucking up because I already hate you, that's not going to change . . ."

Her four interns followed her around the hospital like ducklings. She was annoyed by the first five minutes. Luckily, Derek caught up with her in the hallway. "Hey," he said, giving her his most charming smile.

"Hey," she replied.

"Yeah, that's Dr. McDreamy . . ." she heard one of the interns say. She turned around, but was unable to identify the culprit. So they were calling Derek McDreamy? What was up with that?

"And McSteamy!" someone whispered as Mark joined their group. Addison suspected Meredith and Izzie, and the Asian girl with them whose name she didn't know.

"Dude, Dr. Montgomery is McHot!" she heard another of them say. She blushed slightly as Mark and Derek came to an immediate halt.

"Dr. Karev," Mark said menacingly. "Do you have something you'd like to say to Dr. Montgomery?"

He merely shrugged. "Fine, Dr. Karev, you're assigned to the pit, until you can keep your mouth shut and show some respect," Derek snapped. The intern walked off looking pissed, and Addison bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"This is going to be more fun than I thought," said Mark with a grin.

They continued to torture their interns for the remainder of the morning. Addison showed them around, and they were all reasonably impressed when Richard Webber picked her for his surgery. Finally, it was lunch time. Addison released her interns to go have lunch with their friends, and she sat down with Derek, Mark, Miranda, Callie and Preston.

"So are you going all Nazi on your interns yet?" Addison asked Miranda.

"Yes, I swear to god those thumb-suckers are going to drive me insane," she said, shaking her head.

"Yeah," Addison sighed. "I got all the screwed up ones. Dr. Taylor is a timid mess, Dr. Anderson thinks she knows everything, Dr. Stevens is annoyingly blonde and perky, and the Dr. Grey won't freaking stop talking."

"You got Ellis's daughter?" Preston asked.

Addison smacked her hand against her forehead. "I knew she looked familiar. Where's Ellis? I'll have to tell her that I have her daughter as an intern." She looked around for the cardiothoracic attending, who was eating lunch with Richard.

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd," a soft voice said. Addison turned to find Meredith standing beside Derek. _Speak of the devil,_ she thought.

"Hello, Dr. Grey," Derek said politely. He caught her staring at them and grinned at her. His hand slipped into his pocket in search of his phone, and a minute later hers buzzed.

_On-call room? _The text said.

_Meet you there in five at the one by room 2211. _She texted back.

* * *

**Derek**

Derek stood up, his thoughts full of Addison and what they were about to do. He was vaguely aware that Meredith was still talking to him. "Excuse me, Dr. Grey," he said to her. He watched as Addison made her excuses to her friends.

He traded a significant look with Mark, who raised his eyebrows and smirked. He was already forgotten, though, as Derek watched Addison walked out of the cafeteria. He hurried after her.

Derek tried to catch up to her, but by the time he arrived in the on-call room, she was already sitting on the bed. She let her body fall back, and Derek joined her. There were purple circles under her eyes, but she still looked stunning. Unisex blue scrubs had never looked better.

She gave him a small smile as the lay facing each other, neither of them moving, but both perfectly comfortable. Derek reached out and gently stroked her cheek. Then he kissed her softly. She started kissing him back and scooted closer until their bodies were nearly touching.

"Derek," she moaned, pulling away.

"What?" he groaned.

"Go lock the door," she said breathlessly. He got up quickly and did as she said before lying back down next to her and capturing her lips again. Derek slipped his hands under her scrub top and gently ran his fingers over her skin. To his surprise, she smiled against his lips. He didn't discover the reason for her smile until he got rid of the scrubs. She was wearing red lacy lingerie, just for him.

The second time was even better than the first. Derek knew exactly what to do to make Addie moan, and when she came, she came biting her lip to keep from screaming. Afterwards they stayed in the on-call room, hiding from their interns for a little while. Derek lifted her newly-donned scrub top and rubbed absentminded circles on her stomach.

"Do you think we made a baby?" he asked her softly.

She smiled, putting her hand over his. "I don't know, but I hope so."

"Yeah, me too," he whispered. It hurt, holding her but knowing she wasn't truly his. But he held on to the belief that he could make her fall in love with him. What they had wasn't just friendship, they were soul mates. Addison just couldn't see it yet.

Both Addison and Derek jumped as someone began banging on the door. "Der, Addie! I know you're in there! I refuse to watch over your crazy goddamn interns for another minute, whether you've made a baby or not!"

Derek got up quickly and yanked open the door to find Mark. Mark peered around him to look at Addison, who was still sitting on the bed, thankfully fully dressed.

"This is really weird," Mark said. "My two best friends doing it? I think I need therapy."

"Don't be such a cry-bag, Mark," Addison said. "We have to hear details of all your one night stands all the time. That's much more disturbing, trust me."

Derek laughed as Mark frowned and Addison elbowed him on her way out of the room. Derek was vaguely aware of Mark staring at him, but all he could see was her. Her glowing smile, her crimson locks, it was all her. She was all he'd ever wanted, and she was also the only thing he couldn't have.

When Addison first found out she had endometriosis a few years ago, she called Derek. When her crush of two months in med school finally asked her out, Derek was the first to know. A few months later, when the guy broke her heart, Derek was the handing her tissues (Although he excused himself later so he and Mark could go beat the guy up.) She told him right after she lost her virginity, she told him how her parents had all but disowned her, and how neither of them had wanted her, and she was the product of a failed abortion. There wasn't anything he didn't know about her.

Once, when he'd demonstrated this knowledge once again by ordering dinner for her, she'd laughed and said, "I know what you can give me for my wedding gift someday. You can make a book for my husband about all the things he needs to know about me."

He'd sat there, stunned, because he had never imagined her marrying any man but himself. "He'll have to pass a test about you before he gets within ten miles of that church," he said gruffly, trying to hide his hurt.

Someday, he'd tell her he loved her. Someday, he'd make her see. Someday, they'd be together. He was hoping that someday would come soon.

* * *

**So Ellis sitting a few tables away was probably a bit surprising. Obviously in this fic she never got Alzheimer's, but her and Meredith's relationship is as rocky as ever. And like I said I'll have the next chapter up soon, but in the meantime you can tell me what you thought . . . :D**


	7. Part VII

**Paper Hearts  
Part VII**

**Here's the next chapter - hope you like it! More Addek sex and some of Addison's past is revealed. It isn't overly eventful - kind of a lull between events, so it focuses a little more on the relationships. Oh, and thank you for all the wonderful reviews!**

* * *

**Derek**

"Admit it!" Addison laughed. "You're so horny you can barely think straight."

There was really no denying it. They were on his bed, and she was straddling him wearing only a pair of lime green panties. He slightly preferred the lace, but she looked beautiful in anything.

He was trying to savor it. Today was the last day. He'd been having sex with his best friend for six days. Derek never wanted it to stop. He would die when suddenly he could no long kiss her, or touch her, or hold her in his arms so tight she could barely breathe. That would be gone, perhaps gone forever.

He wanted them to have made a baby, but he also didn't. He wanted Addison to be happy more than anything, but if they'd made a baby, this wonderful thing they were doing would never happen again. It was selfish, but a part of Derek was hoping for a repeat the next month.

He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips over her collarbone. She shivered and laced her fingers through his hair. "You're right," he murmured, kissing the spot slightly below it. Then he moved down to kiss the swells of her breasts. She moaned and involuntarily began rocking her hips against him. "I can't think – especially when you start doing that."

"What, this?" she asked with a grin, bending her head to pull the string of his sweatpants with her teeth. Her soft hands moved down his bare chest and to his hips to pull them off of him. One hand slipped below the waistband of his boxers. "Or this?" she whispered, licking the skin just above the waistband. Her hands moved to take them off, but he stopped her, grabbing her wrists.

"What's wrong?" she asked, studying his face.

"Addie . . . I want to savor this. It could be the last time." She cocked her head to the side, confused. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, so her head was resting on his chest. "This could be the last time I will ever make love to you, if you do turn out to be pregnant."

She looked slightly surprised, as if she hadn't realized it. "Yeah, well, Derek, that's the way it's supposed to be. We're just friends; this was just about making a baby."

Although he knew she hadn't meant to hurt him, her words felt like a cold knife entering his chest. She really didn't feel anything. "Addie . . ." he said hesitantly. But he couldn't finish. It would ruin their friendship forever if he told her how he felt about her and she didn't feel the same way. It wouldn't be the same after that and it might not even survive it, and he couldn't risk it. So instead of finishing that sentence, he kissed her. His unspoken 'I love you' floated out the window to be lost forever with all his other feelings he couldn't voice.

But he knew his words had had at least some impact on Addison, because every kiss and every touch was lingering and sweet. Their bodies moved slowly together, composing a song made of passion, love, hope and the melancholy knowledge that it was possibly the last time they would feel those things with each other.

Addison gasped as she came and whispered his name softly. Her orgasm sent him over the edge, and they were both bathed in the pleasure of the other. Surrounded by the afterglow of the best sex they'd had yet, and the incredible feelings that sent them somewhere nothing else could. Derek saw tears in her eyes as she sighed and fell back onto his chest. He kissed her stomach softly and held her tight to him, stroking her hair.

The last time. The last time had been so sweet and loving he wasn't sure exactly how he was going to survive without her. She would be next to him, with a joke or a smile or a comforting word, but he wouldn't have her like this. But Derek knew that wanting more was wrong. That wasn't what they'd agreed to, and she didn't even know all this time it had meant more to him. He knew he had to be grateful he'd gotten even that much of her.

* * *

**Addison**

It felt strange to Addison that this would no longer be happening every day. She had to remind herself that Derek was her best friend. They were having sex to have a baby. There was nothing more. And yes, it was good sex. Amazing sex. Okay, mind-blowing sex.

Someday, she hoped to find what they had with someone else. She dreamed of a guy who was in love with her _and _cared about her as much as Derek did.

Derek's words roused her from her thoughts. "So, I was thinking . . . we're going to find out if there's a baby soon. Do you want to go buy pregnancy tests so we're ready in case?"

She sat up and looked at him. They were both naked under his indigo flannel sheets. Also, it was past midnight. But he had a pleading look in his blue eyes. "Why exactly . . ."

"Well, Addie," he said, taking her hand, "I really think we might have made a baby. And so it would really be special right now to be prepared by going and buying them." She took in his earnest expression. She smiled at the sight of his mussed coal black hair. She slowly got up and walked to his dresser and pulled on a pair of his fleecy pajama pants and a bright blue striped Henley.

"If you want to go to the drugstore, get your ass out of bed!" she told him with a grin. He smiled too and jumped out of bed, pulling on random clothes from his floor.

The only light in his car came from the illuminated dashboard. Derek's sweaty hand was clutching hers between them as he steered one-handed. Although they wouldn't be able to find out yet, buying the tests made it seem more real to Addison. The concept of his child growing inside her seemed less a fantasy and more a reality when they pulled up to the drugstore and went straight to the isle with the pregnancy tests.

Addison bit her lip to keep from laughing when she realized how it had to look. She and Derek were both haphazardly dressed in random clothes. It was the middle of the night and neither of them had brushed their hair or done anything since they'd had sex. They looked like a panicked couple who had realized they might be pregnant and had rolled out of bed and rushed to the store. The few people in there with them were giving them knowing looks.

She leaned over to tell Derek, since he would have probably found it funny, but he was immersed in reading the backs of the tests. His lips were moving silently and he was so completely absorbed that she decided not to interrupt him. Addison was touched that he cared so much about her child, their child, a child they didn't even know if existed yet.

"I'm sure they have the most accurate ones at the hospital, Derek. We can get them for free there," she told him after a minute.

He looked up, his blue eyes puzzled. "But, Addie, somebody would probably see us. You don't want to answer awkward questions about why you and me need pregnancy tests, do you? I mean, this should stay secret at _least _until we know for sure if you even are pregnant."

"Yeah, you're right. I didn't think of that." He nodded vaguely and went back to work. Absentmindedly she reached out and took one herself. She had never imagined herself getting pregnant at age twenty-four. She always thought she'd wait a few more years. But now that wasn't really an option.

Derek ended up buying four tests, all different kinds, and all claiming to be the most accurate. He wrapped an arm around her as they left, keeping her warm as they walked through the misting rain to his car.

"Derek?" she asked softly when they got in.

"Yeah?" he replied, not really paying attention.

"I was just wondering . . . well, I don't want to force you into anything, or make you commit to something you don't want to do. But how involved are you planning on being in the life of our hypothetical child?" she asked hesitantly. "I mean, I'm ready to do it myself if I have to. We're not together, we're just friends, and I asked you to do this. But . . ."

She trailed off, because Derek was glaring at her. "Addison, don't be ridiculous. I'm going to be there for every minute, okay? I promise. I'll be there for you and the baby no matter what."

She should have known. Derek was always there for her. Also, he loved kids and had fourteen nieces and nephews. It made her feel a lot better to know he was going to be there. And so because he could make her feel better, she voiced another of her fears. "I'm afraid I won't be a good mom."

He turned to look at her quickly, his blue eyes intense. "Why would ever think that, Addison?" he asked gently.

"Well . . . I'm only twenty-four, and I don't know much about being a mom. I mean, I love kids and I work with babies, but my moth – Bizzy wasn't exactly the greatest role model."

Derek's hands gripped the steering wheel like they did whenever she mentioned her mother. "I still can't believe that woman," he growled.

"Me and Archer were pretty much raised by a nanny and our cook. We hardly saw our rich, snobby, successful parents. I don't want to turn out like them, Derek. And my mom . . . my mom tried – tried to get rid of me, Derek." Impatiently, she wiped her eyes. After ten years of knowing that knowledge, she thought it shouldn't bother her anymore. "After Archer, who was, I know, a mistake, the last thing she wanted was kids. So she had an abortion. But she didn't want everyone to find out, so she went to some gross, inhumane, underground place where they might not have even had licenses. And the abortion failed, and here I am. I know nothing about good parenting."

"Addison, what your mother did was inexcusable. I'm so sorry that she's such a complete bitch and I'm sorry you found out about what she tried to do."

"I was only fourteen," she whispered. Derek's muscled forearms snaked around her and pulled her to his chest. They were outside his apartment, but both still in the car. "Archer and I were spying on her, trying to hear what our Christmas presents were going to be. He got bored after a while and left, but I stayed." Derek was silent, and Addison remembered that she'd told him about the failed abortion but not how she knew. "She was drunk, and she got really mad at my dad about the nanny quitting. Then she said that she'd never wanted me in the first place, and she'd had an abortion. But something happened and it didn't work. The people who did the procedure really messed up and she ended up in the hospital. It was too dangerous for them to try again without harming her, no matter how much she begged, so I was born. Jean-Pierre, our cook and my only friend besides Archer, had to carry me away from her door."

Derek gently opened the car door and helped her out. She was frustrated at herself for crying again. She tried so hard to make it seem like nothing affected her, especially when she was really upset, but when she was around Derek all her façades crumbled.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked in a panicked voice when they entered the apartment. Addison knew that he'd been going home with various women the whole week.

"Addison was just upset about Bizzy."

"What did she do now?" Mark asked. He directed the question at Derek.

"Nothing. Well, nothing new."

"I was thinking about maybe being a mom and then I flipped out over the failed abortion thing again, okay, Mark? Not a big deal," Addison said quickly. She really didn't want to think about it anymore.

From the look Mark and Derek exchanged, they knew it was actually a very big deal, but they, to her relief, let it go. Derek walked to the DVD player, and Mark to the fridge, and they all sat down in front of the TV, Addison squished between her two best friends who were both chewing loudly and focused on the very guy-like movie they were watching. She eventually fell asleep and woke up in the morning on the couch, covered in blankets and surrounded by pillows.

She bought coffee for both Derek and Mark the next morning, but when she went to give Derek his, he was talking to her intern, Meredith Grey. She watched them for a few minutes, feeling annoyed without knowing why.

"So how are you liking it here, Dr. Grey?" she heard Derek ask.

Meredith smiled at him and leaned closer. Addison clenched her fists and restrained herself from walking over and disrupting them, or, even better, bitch-slapping the unsuspecting intern. "I really, really like it, better than I thought I was going to," Meredith said to Derek. Addison had a feeling she liked it for other reasons than the medicine, but Derek seemed oblivious. "There are some really great teachers," Meredith continued, looking up at Derek from underneath her eyelashes. Addison rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, you have Addie, right? I mean Dr. Montgomery. Yeah, she's pretty amazing, you're lucky to get her as your resident. She was top of our year," Derek said, glancing over at her. She waved and then held out his coffee. He waved her over, and she had no choice but to join him and Meredith.

"Derek, Dr. Grey," she greeted. Meredith nodded, a sour expression on her face, while Derek took his coffee and gave her an appreciative kiss on the cheek. Meredith flipped her hair and scooted even closer to Derek, continuing to talk to him about a fabricated case. Addison knew, as Meredith's resident, that she had made the neuro case up to have something to talk to Derek about. He was as crazy about brains as she was about babies and Mark was about boobs. She decided not to interfere and call Meredith on her crap. It wasn't her business anyway.

* * *

**Well, wasn't that a lovely first sentence? Haha just kidding. I definitely think this is the longest chapter yet. I know everyone wanted Addison and Derek to get together, but that would have been a little too easy at this point. Don't worry - they just need time to explore their relationship.**

* * *


	8. Part VIII

**Paper Hearts  
Part VIII**

**I guess I don't really have an author's note today. So thank you for all my reviews, and I hope you like it!**

* * *

**Derek**

He couldn't sleep. His head pounded as he stared outside at the pouring rain, unable to remember exactly how many hours in a row he'd spent at the hospital. Enough to equal a few days of his life, at least. The deep blue sheets were warm and inviting, but still sleep would not come. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face behind his eyelids.

He missed the bright red of her hair on the pillow next to him. He missed the warmth of her skin pressed against his. But most of all he missed the feeling that he wasn't alone, that the person in the world who understood him best was lying right beside him, her breathing even and her chest rising and falling slowly.

Derek flipped over and stared at the glowing clock on the table next to him. It was nearly two in the morning, and it was getting absurd. He'd slept without Addie many times before. But she was like a drug to him, and now these nights without her were like withdrawal. He needed her and wanted her so bad it was hard to form coherent thoughts about anything else. Her lips on his made heaven, and just her touch made him feel like he could fly.

Once again his thoughts turned to the possible baby that would someday call _him _daddy. He did want to be a dad. He'd been planning to put it off for a few more years, but the image of Addison's stomach round because she was carrying his child was intoxicating. Her and her baby would be his family, all the family he had besides Mark in Seattle.

Addison was his heart, his sun and sky, his world. Her absence left a huge black hole in his existence that he was unable to fill.

* * *

**Addison**

She couldn't sleep. It was ridiculous, she'd only been having sex with Derek for a week, and they didn't always even sleep in the same bed. She did sleep better near him, there was no denying it, but never before had she physically needed him to be able to sleep. She'd been sleeping terribly for the last two weeks without him.

But she needed rest, so she knocked softly on the door of his apartment. She had a key, but she thought it would be weird to just barge in and demand to be allowed to stay there. Addison only had to wait for a few seconds before Derek yanked the door open, wearing only a pair of pajama pants and wiping his eyes groggily.

"Addie?" he asked, giving her a tired smile.

"Hey, Der," she whispered. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I know it's silly, but, all of the sudden, I can't sleep alone anymore. It doesn't make sense, and I'm sorry for disturbing you, but I really need to get some rest so . . . can I stay here?"

"Of course, Addie," he said, stepping aside so she could come in. She deposited her elegant black trench coat on the couch, revealing her tight white tank top and panties with a pattern of smiling whales. Derek walked back to his bedroom, and Addison followed. She smiled when she heard Mark's snores coming from his room when she passed it.

"Okay, so, I got you some water. I gotta go get the couch ready, so goodnight, Adds," Derek was saying as she walked into his room.

She snorted. "Derek, you don't have to sleep on the couch. We've slept in the same bed hundreds of times. I know that it's different because we've actually had sex now, but really, it's not a big deal."

Derek shrugged and got into bed, but Addison saw right through his fake nonchalance. She wasn't exactly sure what his problem was though. She had a hard time accepting that he was uncomfortable just because of what they'd done, but there didn't seem to be an explanation. She planned to ask him about it when they climbed in bed, but she fell asleep the instant her head hit the pillow.

It was ten o'clock the next morning when the pain hit. She left her interns with the attending instructing them and stumbled into the closest on-call room. She opened the tiny bathroom door and stripped off her scrub pants and pulled her underwear to her knees. The telltale red blotches covered them. She quickly took care of it and then sank down onto the on-call room bed.

The uncomfortable mattress hardly allowed for any comfort, but Addison barely noticed. Every time she moved the terrible pain shot through her abdomen again. The red that signaled the start of her period wouldn't leave her field of vision; it was all she could see. Red meant blood. Red meant pain. Red meant failure.

Red meant that she and Derek had not created a baby. Her eyes stung as tears formed and her hand gently probed her empty abdomen. Empty. There was no baby. She buried her face into the scratchy mattress and sobbed her heart out. The emotions, the disappointment, the pain, physical and emotional, were all too much. Addison had wanted to be pregnant _so badly._ But there was not a mini-Derek inside of her. What would he say? He would comfort her, surely, and say they could try again. But she wasn't sure if she could find the words to tell him. What would she say? How could she admit it to him when she could barely admit it to herself?

Eventually her tears turned to drooping eyelids and the pain seemed a faraway sensation and sleep a wonderful escape. She was dimly aware that she had patients waiting for her, needing a stitch, a suture, needing to be fixed. But, Addison thought, how could she fix them if she couldn't fix herself? She had been just about to let it all ago when the shrill sound of her pager screaming at her startled her into a sitting position. She gasped and winced at the pain.

Her vindictive pager refused to shut up, so she stumbled to her feet, half bent over as she tried to walk. Her condition might cause her pain and decrease her chances of becoming a mother, but there was no way she was going to let it keep her from her work.

* * *

**Derek**

Derek breathed in the wafts of cinnamon coming off Addison's coffee, which she had handed to him rather abruptly an hour ago. The patient was chattering about pain in his abdomen, pain, Derek was sure, that he had invented in the hopes of getting more morphine.

He was too busy concentrating on Addie to worry much about his patient, a recurring situation he was sure he would have to rectify soon. For now he could hope his interns were paying close attention and he could quiz them about it in a minute to make sure they were. Hopefully Mark or Callie, who were in the room with most of the interns, were aware of what the guy was saying, but he wasn't so sure. Callie was twirling her midnight hair around a finger, biting her lip and looking at Mark teasingly. Derek rolled his eyes, determined to chew Mark out for flirting during round later, before he remembered he wasn't much better.

A second later, Addison stumbled in, looking tired and out of sorts. He was kind of like a radio transceiver for her emotions, and he could tell they were all over the place, but she made her way determinedly to the patient's side and asked some leading questions. Her show did not fool Derek; she was barely holding it together. He frowned, confused, and then swore as she wavered and fell against the wall heavily.

"Derek!" Mark yelled unnecessarily as he made his way to Addison. They both knew what was happening. "It's bad this month," he whispered as they both inspected Addison.

"Ouch," she murmured, her hand over her stomach. Her face was screwed up in pain. _Shit. _Derek knew he should be more used to this, some variation happened every month. But seeing her in pain still came as an unpleasant shock.

He did know what it meant. No baby. As her tortured green-blue eyes met his, the distress in them told him she was only too aware of that fact. He wanted to tell her that it would be okay, that if it wasn't this month it would be next, but he couldn't in front of an entire gaggle of interns. Derek had really been hoping that they had created a baby, but he was not as upset as Addison about the fact that they had not. He wanted to see a little red haired child call her mommy, but it wasn't his dream the way it was Addison's.

A tortured moan left her lips, and Derek was unable to stand it any longer. He scooped her up in his arms, ignoring the shocked looks of the interns and the indignant face of the patient, whose name he belatedly remembered was Bart. Mark squeezed Addison's hand gently before relinquishing his hold on her. Derek held her like a small child and hurried quickly from the room, hearing the shocked whispers in their wake. Dimly he could hear Mark and Callie trying to get the interns back in control, without a whole lot of success.

"What was that about?" Bart squawked, the purported pain in his abdomen long forgotten. Derek made the mistake of glancing back once, only to spot Meredith's narrowed eyes watching his and Addison's every movements.

"Here we go. Here we go, it's okay. It's okay," Derek whispered soothingly as he carefully sat Addison in a chair in one of the lounges. He reached quickly into his pockets, praying that these were the scrubs he'd left them in. A loud breath of relief escaped his lips when he located the bottle of her pain pills he'd left in these scrubs last time she'd needed them. She took one gratefully and then leaned against the arm of the chair, still only moving tentatively.

"Derek, what's going on? Addison, all you all right?" The concerned of voice of Richard Webber came closer and closer, but Derek didn't look away from where he was stroking Addison's hair.

"She's fine," Derek assured him, his mind still full of her soft red waves as he pushed them gently off her face. "It's just the –"

" – oh," Richard said, suddenly understanding. He, Derek and Mark had been Addison's support team during her internship, when she'd been reluctant about people finding out about her endometriosis. She hated feeling or looking weak.

"I'm fine," she said, further proving that point. Her voice was pitifully frail despite attempts to make it sound normal. Neither Derek or Richard were fooled.

"Addie, I hate to say it, but you're not fine. If it's really bad today maybe you should go home."

"I can't, Derek, I can't. If I go home all I'll have is my body's failure staring me in the face. I can't do the most basic thing a woman is designed for: carry a baby. I can't just go home and face that alone."

Richard raised his eyebrows at her revelation. _I've got this, _Derek mouthed at him, and Richard nodded. "Feel better, Addie," he supplied before walking off.

"Scoot over," he whispered in Addison's ear. "Carefully, though. Shh," he said softly when she began to cry again. He pressed her head into his shoulder and rocked her gently. "I know it hurts, Addie. And I know you wanted to be having a baby. But just because it didn't happen this time doesn't mean it won't in the future. You just have to keep hoping, keep believing. Keep visualizing implantation and all. It will happen. We have time."

* * *

**Addison**

_Do they think I can't hear them whispering? _Addison thought as she led her sheep-like interns around. She heard their speculations; she had cancer, she was pregnant (_that _one stung), she just wanted attention from McDreamy and McSteamy, she had a rare flu bug. Truth to be told, she couldn't bring herself to care what they thought or even dispute their wildest claims. She'd been put on neonatal today, usually she requested it. But today, just today, looking at all the perfect little babies was difficult.

"Dr. Montgomery?" The speaker was a patient named Lylah. Addison had known her for a few months; her high risk pregnancy had kept her in the hospital from the minute she reached twenty-four weeks. Now her tiny, perfect daughter, Jasmine, was safe in her arms, courtesy of Addison. "I'm sorry – I know you must be busy. But you're so good with Jasmine, do you think you could . . ."

"Sure," Addison choked out, taking the dark haired baby carefully and cradling her against her shoulder. Jasmine's wailing ceased at once. Addison ran her hand over Jasmine's back as her interns relayed off the stats of all the babies in the NICU. Every word was a thorn in her already torn heart but she put on a brave face for all the parents so their miracles weren't ruined. They had their little dreams, their little angels, and they deserved to enjoy them.

When the time came to relinquish baby Jasmine once again it was harder than Addison expected it to be. It was so easy to imagine, to pretend, to fake that Jasmine was her baby.

"_Someday," _Derek had said. They would have their baby. Hopefully it would have Derek's ebony curls, but maybe it would be unlucky enough to inherit her hair. Her red locks were like a siren, no chance of anonymity or concealment for her, no matter how badly she desired it. But no matter what he or she looked like, she couldn't wait to hold them close and have the warm spot on her shoulder linger as it did not the second Jasmine left.

* * *

**I know, I'm sorry, no baby this time. But they have many, many more months for babies . . . :D Write me a little note? Por favor?**

* * *


	9. Part IX

**Paper Hearts  
Part IX**

**Okay, don't throw things at me; I know it's been way, way too long on this. I had some trouble with this particular chapter – the next few are pretty eventful, so they're easier to write. Anyway I hope nobody has given up, I promise to get back in my updating groove. I also realized I've been forgetting to do the little voiceovers – sorry about that! Here's the next chapter for you.**

* * *

_The secrets we keep, told or untold, eventually manage to find a way to haunt us. They either find a way out, through some string of circumstances or carelessly left loophole, or they boil and ferment inside us until one day, something snaps. Something breaks. They can't be contained anymore, and something happens. Bring on the chaos._

**Addison**

The tingling fingers of the sun's rays soothed her ravaged body. She sighed and sat up extremely slowly, mindful of the still-lingering pain. Warm water hit her back, and she jerked around to find Derek and Mark grinning identical evil grins. Addison rolled her eyes at them and rotated her body carefully, so her tan would be more even.

"Come on, Addie!" Derek yelled from the pool just before Mark pulled him under. Addison smiled indulgently at her two boys as they wrestled around under the water.

Unconsciously, her hand found her stomach once again. Over the last few days, both Derek and Mark had come up with a plethora of activities to distract her from the disappointing news. They'd defended her when the interns stared, wondering why she could hardly walk, brought her breakfast in bed when the pain got to be too much, and when she felt better, pushed her out into the city of Seattle. She _was _grateful to them, but even on the most perfect day her thoughts were still centered around the little baby that didn't exist . . . but hopefully would before too long.

Wet hands suddenly grabbed her forearms and ankles, and she shrieked as Derek and Mark lifted her.

"What are you _doing?_ Put me down!" she yelled, but they only laughed. "This isn't funny! I was working on my tan! I don't want to swim," she moaned, but to no avail. They ignored her, edging closer and closer to the pool, and began to swing her.

"No, no, Derek, Mark, please don't," she said breathlessly, but they only smiled again and tossed her lightly into the pool. Cool water swirled around her as she submerged, and it actually helped ease some of the burn in her stomach.

Two large splashes marked the spots of Derek and Mark's cannonballs. She shook her head, sometimes they were such children. But then again, when you had the sobering duty of saving lives, you did what you could to relax.

She pouted at them when they surfaced, annoyed but unable to keep a slightly smile off her face. She couldn't resist splashing Mark, who of course splashed her back, and within a few seconds they were in an all-out splash war. She tried to dunk Derek but then somehow found herself entwined in his arms. He smiled and they both concentrated on getting Mark as wet as possible, despite his spluttering protests. The warmth of Derek's body pressed up against hers was doing funny things to her concentration, but she supposed that was only because she was only too aware of what that body could do to her.

He paused to set her down, a strange look in eyes that matched the sky above. She stumbled and blushed without knowing why. "I'm going to go get some smoothies," Derek said, heaving himself out of the pool, leaving Addison breathless and confused.

Mark was staring at her. "What?" she asked him defensively.

"You really don't get it, do you?" he asked cryptically.

"Don't get what, Mark?"

He sighed. "No offense, Addie, but it's blindingly obvious. I can't believe you can't see it."

"See _what, _Mark?" she growled.

He hesitated, running a hand over his stubble covered face. "I can't tell you, I can't be the one that tells you. That wouldn't be right."

"Tells me what?"

"How hot that blonde is over there!" he said, flashing a smile at a blonde woman staring at him.

Addison was sure that wasn't what he was going to say, but she was distracted. "Honestly, Mark, her? Her bra size is probably about ten times her IQ. You need a real woman."

"You're my real woman," he said, kissing her cheek before heading for the ladder.

"No, Mark, don't, seriously. You can't honestly _like _her."

"Why not? She's hot."

"Stupid manwhore," Addison muttered. "Seriously, Mark. You could do so much better. If you _do _choose to go flirt with that slut, I'll tell her . . . I'll tell her you're transsexual."

"You wouldn't," he gasped.

She simply raised an eyebrow and smirked. "You wouldn't what?" Derek asked when he returned a minute later and handed her a mango smoothie. Mark told him, and he laughed, winking at Addison. "I'll confirm it," he promised. "You need some standards, man."

"Crap, what time is it?" Mark asked suddenly. "I'm on call tonight."

"Shit, me too," Addison said, getting out and wrapping her towel around her waist. "We better go."

* * *

**Derek**

Her nose . . . her hair . . . her eyes . . . her petal pink, soft lips, close enough to kiss.

They were standing to the side of one of her patients, whispering quietly about what to tell her about her sick baby. The interns were staring, Addison was stressing about the baby, and their noses were nearly touching.

The sun. The moon. The stars, right in front of him.

"We can't keep this from her any longer, Der," she hissed.

"We don't know what's wrong," he argued, hardly aware of what he was saying. What would happen, if he kissed her now? Would she pull away, or kiss him back? It would be inappropriate, in front of a patient, and all of their interns would stare . . . But maybe, just maybe, she would finally be his.

"It doesn't matter," she snapped, annoyed, pulling away to address the patient. He sighed, and the interns talked, trying to make sense of the confrontation. He watched sadly as the woman's face fell, and Addison squeezed her hand, comforting her as best she could. She was amazing. There was no one else. How did one person make him think and want so much, but also make him willing to give it all up for her happiness?

"Hey, Derek," a voice said to his side, and he turned to find Meredith.

"Hello," he said vaguely, still watching Addison. She looked upset.

"I was wondering . . ." Meredith started, but he didn't give her the chance to finish. The patient, his first priority, was crying, and Addison was nearly crying as well. He was at her side in an instant, escorting her from the room.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as they led their interns around. She only looked away, obviously not wanting him to know how upset she was. He gently nudged her with his elbow, trying to get her to look at him. She elbowed him back, obviously irritated.

He smiled and bumped into her on "accident." She shoved her shoulder into his, knocking him off balance and nearly into a cart of medical supplies. Then she turned away, but he could tell she was biting her lip to keep from smirking along with him. He pushed into her, she pushed into him, and they continued their silent battle down the hall until they collapsed into giggles, the incredulous looks of the interns inquiring as to whether they'd gone mad.

It was much later that they lay under the ink black sky at the park, gazing up at the twinkling stars.

"They're pretty amazing, huh?" Addison asked, burying her face in his shoulder.

"Psh, they're just big balls of fire. You're my stars, I don't need them," Derek told her. He saw her smile.

"Why can't every guy be like you, Derek?"

"One of a kind, darling. Sorry," he said with a grin.

"I just hope there's someone as good as you out there for me. But every guy I meet is a jerk in comparison."

Derek's heart clenched. Why couldn't she see? They were perfect for each other. But then he remembered what Mark had said: Addison had been in love with him once, a long, long time ago. He had been blind to her back then, chasing after girls with boobs but no brains. His pain now was his own fault.

"So I saw you talking to Meredith," she teased. "You like her?"

He shrugged. Meredith was nice, and she was pretty, but he could hardly picture her face when he was looking at Addie. He could hardly breathe when he was looking at her, for that matter. "I could be friends with her, maybe, I guess."

"Oh, so is there someone else?" she asked excitedly.

_YES!_ He wanted to shout. _You._ But, "No," he said firmly. "No one else." _but you._

"Do you think there's something up there?" she asked, her eyes riveted on the pitch-black heavens.

"Maybe. But nowhere would be heaven without you." Hadn't he made it obvious yet? He'd said it all, besides outright admitting that he loved her.

"I believe in it. When I see all the little babies who suffer . . . and who die, I have to believe. They must be going to Heaven." She sighed.

"So you think there's such a thing as eternity?" he asked.

"Yeah," she admitted, blushing. Her hand snaked out to play with his hair, a habit of hers. "Too corny?"

"No," he whispered, turning his face towards hers. "I can't imagine –" A shrill ringing interrupted him, and he dug around in his pocket and answered with a terse, "Hello?"

"Phew, man, I didn't think you were going to answer," Mark said in a relieved voice. "Where are you?"

"Me and Addie are stargazing," Derek said while Addison frantically shook her head.

"Why did you tell _Mark?" _she moaned, smacking him.

"You know, Shep, I would laugh myself silly if anyone else had said that. But it's actually something you would do. You're such a girl," Mark snorted.

"What do you want, Mark?" Derek asked, seriously pissed off now.

He sighed. "Naomi and Sam decided to have a party and now they're off doing who knows what and … I need your help getting all these people out. Actually, I need Addison's help, but she wasn't answering her phone. They're eating all the food, drinking all the booze, trying to TP the neighbors, and now some of them are trying to turn it into a rainbow party. I do _not _want lipstick stains all over."

"Fine," Derek moaned. "But you owe me big time."

"I'll just buy Addison some flowers and chocolate and sign _your _name on them. It'd solve virtually all your problems."

Derek rolled his eyes and hung up. "Sorry, Addie, Mark needs us. We have to go. Sam and Naomi had some crazy party and invited a bunch of people over."

She laughed and sat up slowly, wincing slightly when the movement pained her stomach. "Okay, let's go rescue Mark," she said sarcastically. "But we'll have to give him hell later. Mark Sloan, a damsel in distress. I never thought I'd see the day."

Half an hour later, however, the party was still going strong. Addison had, with his help, thrown out the aspiring rainbow partiers. Naomi and Sam had appeared a few minutes later, and Addison and Derek exchanged a smirk, knowing exactly what their friends had been up to. Now Derek sat beside Sam on the couch, clenching his beer bottle tightly as Addison socialized with her friends and too many male eyes followed her.

"What is your problem, man?" Sam asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Problem? I don't have a problem," Derek said quickly. He watched as Addison was stopped by a man who had been chatting with Mark. He smiled, making a comment Derek didn't catch, and Addison smiled back.

"I'm Steve," he said over the music.

"Addison," she yelled back.

"I didn't see you earlier – and I know I would have noticed you."

"Yeah, I just got here," she said easily, shrugging. Steve looked around her, clearly trying to determine if she was with anyone.

"Can I get you a drink?" he offered.

She laughed. "This is my two best friends' apartment, actually, so I think I know where the drinks are. But sure, why not?"

Steve exited, heading toward the kitchen, and Derek attempted to wade through the crowd to Addison. Unfortunately he was stymied by a particularly large guest and by the time he narrowly avoided being squashed, Steve was back and Addison was laughing at something that he had said.

She was only flirting. He knew that. But it was _killing _him, and Steve was totally hitting on her. He kept leaning closer and closer to her, and Derek saw red. Shouts followed him as he pushed people over in his haste to get to her. She smiled at him, and Derek couldn't help thinking that sleazy Steve didn't deserve any one of Addison smiles. They were more precious to him than gold or diamonds and shouldn't be wasted on Steve.

Derek was only a few feet away when Steve put a hand on Addison's arm. "Hey, I was wondering if you would like to …" He never finished that sentence. There was a whoosh of air and a loud smack as Derek's fist connected with Steve's left cheek. He fell to the ground, and Derek just stared, wondering if he'd actually done that while Steve bled on the floor.

* * *

**So Derek punches Steve, haha. At least I didn't make them get in a fistfight, like Derek and Mark did on the actual show. I know that was supposed to be all serious and all, but I was laughing, especially when they tackled each other, lol. Next time we get Addie's reaction and the start of conception week two (more Addek sex, yay!) Yeah, so, anyway … if you don't know what a rainbow party is, I'm not about to tell you. You can Google it if you really want to know. Drop me a line and let me know what you thought of the chapter. Once again, sorry it's been so long. xoxo love my reviewers!**

* * *


	10. Part X

**Paper Hearts  
Part X**

**See? I'm being good and updating again, not making you wait forever! I changed my profile pic to Toadette because she is awwwwwesome! And you probably didn't really need to know that. But I am the queen of randomness, so I guess you did. Anyway, slight squee warning again, nothing porn-worthy, however. I know the plot is moving a bit slowly right now, but that's just so everything can get set up. This is mostly an Addison-focused chapter, mostly because it's easy to figure out what Derek is thinking, he knows he loves Addison. Addison's thoughts are a little more conflicted and tangled. So here it is :D**

* * *

_The view from the outside. There are so many things we keep hidden deep inside us, for fear of what other people will think. Embarrassing secrets, tragic pasts, and things so special that no one else can truly understand. Then, when they are finally exposed for other people to see, the tangled webs that surround our secrets only grow larger and larger._

**Derek**

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, DEREK?" Addison shrieked as they all surveyed the site of Steve rolling around on the floor. She looked seriously pissed, but it was worth it to Derek, especially since Steve's friends were helping him leave.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, tugging her by her sleeve into his bedroom.

She folded her arms and glared at him. "Jeez, Derek, I was just flirting a little. What is your problem?"

He struggled for a minute, trying to think a legitimate reason for punching out Steve. _My problem is that I'm in love with you … _"Well, Addie, you are planning to be a mother and all …"

"So that means I can't flirt with guys, huh? You're being a bit too overprotective, Derek. I'm glad that you and Mark care, I really do, but you have _got _to stop scaring off all my potential boyfriends. Don't you two want me to be happy?" she demanded.

"Yeah. Sorry," he said quietly, but she still stormed out. It was true, anyone whom he and Mark did not judge worthy they attempted to scare off. Usually without violence, but they resorted to threats if they had to. Derek sighed, wishing that for once life was easy and things would fall into place, but of course it was never that simple.

Addison didn't speak to him again until the first day of their next conception week. He endured her silence cheerfully, since Mark told him Steve had a broken nose and Addison refused his pleas for a pity date. She purposefully ignored Derek, though, and flirted with everyone from nurses to interns to even patients, as if to prove a point to him. Derek knew it would blow over eventually. It would be strange to try to be having a baby without speaking, so Addie was going to have to talk to him eventually.

* * *

**Addison**

"And . . . the kick-off to conception week two," Derek said, tapping his beer bottle against hers. She laughed as he grabbed her hand and swirled her around the kitchen to the song Build Me Up Buttercup. They continued to dance for a few minutes in her bright kitchen.

She could feel the tension, however. She had finally broken the silence between them that morning at the coffee cart, so it wasn't angry tension. More like sexual tension. She could see the flexing of Derek's muscles through his thin t-shirt, feel the heat radiating off his body when he pulled her close, imagine what his body looked like under his clothes.

Derek spun her one last time as the song ended, her light buttermilk colored dress swirling around her knees. He didn't let go of her hand, and her breathing accelerated.

_A baby, a baby, a baby,_ she chanted inside her head. _That's what this is about, a baby. _But her thoughts dispersed into a million pieces, scattering in her brain randomly, when he kissed her. Her lips parted easily and her tongue met his in an explosion of lust and desire. She already knew there would be no going slow tonight.

His hands worked their way to the back of her dress, and it fell slowly down her body, leaving shivers where the thin fabric brushed her skin. She threaded her fingers through his hair and he lifted her up onto the counter, hands sliding over the sheer lace of her panties, which soon disappeared along with her bra.

His lips left hers and traveled down to her chest, and Addison threw back her neck, a moan escaping her clenched teeth. "You like that?" Derek whispered, and she moaned again, louder, as his lips began sucking her sensitive skin. His kisses made a trail from her collarbone to her bellybutton, and continued down, until Addison was nearly pulling out his hair and moaning so loudly that she was surprised the neighbors didn't start knocking on the wall in protest.

As Derek's lips and tongue pleasured her, she pulled at his clothes, managing to get them off piece by piece amidst her rapture. He pulled away a minute later and she whimpered, but he only replaced his mouth with another part of his body she desired more, picking her up gently as they melted together. Her butt still rested on the counter gently, but Derek had most of her weight, and he angled her legs so he could thrust even deeper inside of her.

The sounds escaping her lips were so loud that later, when she revisited this memory, she had to imagine the sound of a key in the lock, the door opening, and footsteps into the kitchen. As it was, she never heard any of it.

"Oh my God!" Callie shrieked when she saw Addison and Derek in the throes on the kitchen counter. "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God! I am disturbed for life! I am _never _eating on that counter again!"

Both Addison and Derek jumped terribly when they heard her voice and Derek pulled out quickly of her quickly, blushing bright red. He stepped behind the counter so Callie couldn't see him, and Addison slowly slid down until her bare feet rested on the cold tile floor.

"Best friends my ass!" Callie was still yelling at them. "You two have been doing each other this whole time? And you didn't tell me? You didn't tell anyone! You're together. Addison and Derek. Well, it was bound to happen sometime."

"Callie, calm down," Addison laughed, walking into the living room and picking up her robe. She giggled as Derek attempted to reach his pants from behind the counter without exposing himself to Callie. Once Derek had his jeans on, he joined them, and they all sat down, Callie still looking shocked and disgusted at the same time.

"Calm down? Addison, you're one of my best friends, and you have a great ass, but I could have gone my whole life without ever seeing it. And since when are you and Derek together?"

"We're not," Addison said firmly. Derek made a strange noise, and she corrected, "Well, we're not in a relationship, that is. Derek is going to be the baby's father."

Callie only stared at them. "Oh …" she said softly, her mouth falling open. "Huh. So … why is it some huge big secret?"

Addison sank back against the couch cushions at her friend's acceptance of the situation. Not that she had really been worried what she would think, but they weren't exactly dealing with commonplace circumstances here. "We're going to tell everyone eventually – when I'm actually pregnant and everything. Nothing is definite, we're still waiting to see if this is actually going to work, and we just didn't want everyone knowing in case something goes wrong."

"Sperm donor. Yeah, right, sperm donor. I never should have believed that shit," Callie said under her breath, and Addison laughed again. She was glad it that, if it had to be somebody who found out, that it was Callie. Miranda would have kicked both her and Derek's asses right then and there, naked or not, and Naomi would have gone absolutely crazy. She winced at the thought of those reactions. Callie was still talking, her whispers furious, "Can't believe you didn't tell me … supposed to be your friend … having sex with _Derek_ … Mark!" she suddenly yelled.

"What?" Derek and Addison exclaimed at the same time.

"You two told _Mark_?" Callie yelled, and Addison knew their guilty faces were answer enough.

"Cal, we were having sex in Derek's apartment, which is his too. He would have found out eventually, probably by walking in on us, and then we'd be doing this, right here, right now, all over again. It's not that I didn't want to tell you," she explained desperately. "It's just that if it didn't work and I didn't get pregnant … then it would be so, so hard for me and Derek to tell you all that, you know?"

Callie's face softened in sudden understanding, and she smiled ruefully. "Sorry. I'm just so shocked. Walking in on two of your best friends having sex is kind of like having the wind knocked out of you, you know?"

"Sorry," Addison said again. Derek's eyes met hers, and they continued down, undressing her in the middle of the living room. She blushed bright red and looked away. Callie was still babbling away, but she was bound to notice something any second, so Addison shot Derek an angry look, trying to ignore the heat coursing through her veins. "Um, I'm pretty tired," she interrupted Callie suddenly. "I should probably go to bed, in case I'm carrying your godchild and all."

"Oh, okay," Callie said. She was still looking between Derek and Addison, so Addison stood up quickly.

"Um, Cal, if you want to stay here tonight, you can. It's late, and we can share the bed and Derek can take the couch."

Many hours later, Addison studied Callie's placid expression carefully, trying to determine if she was actually asleep. Her slumber _looked _genuine, but it would be just like Callie to wake up and find Addison trying to sneak out to Derek. Addison didn't even want to _think _about what she'd say then.

Addison carefully peeled the covers off her body and slid onto the floor with a muffled _thump. _She glanced back anxiously at Callie, but Callie's sleep was not feigned, and Addison couldn't help but be grateful for whatever dreams occupied her consciousness. Heart beating rapidly against her breastbone, she snuck quietly out of her room, headed for the couch, and Derek.

Warm hands gripped her shoulders as she entered the hallway, and fireworks exploded within her body as a pair of lips met hers hungrily. Derek, apparently, had been waiting for her, as eager for this as she was. His hands ripped off her bathrobe as if it had done him a personal wrong, and his hands replaced it, making hot trails all over her naked body. He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the couch.

"Callie must have taken _hours _to get to sleep," he breathed breathily. "I was waiting forever."

"Aww," Addison said in fake sympathy. "Don't worry. I'll make up for it," she whispered in his ear. She squirmed out from under him and straddled his waist, 'accidently' rubbing up against the growing bulge in his jeans. He let out a heavy breath and Addison worked them off, replacing his clothes with her hands and her hands with her mouth. The sight of Derek, normally so calm, put together, and in control, completely at her mercy made her smile wickedly. His hands knotted in his hair as she continued what she was doing with her mouth, and she reveled in his ecstasy, like he did in hers.

"Adds, I love what you're doing," Derek struggled to say. "But if you want to make a baby, you're going to have to stop doing that." She simply shrugged and sank down on him instead; gripping whatever part of him she could find to keep from moaning and waking Callie up. His hands explored her body as she moved up and down, faster and faster until her climax overtook her, his following soon after. Afterwards, she cuddled up in her arms, glad that things came so easy to her with Derek, and unable to believe she'd missed out on so much pleasure before.

When dawn's newborn light flickered over her still face, waking her up, Derek was gone. In place of his arms, a blanket covered her naked body, and two bouquets of lilies, one red and one white, lay at her feet. She had forgotten, with so much going on, that Valentine's Day was making its yearly occurrence. Mark and Derek hadn't, however, and the tradition of getting her flowers had continued. When Addison slipped back into bed next to Callie, intent on sleeping for a few more hours, she noticed Callie had flowers too. Although Callie and Derek were friends, she didn't think he would have spontaneously gotten her flowers, so that left … Mark? Grinning at the thought of two of her friends possibly getting together, she lingered in memories of her night with Derek and future plans for their baby until sleep overtook her again.

* * *

**Yay for Addek squee! Hope you liked the chapter. The song Build Me Up Buttercup is by the Temptations, by the way, so I obviously don't own it. I can see Addie and Derek dancing to it, though. Anyway, if you could review and make my day, I will love you :D**

* * *


	11. Part XI

**Paper Hearts  
Part XI**

**I think you guys will like this one. You may not like the next one, but I think you'll like this one. Sigh, the hotness of Addek. Whatever was Shonda thinking when she got rid of them. They were the first couple I really, truly liked on Grey's. Well, I did like Cristina and Burke. And what happened to both those couples? Just my luck, huh?**

* * *

_We can only fight our instincts, our desires, our destinies for so long before we give in. We find that fighting, in the end, was futile. Resistance was only a ploy to distract ourselves. Looking back, it seems like it was meant to happen. That thing, whatever it was, was destined to be fulfilled. After such occurrences, oftentimes we ask ourselves, "Who were we to argue with Fate?"_

**Derek**

He didn't notice there was even another presence in the room until the couch sagged perceptively when Mark sat down. He was too completely and utterly focused on the book that was detailing probable next few years of his life.

"Which one are you reading?" Mark asked. Derek glanced up to see him already immersed in an issue of Sports Illustrated.

"I'm not reading a dumb magazine, I'm reading this," Derek said, holding up the book for Mark to see. Then he went back to reading.

"_What?_" Mark exclaimed loudly, seeing the title. "So you got Addie pregnant?"

"No, no, we don't know yet," Derek said quickly, putting down the parenting book. "But we're hoping that she is. In fact, maybe I should call her. She might feel sick or something, and need ginger ale. Or maybe her breasts are sore."

"Dude, cool it," Mark laughed. "Breathe, get a grip, and think. Pregnancy symptoms don't usually begin to show perceptibly until around four weeks after conception. You know that, you're a doctor. Also, I really didn't need to hear that about Addison's boobs. You want to talk about any other woman's boobs, fine. But not Addie. That's too weird for me. She's hot, but she's like my sister. And shouldn't you wait until she's actually pregnant to read that book?"

Derek sighed. "I just want to be prepared, _in case _she is."

"So did you tell her yet?" Mark asked after a few minutes in which they both concentrated on their respective reading material.

"Tell her what?" Derek asked, as he read through the hellish situations men had been gotten into with hormonal pregnant women. He loved Addie, but there was absolutely no way he was going to be making a liver and onion cherry pie, whether she craved it or not.

"That the sun comes up every morning. What do you think, dumbass? Hmm … maybe that you're in freaking love with her?" Mark said sarcastically.

"I'm going to tell her," Derek said firmly. And he would, when the time was right.

"You better get a move on, man, before somebody else does," Mark warned.

* * *

**Addison**

Addison carefully swayed her body back and forth, her hand gliding over a teenie back, and the preemie's wails lessened slightly in volume. She pressed a kiss to the silky brown curls covering the little boy's head as he drifted closer and closer to dreamland.

She could almost imagine that this was her and Derek's baby that she was rocking. Hopefully someday it would be. She wondered vaguely what her interns were doing while she spent her lunch in the nursery. Reluctantly, she realized she probably had to go check on them. She knew the kind of trouble unsupervised interns could get into. One time, she and Derek had gotten completely lost and taken a patient in desperate need of surgery to the gift shop.

Addison carefully placed the baby boy back into his incubator, trailing a finger gently over his cheek. Then she straightened and left the NICU. Her interns, as it turned out, were eating lunch in the cafeteria, an activity she deemed to be fairly safe. They were loud and immature and laughing insanely about some obscure thing, but they were interns, and at least they weren't killing anybody or sucking up incessantly to get into surgeries.

Addison carefully selected her own lunch, trying to pick out fairly healthy foods in case Derek had gotten her pregnant this time. The last night of conception week had been the night before, and the details and memories, made vibrant and clear by the accompanying recollections of pleasure, still lingered in her thoughts. She had begun to wonder, begun to question whether it was appropriate for best friends to enjoy each other so much. She was becoming more and more certain that she and Derek were crossing a line. Could they go back to being just best friends, after this?

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that when she finally reached the cafeteria, she realized she had nowhere to sit. Neither Derek nor Mark were working, Preston, Callie, and Miranda had surgeries, and she had no idea where Naomi and Sam were but slightly preferred to keep it that way, for fear of what they could be up to.

"Hey! Dr. Montgomery!" someone called, and she turned to see the interns waving her over. Izzie and Meredith, both her interns, gestured frantically, and she took back her earlier thought about the interns not sucking up. Addison sighed and resigned herself to a very long lunch.

She took a seat hesitantly between Meredith and another intern of Mark's whose name she was pretty sure was Alex. "So, Dr. Montgomery, you seeing anyone?" were the first words out of his mouth.

"No," she said, pretending to look him over. "But I won't be 'seeing' you either."

Meredith and Izzie collapsed into giggles while Alex frowned and muttered something about women. Addison couldn't help joining in their laughter when she saw the look on his face.

"That was brilliant," Izzie chortled.

"Well, I've heard a few things about Alex Karev," she admitted. "I thought he deserved to be put in his place."

"He does," Meredith agreed with a nod. "He cheated on Izzie with a nurse and gave her syphilis, and then she gave it to George …"

"Okay!" said Addison quickly, holding up her hand. "I really don't want to know. I've been an intern, and no offense, but I really don't need to relive those days, thank you very much."

"So was what you said true? Are you really not seeing anyone?" Izzie asked her.

Addison hesitated, but then decided that it wouldn't be a very good idea to tell them about the things happening between her and Derek. Those things would stop, might have already stopped, if she was pregnant. "Yeah, I'm really not dating anyone," she told them, and watched their eager expressions fall. Their tongues had practically been hanging out at the scent of gossip. "What about you, Meredith?" Addison asked quickly.

"Well, I kinda like this guy," the young intern giggled. "I don't know. I have a huge crush on him, but I don't know if it'll ever turn into anything. He spends a lot of time with someone else," she said, giving Addison a speculative look, but Addison was oblivious.

"You should tell him. You should tell him how you feel. You'll regret it if you don't," she told Meredith with a smile. "Just like I will regret not answering this page. I'll see you guys later."

* * *

**Derek**

"Mark, did you get the beer?" Derek yelled when he heard the front door open. "Oh, Addie," he said with a smile when he saw her. "Better you than Mark."

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously, seeing him on the floor in front of the TV.

"Oh, Mark bought a Wii," Derek explained. "We were just trying it out. You want to play?"

"Sure," she said. "But none of your stupid guy games."

"Guy games?" Derek asked, pretending to be offended. "What do you mean, guy games?"

"I mean no shooting and no extreme sports," she said, rolling her eyes and she sank down next to him. "Let's play Mario Kart. I call Peach!"

"I call Mario!" he said, and laughed. Usually Mark was there to call Luigi, but he was glad that it was just them.

They started the race, both very competitive in nature and thus fully concentrated. Addison nudged him at the start, putting him in twelfth, but she pouted when he bumped her off the track. "Derek! That wasn't fair!" she whined. A second later, he himself got hit and he swore. "Haha!" Addison laughed, gloating and not paying attention to her car. "Wait, shit. Derek, I'm stuck!"

He snorted with laughter, the entire thing made funnier by her frustrated expression. "Help me!" she begged, but he could hardly breathe for laughter, much less move.

Finally, Addison started to laugh too, and they both rolled around the floor hysterically. Then, suddenly, it just … stopped. They both sat slowly, their eyes locked, their hearts suddenly racing.

Derek supposed he would never know who initiated it. Their relationship was balanced on the point of a knife, in that moment. They had to fall one way or the other. When he looked back, he didn't know whether it was Addison, her red hair in disarray and her shimmering lips slightly opened, who leaned in to kiss him, or if he started it. Maybe he could no longer hold his feelings inside; maybe he kissed her with reckless abandonment because he was tired of keeping up a casual façade that was a blatant lie.

He would truly never know, so he liked to think that they met in the middle. That they both wanted each other equally in that moment. A few seconds later, it ceased to matter anyway. His lips cascaded down onto hers so forcefully that it pushed her backwards. Addison reciprocated fully, pushing her tongue into his mouth, beginning a flood of endless passion. Their clothes disappeared so quickly that Derek barely had time to feel chilled by the cool air of the apartment. Their bodies and souls melded soon after and that was all that occupied Derek's mind for quite some time to come.

* * *

**Mark**

Mark fiddled in his pocket one-handed, searching for his keys, because his other held a 12 pack of beer. He managed to pull them out and select the right one before he heard the sounds coming from inside his apartment.

Oh, Derek and Addison were in _so _much trouble. Derek had expressly told him that conception week was over and done with for that month. But through the thin walls of the building, he could hear sounds that practically screamed 'S-E-X.'

Mark backed up rapidly from the door, as if it could suddenly turn radioactive. He'd already heard Callie's account of walking in on Derek and Addison and he did not want to experience it for himself. As he walked back out into the rain, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed rapidly. "Hello? Callie? Yeah, you are not going to believe this …"

* * *

**I know, Mark has never narrated in this story before. But nobody else could exactly tell that part. Derek and Addison were both sort of ... busy. And clearly, I don't own Mario Kart. Too bad. Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts/comments on this chapter. Alright, I guess that's all I have to say. I wish all my readers (and the rest of the world, I suppose) a lovely, wonderful day.**

* * *


	12. Part XII

****

Paper Hearts  
Part XII

**Here is the next chapter! I am currently on vacation, and actually getting a lot of writing done. I guess beaches are my muse. Anyway, hope you like it. Actually, you might be mad at me after this one ...**

* * *

_Communication is a relatively simple word for an unbelievably complex thing. It is amazing how often we misunderstand each other. Words sometimes just don't do their jobs. They cannot handle the capacity of feeling, nor can they convey the complexity and depth of our thoughts. They only tell the barest surface of the truth, or, more often than not, a lie. And oftentimes, they betray us just when we need them most._

**Addison**

The first thing she registered when morning pulled her from the dregs of sleep was that she was very warm. When she snuggled closer to the source of heat, she discovered she was also not alone. That was the second thing. The third was that she was naked, and the fourth was that the legs that entangled and entrapped hers belonged to Derek Shepherd.

That wasn't exactly unusual these days, in light of the fact that they were attempting to conceive a baby, and Addison almost went back to sleep. Then she remembered that conception week was over. And everything changed.

He was supposed to be her _friend. _Her very best friend, who was there when nobody else was. Derek, whom she'd gone skinny dipping with in the lake last summer. Derek, who bought her tampons when she refused to get out of bed because of PMS. Derek, who secretly Googled all her boyfriends to make sure they weren't serial killers.

And now she would lose him.

There was no way she could compete with the flawless blondes who fought for his and Mark's attention like starving seagulls for a scrap of bread. She'd been wary of this in the first place; adamant that they should remain friends so she wouldn't have to vie with all the other women for his affection. She'd gotten to be friends with Derek for years, while the other women came and went.

In one night, it was all ruined. She didn't know how to do this with Derek. Even if he thought of her like that, which she doubted, her entire existence was changed.

As panic took over, Addison lost her ability to think rationally and fought the tears so desperate to escape. She was so stupid! How had she let this happen?

Addison laid one hand on Derek's warm chest before yanking her legs out from under his. He shivered as the cold air tickled his bare body, and she studied his expression. Childlike in sleep, he looked like the innocent little boy his mother had shown her pictures of. Mussed, inky black curls spilled onto his forehead and he smiled slightly in his sleep. Addison tried to get up quietly, but Derek stirred and she was met by two confused blue orbs as he opened his eyes.

The seconds that passed as they stared at each other felt like eons. Addison had been in the midst of getting up, and their bare skin was still slightly tangled. She blushed, tried to move, and ended up falling on top of him. He laughed, the sound sweet and carefree, and helped her up. She pulled back, scuttling away from him, and his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"Are you okay?" he asked as she nearly tripped over her overlong limbs again.

"No, Derek, I'm not okay!" she said loudly, frustration at herself making her voice sharper than she intended.

"What's the matter?" His bewilderment was endearing, but she just couldn't take it anymore.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IS THE MATTER, DEREK?" she yelled. "We're what's the matter! US! Derek, we're friends, best friends! We agreed to only have sex during conception week! And then the day after, what are we doing? Humping like rabbits all over again!"

His mouth, covered by the sprinkling of black stubble, fell open. He seemed unsure how to answer. She was unaware of his emotional turmoil in that moment, so she only stared at him incredulously as he struggled to come up with a retort.

"Addie," he finally managed in a weak voice. "Addie … Okay, so it wasn't conception week. We had sex. We're adults. We have sex."

"You're not supposed to have sex with your fucking best friend!" How could he make light of this? So it was okay to just have sex with her? Did he really think of her like that? Despite their general unpleasantness, Derek had always been a gentleman to all his other girlfriends. Why was she any different?

* * *

**Derek**

"_You're not supposed to have sex with your fucking best friend!" _

Her stabbing him in the heart couldn't have hurt him more effectively than those words. He had hoped, imagined, prayed that his feelings had begun to be mirrored by hers, but he had been a fool. She thought of him as her friend, and only her friend. That's what he had always promised to be, wasn't it? Any heartbreak now was his own fault.

It just amazed him that all the feelings that coursed through him when he looked at her were not reciprocated. Butterflies didn't assail her stomach when their eyes met, like they did his? She didn't picture rivulets of water running over his bare skin in his fantasies, like he did in his? It wasn't them she saw walking down the isle someday, it was someone else?

Derek cursed himself for being such an idiot. He was losing her with every second that passed. He tried to remedy the situation, but only made the entire situation worse. "Addie, it's us. Addison and Derek. This isn't a big deal. I know you better than anyone else in the world, and you know me too. Maybe this wasn't a mistake, maybe it was …" The word 'fate' hovered at his lips, but faded away as her face turned even redder.

Normally, the sight of Addison screaming at him while completely naked would have been either extremely erotic or slightly hysterical, but it was hard to find anything funny when his heart was being rent in two. "Right, so that makes it okay? So you think you can have sex with me anytime you want? We agreed to make a baby, Derek, that's _it_! Nothing more! That wasn't part of the deal! And if this entire time, you were just trying to get laid …!"

"Of course I wasn't just trying to get laid!" Derek snapped, angry himself now. How could she think that? He freaking _loved _her.

"Then don't say it wasn't a big deal! You _know _it was a big deal for me! I told you what it's been like for me in the past! It was a big deal, so don't dismiss it!"

"That's not what I meant," he cried desperately, but at the same time he sensed that it was a lost cause. They had been at the pinnacle of a tower, unbalanced and wobbly, their relationship blurring lines that perhaps should not have been blurred. And now they were falling, and Derek was afraid to look down and see how far below the ground truly was.

"What did you mean then Derek?" she asked, hand on her hips, her eyes flashing.

Derek knew that the situation demanded a solution. He opened his mouth, completely ready to finally say the words. _I love you. I've always loved you. I love you Addison. Please say you love me too. _The entire course of his future was balanced on it, and he wet his lips, ready to utter the declaration he'd kept in his heart for far too long. But he couldn't do it. If Addison found out he'd loved her all along, would she feel even more betrayed? She already thought he'd been taking advantage just like any other guy. He couldn't lose the last salvageable bit of their relationship. What if she never talked to him again?

His path could have been easy, happy, bright and straightforward instead of winding and tortuous and twisting, but he didn't know that. All he knew was that he couldn't lose her forever. So Derek could only watch as her rage built up and finally burst forth, leaving his heart in pieces behind her.

"So that's it, Derek? You have nothing to say for yourself? This, none of this, meant _anything _to you? Just an easy way to get laid a few times a month. What about your child? Did that mean anything to you?"

"How dare you suggest I don't care about our baby?" he yelled back at her, confused by her lack of understanding.

She shook her head. "I thought I knew you, Derek. I thought we wanted the same things, I thought you could honestly do this, could honestly be there for me. But now I find out every fucking thing you've ever said was a lie!"

"How can you even _think _I only cared about sex, Addison! It was so, so, so much more than that!" he said loudly, discarding any further attempts at civility. What kind of a guy did she think he was?

"You don't get it, Derek! I'm your friend and possibly the mother of your child, not your fuck buddy!"

"I fucking know that, Addison, okay? I know that." They both glared at each other from across the room, neither able to figure out what to do in the face of their biggest fight ever. Derek knew he had to accept that she'd just wanted to be friends all along, and that expecting anything more was wrong. Her assumption that it was about sex, and not love for him wasn't correct, but she was right in the sense that he hadn't been entirely truthful.

He didn't think he could stand the pain of losing her, but then again, he thought, you don't really know how strong you are until you have no other choice but to be strong. 'Broken heart' was supposed to be a figurative term, but Derek would never be foolish enough to believe that again, not when he could feel his heart throbbing in pain.

Addison wasn't in love with him, and never would be. It was time for him to move on. He'd never have her as his girlfriend or fiancée or wife, but she could and would be his friend and child's mother if he could accept it right now. If he could let go and be the best friend that he could be. He could still have that much.

Derek pulled on his sweatpants and picked up his keys, heading for the door. Although she stood still as a statue, beautiful as ever and still completely naked, he didn't allow his eyes to wonder. Their bare skin of their arms still brushed as he passed her, as he was unable to find his shirt, and he felt the spark between them, glaring proof that he had not imagined their chemistry or rightness together, but he yanked his mind from that line of thought quickly.

"I'm sorry, Addie," he said to her bare back, but the only sound was the slam of the front door of his apartment as he walked out into the rain of Seattle.

* * *

**Addison**

Her body shuddered as she drew breath, and she numbly allowed the relentless tears to spill down her cheeks. That had gone all wrong, but for once in her life, Derek and his intentions were a puzzle she was unable to solve. She felt that there was something she was missing; the Derek she knew would have never taken advantage of her. But what other explanation was there for his actions, and his words?

And why the hell did this feel like the worst breakup of her life, if she wasn't even dating the man in question?

Without Derek, his living room was suddenly a mini-Antarctica, and after a bit of searching she was able to locate his t-shirt but none of her clothes. She pulled it over her head, remembering happier, simpler times, and hugged it close. This wasn't right, this wasn't how it was supposed to be, and she sunk down on Derek's floor and bawled her heart out. He did not return, and there was no sign of Mark either as the hours passed. She wished he would walk back through the door and take her back into his arms and say it was all okay.

But when she truly examined her feelings, she was forced to concede that they were not merely friendly. She wanted Derek by her side, always, through everything. She wanted him to see everything, and experience everything, and know everything, something she could not say for Mark or Sam or Preston or any of her other guy friends.

She didn't know what the fuck she felt anymore, but she did know that she wanted Derek back. He would forgive her, right? She already forgave him, if he'd said anything actually wrong in the first place. She couldn't really remember anymore, but it wasn't his fault they'd made wild, reckless love in his living room to the sounds of Mario Kart, which was, in retrospect, the strangest aphrodisiac she'd ever heard of.

Addison extended her body out across the floor, hand gliding over her stomach. An overwhelming desire to be pregnant suffused her, so intense it was almost painful. That, if anything, would bring Derek back. Whatever she'd said, there was no way he'd be able to ignore a baby. And once he was back by her side, she could sort out her tangled feelings and hope she hadn't lost him forever.

* * *

**Derek**

Derek slammed his fist against the hospital wall, eliciting surprised and angry looks from the surrounding nurses and doctors. He groaned. Now he'd really screwed everything up. He thought things would be better at the hospital, but his situation was the same, wherever he was. He wanted to go back and hold onto Addison and never let her go, but he sensed she needed time.

They would get back to being best friends in time, he was sure, but in the meantime, he needed to get over his feelings so he could be the friend she needed. No more secret fantasies, no more whispered declarations once he was sure she was asleep, no more anything.

It hurt, trying to excise her out of his heart, but he felt better as he did it, thinking it was what she wanted. As he cut out deadly tumors and stitched up the remaining damage in the OR, he imagined he was doing the same thing inside himself.

He walked out of the OR a new man. A man who would put every effort into healing his friend and getting over his useless feelings for her. The pain of it twisted his features, and Derek sighed.

"Dr. Shepherd? Are you okay? You look like you're in pain." Derek turned to find Meredith Grey, and her numerous attempts to talk to him came back to him. She could be a step. She was nice, pretty, cared about her patients, and was clearly interested in him.

"I'm fine, Meredith," he said, giving her a small smile that felt somehow fake. "How are you?"

"Actually, um, I wanted to talk to you about something …" she said nervously.

"Would you like to have coffee with me?" he burst out, and she looked frightened and a little taken aback. But after a minute she smiled.

"I'd love to," she said, and they headed toward the cafeteria, Derek's mind doing furious battle with his heart. _Moving on. If I want to have any part of Addison, I have to move on._

* * *

**Okay, don't throw things. I had a feeling that you wouldn't like me after this – sorry. But this is all part of my slightly-evil plan. Don't worry. If you want to yell at me, however, you can do it via review :D.**

* * *


	13. Part XIII

**Paper Hearts  
Part XIII**

**Well ... not exactly what to say here. Maybe I just better let you read it first.**

* * *

_Time is a funny thing. It rushes past us, almost undetected, with no regard for anyone but itself. And as much as we often long for its passing, so eager to hurry from one thing to the next, time inevitably becomes our enemy. There is never enough of it, and it is always unyielding when we wish to go back, always unwilling to cut a deal when we realize our mistakes. But most terrifying of all is to discover that your time is running out, or, even worse, that it's already too late._

**Addison**

Twelve. It had been twelve days since she'd spoken to her best friend in the world, and Addison was going insane. She'd assisted in a procedure separating conjoined twins the other day, and she'd memorized every detail to tell Derek, anticipating his jealously but also his excitement for her, but then she remembered they weren't speaking. Just this morning she'd picked up the phone as soon as she woke up, about to call and ask where he wanted to go for their Thursday morning breakfast, but then she worried he might not answer the phone.

He'd been avoiding her, and Addison needed to know why.

Her stomach twisted into a thousand knots every time she thought of their fight. What had gone wrong? She'd been afraid of their changing relationship because she didn't want to lose him. But maybe they had gone too far for their friendship to be preserved. And Derek's cryptic little comments that tormented her into the night when she tried to figure them out. Her accusations of him just wanting sex where unfair, she knew that. But what the hell _did _he want?

Understanding him had always been easy and effortless. Their sense of each other had always been an inherent part of their friendship. Now Derek and his feelings were an enigma, and she didn't know how to get him back or what to say.

That was why she was doing this.

She couldn't wait any longer. A baby would _force _Derek to talk to her. If she was pregnant, hopefully all animosity between her and Derek would melt away. Her heart fluttered as she approached the lab pick-up station.

"Can I have the test results for Addison Montgomery, please?" she said in one breath, her words flowing together. The lab technician gave her an inquiring look, but she ignored him and snatched the results out of his hands.

Yesterday, she'd caved and gotten a blood test. Fetal implantation took around seven to twelve days, so if she was pregnant, these labs would know.

Addison just stood clutching them for a moment, petrified. A crowd of people, all intent on their various destinations, swirled around her, and she felt terribly lost. The prospect of reading the paper clutched in her hands was beyond her at the moment, so she began to walk. The halls of Seattle Grace were all similar, and she half expected to be accosted by her interns, but she was not.

Finally, she ended up in an empty stairwell. Something about the enclosed, private space comforted her, and she sat down on the step, her shaking hands still holding the wrinkled paper.

"Please let there be a baby," she said, her soft plea lost in the sounds of the surrounding storm. The weather mirrored her mood today, and she could hear thunder in the distance as well as rain slapping the pavement.

Finally she opened it, her tear filled eyes scanning the form quickly.

_Patient: Montgomery, Addison F._

_Pregnancy test: Negative_

_Negative_

_Negative_

_Negative_

The word sank like a stone into her, repeating over and over until she was finally forced to accept it. There was no baby. Addison sat in shock for a moment. She had been _so sure _that this time they'd get it right, so sure that Derek had gotten her pregnant. Her stomach literally ached with disappointment. Now what was she going to do?

Worst of all, her time was running out. Two of her allotted four months had passed her by. In a few days, the terrible pain would overtake her again, reminding her of the hysterectomy that loomed in the distance if she could not conceive in time. At twenty-four, endometriosis had been ravaging her body for nine years, causing her terrible pain every month. Her body was slowly beginning to give out, her biological clock ticking away at an alarming rate. Soon her time would be spent and the hope of having children lost forever with all her other childhood fantasies. Being a ballerina, having normal, loving parents, and having a baby. All discarded dreams faded eventually.

What she desired most of all was to be held in Derek's arms, but as that option wasn't exactly available, she settled for sobbing loudly in the stairwell, hoping nobody witnessed her disgrace. As it happened, somebody did see her, but crept back out so quietly she was never aware of them standing there.

Half an hour later, she sat up and wiped her tears. _Fuck this, _she thought. _Fuck everything. _She was going to talk to Derek. He promised to be there for her, and he deserved to know.

Her assumption, however, that her day could not get any worse proved to be totally false. Derek walked into the lobby just as she reached it, and internally she sighed in relief. Her make-up was smeared, her hair in complete disarray and more than anything she just wanted to lay down and go to sleep, and she thought that Derek would understand.

But Derek wasn't alone. He bounced through the door, his face overtaken by a gentle smile … and he was holding hands with none other than Meredith Grey.

Addison's mouth fell open in shock, and she couldn't summon the will to close it as she stared at them. Yes, she'd encouraged the young intern to talk to her crush, or love, or whatever, but she had no idea that it was … Derek. And Derek looked happy and carefree, a painful contrast to the hurt on his face when she'd yelled at him in his apartment.

It was then that she knew. It was then that Addison knew that she was in love with Derek Shepherd after all. She'd hidden it and dismissed it and tried to deny it, but now … now she couldn't. She also didn't completely understand, she'd seen Derek with plenty of other little blonde girlfriends before. But they had always been temporary, gone before she could even learn their names. She called them all Candy, to their enormous annoyance, after one of Derek's girlfriends in college who turned out to be a prostitute. Even when his relationships became more serious, she didn't really mind, because he always spent the most time with her.

He was her best friend, her lover, the father of her almost-baby, her constant. All her confusion, her unwillingness to let them go, the feelings she had when they were together, they were all explained by one thing: love. And she was completely stupid not to have seen it.

It was funny, all the little details she noticed. Their entwined hands were swinging, but they didn't seem to notice, as if it was habit. When was the last time Derek had held her hand? Meredith was smiling at him, a worshiping smile, as if he was a god and not simply Derek. When was the last time she'd smiled at Derek, or he at her?

She watched in silent agony, the hand she rested lightly on the wall the only thing holding her up, as Derek kissed Meredith goodbye and they went their separate ways. She was too frozen to move, so Derek didn't see her before he left, but Meredith did.

"Hey, Addison! Or Dr. Montgomery. Sorry," she said, coming over to inflict her bright smile on the hurt and weary.

"It's fine," Addison said softly, the ever-present tears filling her eyes, but Meredith didn't notice her silent angst.

"I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you so much! I talked to the guy like you said to, and it worked out! It really worked out!"

Addison tried to be happy for Meredith; she really did, but found herself unable. Not when her feelings for Derek were so new and raw. The crush she'd carried throughout her college days was resurrected in full force, and once again Derek was with someone else. She wasn't sure how this would have affected their fight but if she had felt then the way she did now, would there have even been a fight? Would she have been so freaked out about the non-conception week sex? Or maybe she would have lost him either way, whether she knew she loved him or not. There was no way of knowing.

She did know one thing, however, and that was that she couldn't stand anymore of Meredith's peppy happiness. "I'm sorry, Dr. Grey," she said, interrupting the resident mid-sentence. She had barely registered Meredith's surprise before she was off again, walking through the now-haunting hospital halls with neither a baby nor the man she loved.

* * *

**Derek**

"Dr. Shepherd! Dr. Shepherd!" a voice called, startling Derek out of his reverie. He turned around to find George O'Malley talking a mile a minute, looking extremely nervous.

The last week and a half had passed in a blur, one monotonous day blending into the next. He had not consciously avoided Addison, but there was no doubt that seeing her did not aid the mending of his heart. He also had to constantly deal with Meredith. It was not that he didn't like spending time with her, it was that he constantly had to keep himself from comparing her to Addison, and wishing she was Addison, and wondering what Addison would think every time she made a comment. He thought, or rather hoped, that it would fade in time, but he wasn't sure.

Would he ever stop smiling at redheads just because she was one too? Would he ever stop noticing women whose bone structures mirrored hers? Would anything ever cause him to discontinue the belief that blue-green was the most beautiful color in the world?

George was still rambling anxiously on, and Derek roused himself quickly. "I'm sorry, Dr. O'Malley, can you repeat that?" he asked, trying to concentrate.

"I said, it's Addison … erm, Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Shepherd," the stuttering intern said, and Derek's stomach dropped. "She was, uh, well, she seemed upset earlier."

"Upset?" Derek asked in an encouraging tone, frantic to know what was wrong with her.

"Well, she was, um, crying in the stairwell, and I just wondered if you knew anything about that -" George said, but Derek hit the ground running before he could even finish.

He ran through the hospital, searching for the flash of red that always identified her. He also kept an eye out for Richard, thinking he might have an idea of what case Addison was assigned to; he himself had no idea after not talking to her for so long. He ended up running smack dab into Mark.

"Hey! Watch it!" Mark yelled before recognizing Derek. "Oh, it's you. What the hell are you doing, Shep?"

"Have you seen Addison?" he gasped, trying to catch his breath.

Mark raised his eyebrows. He was the only one who knew the full story of the Addison-Derek conflict, and although he also knew both sides, he refused to get involved. When Derek asked why, he would only say they needed to work it out for themselves.

"No, I haven't seen her since this morning, but she looked pretty upset. What's going on? Did something else happen?"

"Sorry Mark, gotta go. I'll explain later!" Derek called as he once again rushed off, almost colliding with a wheelchair, a supply cart, and two arguing interns before he finally found her in the resident's locker room.

At first glance, he thought the room was empty, but then he spotted a small form huddled up between the benches and the lockers. He remembered them talking in here so many months ago, and her telling him about her impending hysterectomy, when the whole mess started.

He crouched down beside her sobbing form, smiling gently, their fight already forgotten. "Addison?" he asked cautiously, unsure if she would hear him over the crying that tugged at his heart.

"Derek," she said, and he heard warmth and relief in her voice. He only got a brief glimpse of her face before she threw herself into his arms. He clutched her just as tightly, reveling in the scent he hadn't smelled in way too long and let her cry until her eyes ran dry.

"I'm sorry," she started when she first looked up, but he pressed a finger to her lips.

"No, I'm sorry -" he began, but she frowned.

"No, I'm sorry!" she interrupted.

"Well, I'm sorrier!" he retorted quickly.

"I'm sorriest!" she said, so fast that he could barely understand. "Ha! I win!"

"We're both sorry," he said to placate her, and she seemed to accept that.

"There's no baby, Derek," she whispered in a heartbreaking voice, and he pulled her close again. They bumped up against the lockers and the bench they were wedged between but he didn't let her go. "And we're running out of time."

"Next month," he said firmly. "Next month is our month, Adds, I can feel it."

"Are you sure you still want to do this, since you're dating Meredith? Because it probably wouldn't be a good idea if you slept with her until the baby is conceived." Her eyes, looking greenish after the crying, studied his face for a reaction. Shit. He didn't know that she knew about Meredith already.

"Addie, I promised you that we would have this baby before I hardly knew Meredith, and I keep my promises. It will be my number one priority," he said, and it was true. Perhaps he should have been more worried about the effect conception sex with Addison would have on his relationship with Meredith, but the thought barely entered his mind. The baby. Deep in the farthest recesses of his mind, Derek still had a hope that a baby would bring them together for good, even as he was supposed to be getting over her.

And so they sat, heads resting on each other's shoulders, catching up on all that they had missed in their brief time apart. Addison's slightly reluctant encouragement of his and Meredith's relationship hurt, because they were the words of a friend, but he figured she desired his happiness as much as he desired hers. Their rash, angry words were easily forgotten and he slipped his hand into hers as they returned to Addison and Derek.

* * *

**Hehe yeah … don't throw anything at me. This is going somewhere, I promise, but I'm taking Addie and Derek on a journey here, not a fluff-fest (but the fluffiness will come soon enough ...)  
****There was a small Lost reference in there, if anyone watches that show. I love Desmond, lol :D  
Anyway leave me a review, and I'll try to get the next (happier!) chapter out real soon.**

* * *


	14. Part XIV

**Paper Hearts  
Part XIV**

**This is pretty much just straight up squee the entire time. Oh well, we all need a little of that from time to time, don't we, even if it's just fictional? Besides, who can refuse Addek porn?**

* * *

_When change occurs, oftentimes we don't recognize the catalyst until afterward. We are clueless, caught up in our everyday lives, unaware that everything is about to change, unaware that we are closer to our dreams than we ever believed, unaware that a storm is coming. But once that storm has passed, the dust settled and the chaos over, no one knows what their life will look like._

**Derek  
**Monday

It all started in Mark's car, of all places. Derek's had broken down the day before on the way to work, leaving the two of them stranded and freezing for half an hour until they finally managed to get a hold of Richard, who was, to say the very least, extremely annoyed. Callie, Mark, Naomi and all their other friends had not picked up their phones, so Richard was stuck driving a very pissed Addison and a very amused, albeit cold, Derek to the hospital.

He'd gotten everything all ready for the start of their third conception week. The candles were all lit and causing a serious fire hazard, Mark was warned away from the apartment for the night (not that he needed much persuading) and Derek had splurged on some very expensive champagne.

Oh, and Meredith. He told Meredith he had to see a doctor for some bladder problems. She didn't ask any further questions.

So, they were in Mark's car. At first it was silent because they were both exhausted after a never-ending shift, but then it changed. The air thickened until Derek could almost taste the sexual tension, friendly glances turned to traded little looks loaded with lust, and the only sound was Addison tapping her fingers against the armrest impatiently, as if doing so would speed up his driving.

It was nice of Mark to allow them to borrow his car, but Derek knew that if he ever found out what had happened in the front seat in a deserted corner of the parking lot, he would never let either of them so much as sit in it again. Probably because he would have traded it in.

But Mark did not know, and Derek could see Addison's fingers trembling when he parked rather precariously in the nearest spot. The dim lamplight outside cast shadows across their still bodies, and the only sound was their ragged breathing until they both looked up at the same time. And then they both leaned forward so fast they nearly bonked heads, and Addison's breath mingled with his as he tilted her head back …

**Addison  
**Tuesday

… and it hit the lockers with a resounding bang, causing both of them to pause and look around in alarm. When it was clear that they were alone in the locker room, Derek once again cupped her face in his hands and lowered his lips to hers.

It was different, kissing Derek and knowing that she was in love with him. Every single movement meant more. It was so easy to pretend he was in love with her too when he looked at her like that, sky blue eyes drinking in every bit of her.

If she had been thinking straight, Addison would have demanded that they attempt conception somewhere other than the resident's locker room, but Derek had her so intoxicated that all she could do was hope that they weren't caught. The small part of her brain that was not occupied with Derek, Derek, and more Derek was desperately trying not to picture Richard's or Miranda's faces if they happened to come in and find her pressed up to the lockers by Derek's body. But when his hand slid under her scrub top, igniting the fire in her veins, she stopped thinking at all.

Addison thought that the feelings passing between them could have blown up the hospital, or at least the surgical floor. One of his oh-so-talented hands traced the underside of her bra, slipping under it enough to just barely tease her. The other braced her head against the cold metal of the lockers, holding it to his so that only a modicum of space was allowed between them.

His tongue, dueling hers, sent pleasure racing through her body, and when he finally pulled her top off over her head she moaned out loud in relief. They were just two people, desperate to become one, hoping that their union would bring about another life. And his hands, his terribly wonderful hands, pulled urgently at the clothes keeping them apart …

**Derek  
**Wednesday

… and her lips were at his neck … biting, licking, sucking, beseeching him to take her right there.

But he couldn't, the fire casting light that played over their bodies gently would not keep her warm enough. Behind them the grey-blue Pacific ocean crashed against the beach, and the howling wind swirled around them, but they were safe in their tiny bubble of warmth, heating up the night as only they could.

It had just been dinner on the beach, but her doctor had said anywhere and everywhere, so on a towel beside their forgotten picnic basket in the middle of the night seemed as good a place as any. At least it would be an interesting story to tell their child someday, that he or she was conceived on a dark and stormy night …

Addison rolled them over, so she was on top, and the friction caused by moving bodies caused him to grunt. And then her fingers were there, working to undo his jeans, tugging impatiently at buttons and zippers and fabric until they were shivering under a blanket in only their underwear.

"Addie, are you _sure _about this?" he whispered. "Someone could find us."

She laughed, the sound of tinkling bells almost lost in the angry night. "Derek Shepherd, scared of the dark and the weather. I never thought I'd see the day," she mocked, and then pressed her lips to his chest, and his resistance was gone, flying away in the twisting storm around him, and he thought he'd never feel so exhilarated again, just him and Addie and the storm and their lovemaking, more electric than any lightning …

**Addison  
**Thursday

… and Derek was whispering in her ear, "Now _this _is kinky. You never told me you had a Star Wars fantasy, Addie."

"It's not a Star Wars fantasy!" she snapped, embarrassed. "Yes, Star Wars is on, and yes, I used to like it, and yes, we are about to make love to the epic tunes of the adventures of Luke Skywalker … but that doesn't mean anything!" she snapped as he started laughing.

"Hey, you're the one who started making out with me when things got tense between Han and Leia there," he teased, grinning, and her cheeks flamed an even brighter red.

"Shut up, Derek Shepherd! Fine, no sex for y-" she started to say, but Derek leaned forward and captured her lips, picking up where they left off and she found herself melting into him instead of pushing him away, and running her fingers lightly over his muscled chest.

The popcorn tipped over and spilled all over the floor, and Luke and his friends ran rampant in the Death Star, but neither Derek nor Addison noticed.

They were so, so, so much more than just friends. Two bodies, two minds, two souls mingled, drawn together in mindless passion, making the world a little better just by their love. So, Derek didn't know how she felt. She could show him. So, he was with another woman. She could prove they belonged together. Because right now, right here, they were as close as two people could be, their touches igniting bursts of pleasure contributing to the larger fire within.

"Do you want to pretend I'm Han or Luke?" Derek asked jokingly, but even that comment was lost in a tempest of passion almost as soon as it was uttered.

**Derek  
**Friday

Friday found them in Addison's Jacuzzi tub, the bubbles coating bodies pressed so closely together it was difficult to tell where one ended and the other began.

Derek ran his fingers down Addison's sides and gently lifted her off him, leaning her back against the edge of the tub instead. He littered butterfly kisses from her forehead to her stomach, paying special attention to the skin underneath her bellybutton, where a child could already be growing …

Her soft moans increased in volume, almost echoing in her spotless bathroom, as he went lower still, this time ravishing attention on the insides of her thighs. As he moved up, she squirmed harder and squealed louder, throwing an arm back over her head and getting bubbles all over the floor while the other hand relieved him of half the hair on his head.

He continued pleasuring her until he suspected his scalp was in danger and that Addison was unintentionally but permanently scarring the neighbors with the noises she was making. "Derek, I need you …" she moaned when he pulled away, her hands gripping weakly at his shoulders.

"I need you too. More than ever," he replied as he gently parted her legs, his eyes rolling back into his skull as he sank into her. And as they truly became one, they sank back into their familiar rhythm, perfected on the best days of his life, days that went exactly like this one was going …

**Addison  
**Saturday

The last night was in his bed, his indigo sheets creating their very own sky above them as the pleasure between them built. Their thrusting bodies wove a song created only by lovemaking born of deepest affection and understanding.

It became so that his breath was hers, and hers his, the air being consumed ever more rapidly as they approached their climaxes. And yet as her muscles shook with pleasure and her toes curled tightly she couldn't have stopped even in the absence of oxygen. Derek was her oxygen, her lifeblood, and her veins sang with love and pure exhilaration.

When they finally came, their orgasms sweeping over them simultaneously, moans cutting through the otherwise silent night, there was no distinction between them, no hurtful memories or thoughts of others or unrequited feelings. The honey-thick pleasure overtook them in waves, washing away control and self-preservation until they were both stripped bare emotionally, their carefully constructed walls which provided natural protection against hurt completely absent.

And although neither of them could ever put that moment into words, the things they saw in each other's eyes were imprinted on their souls forever.

Eventually reality descended again, and sleep made its nightly demands, but Addison knew things would not be quite the same after what they had seen that night.

"Addie, I lo – Night, Addie," Derek whispered to her.

"Night, Derek." _I love you.  
_

**Derek  
**Sunday

They lay together Sunday morning, the heaven-proclaimed day of rest, with the soft, muted sounds of endless weekend days washing around them.

"And God saw what he had created. And it was good," Derek joked, running his hand over the silky skin of her flat stomach.

"Do you really think we made a baby this time?" she sighed into his chest, her gripping fingers indicating distress.

"I have a feeling," he smiled. "I think we should start picking out names."

"It's a little early for that," she said skeptically.

"I don't know. I'm thinking Cornelius for a boy, and Mildred for a girl. Or wait … maybe we could do it the other way around. What do you think of Cornelia?"

She snorted into his chest, her laughter shaking their tangled bodies and forcing him to bite his lip so hard he tasted blood in order to control his body.

"What? You don't want a kid named Corny?" he asked, and she laughed harder.

"No, no Cornys," she said when she had control of herself.

"We could visualize implantation again," he suggested jokingly.

"I am traveling down my fallopian tube … and into my uterus … and oh, what's that? Ah, Derek's sperm …"

"Yeah, fine, as long as you never say anything remotely similar to that to our kid. He or she will be scarred for life," he teased, and she butted his chest with her head. Then silence overtook them, the kind of silence that is threaded with complete understanding. They were both painfully hopeful, anxious and a little scared, but most of all they were together in that moment, and their hands met and clasped under the sheets.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" Addison asked after a few minutes of blissful relaxation.

"Well, I know it's cliché, and it's cliché to say that it's cliché, but I really don't care. I'd be happy with either, as long as he or she is healthy," Derek said, images of a child that might or might not have existed whirling through his brain, giving him tantalizing glimpses of what he hoped was his future.

"It would be fun to have a boy, because you could take him to Yankees games and teach him how to play sports. He would be our little heartbreaker," she said with a smile. "But it would be fun to have a girl too, so I could play princesses with her and brush her hair."

"Either way, it'll be our kid. I want him or her to have your hair," he told her, running his fingers through her fiery locks lovingly.

"Only if he or she gets your eyes," she said firmly, reaching up to smooth the wrinkle between them. "Derek, what if I'm not … what if I'm not – what if I don't ever get pregnant?" Her voice was as calm as a lake on a windless day, but he knew her well enough to catch the undertones of fear and worry.

"You will, Addie," Derek said. "Have a little faith in my super sperm, will you?"

* * *

**I don't want to spoil anything, but let me just say that this changes things between Derek and Addie. I'm not saying how but they're realizing they don't want to lose each other ... Anyway, tell me what you thought, I hope you liked it!**

* * *


	15. Part XV

**Paper Hearts  
Part XV**

**Wow it feels like it has been a _loooong _time … so sorry about that. Real life intruded on my little fanfiction bubble. Hope you guys are still out there reading this. But I promised myself to be a better updater after this and to try and get a new chapter of one of my stories out everyday … we'll see how that goes. But anyway … this isn't the best chapter ever, or the longest, but I have a feeling you're gonna like it …**

* * *

_Sometimes, the blaring truth is overshadowed by life and its ever changing events. Distractions overtake our life, and we don't see what's right in front of us. The bigger goal is lost in the everyday. And then the world catches up and we find ourselves breathless._

**Addison**

Sighs saturated the glossy darkness, igniting the night with pleasure and lust, demanding the very attention of the stars. Two people, souls melding together, creating something beautiful out of a world filled with bleakness and darkness. Him, her, unadulterated pleasure, pure connection. No words were needed as skin met, bodies melted into one, and absolute enjoyment was found in each other.

Derek. Derek was all she'd ever need, all she'd ever wanted. He was right in front of her, eyes unlocking the depths of her soul, their deep blue entrancing in the dark night. "I love you," she finally whispered, and he opened his mouth, words forming on his tongue …

"Addie! Addie! You with me?" The words pushed into her consciousness, chasing away the persistent slumber and she opened confused eyes not to find a naked Derek Shepherd but instead a perpetually amused Callie Torres.

"Umm …"

"Yeah, don't answer that. You clearly weren't with me," Callie teased.

"Yeah, I was having the weirdest dream. I lived in this cute little forest with blue mushroom houses, and my neighbor was a _squirrel _…"

"Cut the crap, Addison. We both know you were having a sex fantasy in the flavor of Derek Shepherd," Callie laughed.

"I was not!" Addison protested.

"Oh, you so were!" Callie retorted. "Don't lie, you were moaning in your sleep."

"I was not!" Addison said in a strangled voice, playfully hitting her friend. She might have told Callie the truth if she hadn't possibly been moaning over Derek in the middle of the hallway in which she had fallen asleep. It was, technically, a patient's bed but the hospital was currently so crowded that every on-call room was packed, and she was lucky to find a bed at all.

Over three weeks, almost four weeks ago, she had been presented with what was possibly the medical anomaly of her career. Their patient, Richard Gregory, was actually two people, or maybe one and a half. As an ischiopagus conjoined twin, Richard had three arms and four legs, which obviously put a damper on his quality of life. His twin was parasitic and not fully formed, resulting in the extra limbs. Medical science was racing forward and separation was now possible – and she was thrilled to be a part of it. The case was extremely prestigious and had attracted doctors from around the world. It had occupied almost every one of her waking thoughts since the helicopter carrying him had touched the landing pad.

Now, finally, the approximately forty-hour procedure would finally begin, and excitement bubbled inside her. Both she and Derek were on the first shift of surgeons, and she had just been catching up on a little sleep before the inevitable page came.

"So, care to inform me exactly why you woke me from my marvelous sex dream?" Addison said snappily.

"I need your help," Callie admitted sheepishly.

"With what?"

"I'm going on a date … with Mark!" Callie burst out.

"What!! I knew it!" Addison said excitedly, swinging her legs off the bed and standing quickly. She wobbled, suddenly dizzy, and Callie caught her arm, steadying her. The strange off-balance feeling passed, but the lingering exhaustion did not, and Addison grabbed Callie's coffee from her hand, ignoring her friend's surprised look. She inhaled deeply, smelling cinnamon, and took a large gulp.

"Like I was saying … wait a second, Cal, this coffee tastes really weird," she said.

"What are you talking about?" Callie asked, snatching it back and taking a sip. "It's fine."

"No, it's not, it's gross. Seriously, Cal, I think there's something wrong with it. You shouldn't drink it."

"Okay, you're crazy. I get it; we've all been up for at least forty-eight hours straight by now. Anyway, I need your help picking out clothes. Do you think I should wear the strapless black dress? Or maybe the midnight blue one with the lace? God, Addison, I don't know! I don't even know where he's taking me! He wouldn't take me to some cheap bar, right? I mean, I should dress up?" Callie's words flowed together into a single sentence, and Addison blinked, wishing for just an iota more clarity that she chose to believe a few minutes more of sleep would have yielded.

"Um … I'd think he would take you someplace nice, considering this is your first _official _date and all, but it's Mark, so I don't know. I'll talk to him," she promised.

"Okay, good," Callie sighed. "So blue or black? Or I have that tangerine one …"

"Cal, I don't know!" she said, her voice unintentionally harsh.

"Okay, sorry. Jeez, Addie. What is up with you lately?" Callie asked. "Is it that time of …"

But Addison never heard that sentence finished, although later, when things had fallen into place, she would wish she had. For the moment, however, she was oblivious, and she excused herself hurriedly the moment she saw Derek walking down the hall, somehow looking even more 'dreamy' than he had in her fantasy. Which was saying something.

* * *

**Derek**

Normally he would have been over the moon about operating on conjoined twins, one partially unformed, causing the first to have four legs and three arms. Normally, being on such a prominent and well-publicized case would have garnered all his attention.

But nothing compared to Addison.

Conception week had altered something in their relationship; they now connected on an unparalleled level. He hadn't had time to act on these changes yet, however, because of the case that had eaten up almost all of his free time. His apartment hadn't seen head nor tail of him for the better part of a week, and he and Addie only got stolen moments of conversation between research, interviews, research, nearly a month of preparation, and oh, more research.

Their ischiopagus conjoined twin case involved most of the surgical attendings and residents plus the lucky interns. He had seen Meredith very little lately, and wasn't sure how he felt about it. Mostly because Addison somehow occupied nearly every waking thought, in some shape or form.

"This is it!" Addison said excitedly, plopping down next to him and handing him a Caesar salad. "Surgery is in an hour!"

"They're going to page us any minute, you know," he warned.

"Yeah, yeah, well we might as well eat while we can, then," she said, digging in.

She was like a mini-sun, brightening all who stood in her presence. He was the lucky-ass moon who got to reflect that light. Sun and moon, day and night, Addison and Derek. Maybe there truly would never be anyone else for him. Maybe he would continue to fall in love with her a little more every day.

"So, you ready to make medical history?" he asked.

"Yup. They're gonna put my picture on the cover of the medical journal!" she joked.

"Psh, yeah, you wish," he teased.

"Hey, guess what? I know something you don't know!" she said tauntingly.

"What?"

"Mark is going on a date with … Callie!" she burst out, obviously unable to keep the secret any longer.

"Seriously?" he chuckled.

"Seriously," she confirmed.

"Hey, this is my salad! Don't eat it!" he laughed as her fork snaked forward towards his dish.

"Der, I'm hungry," she moaned.

"You have your own … or had … did you seriously eat that that fast?" he chuckled. She only wrinkled her nose at him and then opened a clipboard and started ready, twirling one red strand of hair around her finger absentmindedly. Derek hesitated, unsure exactly how to broach this vital topic …

"So …" he started. "You want to come over Friday for … you know?" he asked, skirting around what he was actually trying to say as Richard Webber and Ellis Grey walked right behind him.

"What?" she asked, her eyes still trained on facts pertaining to their case. "What are you talking about?"

Well, what would he be talking about? "Well, Addie, I'm assuming you would have told me if you were pregnant … Don't worry, I'm sure it will happen this month. And I'm sorry to bring this up before the surgery …" he trailed off as her expression turned horrified.

"Oh my god," she said, looking like someone had told her the world was not actually round, but star-shaped instead. "Oh my – oh my god." And for once he couldn't look at her, couldn't see her sparkling eyes, sculpted nose and rosy lips and know exactly what she was thinking.

"Sorry, I should have waited until after the surgery …" he said, but she was so clearly not paying attention to him that he shut up.

"I … I totally forgot. With the case and the surgery coming up, I just … forgot. Oh my – Derek, I didn't get my period this month. There was no endometriosis pain, I've been so hungry and so grumpy … I was a total bitch to Callie just a few minutes ago, you should have heard me."

She paused as their eyes met, shock and joy being transferred between them in equal measures as he finally understood what was going on. "Der, I think I'm pregnant."

Pregnant. The life-changing words echoed through his head. Yes, they had been trying for this, but now that it was actually happening … terror overtook him, mixed with exhilaration and just a hint of doubt. He and Addison had finally created a baby on one of those love filled nights nearly a month ago. A child was making its way into the world, slowly but surely, creating a home in the woman he loved.

He was a father. In less than nine months, he would be a parent, be in charge of a whole entire new life, a life that had half of Addison's DNA. Half him, half her, a perfect little being that would hopefully bring them together like nothing else could. He was a father, and he felt his eyes tear up.

"We should find out for sure, of course …" Addison continued.

"The pregnancy tests we bought, all those months ago. They're in my locker!" he said so loudly that Addison put a finger to his lips urgently, giggling. "Come on, let's go!" he said, grabbing her hand and hauling them away from their forgotten salads. Because he had to know. He had to know this wasn't a twisted mass of thread made of hopes and wishes, not a dream or an illusion but real …

But life, of course, interrupted in the form of shrieking pagers. The surgery of their careers was starting, the OR prepped and the patient waiting. They both froze, groaning in unison, unable to believe their luck. Their fingers linked as they headed for the OR, pulling scrub caps out of pockets, him handing her the hair band he always kept for her.

And although they obeyed fate's beckoning calls, a man with three arms and four legs still could not compare with their growing spark of life, created by secret love, hushed affection, and the barest sliver of chance.

"Toldja I had super sperm!" he whispered as they entered the OR, but although they'd made a child all he got for his efforts was an eye-roll and a not so subtle smack.

* * *

**So like I said, not the longest, but we have an FHB on the way … finally, yay! Do you want a girl or a boy? I will take your opinion into account … although this kid is already starting to form in my mind :D**

* * *


	16. Part XVI

**Paper Hearts  
Part XVI**

**I get the feeling you just want to read, so I'll let you read.**

* * *

_It doesn't take a lot to alter the life you thought you had. It can be a change, a death, or a life created, and suddenly the world is shifting around you. Things are done and undone and strings are untied only to be retied in completely different ways. And your life seems a mess but then you find that when things have once again settled, simply living is more beautiful than you ever imagined._

**Addison**

There was a patient lying before her, cut open and completely exposed to the world, innards being taken out and rearranged into something new. Normally, as a surgeon, such a phenomenon would have held her absolute attention. But not now. Not today.

Because although she stared at all the blood, and all the strangely pulsating organs, they certainly weren't foremost in her thoughts. That honor went to the crystal blue eyes, flecks of the Puget Sound in a human face, of Derek Shepherd. And the little spark of life growing in her belly.

How could anyone, deformed or not, great surgical opportunity or not, compare to the man she loved and the child she (hopefully) carried? She had been leaning over this body for nearly seven hours now, and Addison thought she should have been able to start thinking of him and his medical dilemma. But it was impossible.

She also thought that surely somebody would notice what was passing between her and Derek. Someone would look up and be able to see the connection, throbbing with so much life and love that it was nearly visible. But she was wrong, and the minutes ticked by as glances were traded every few minutes, the thoughts that were traded so heavy she wondered how they could fly between their two minds instead of sinking to the ground. It was an endless cycle in her mind: Derek, baby, Derek, baby, Derek, baby … all the way until the end of her shift.

"Round one, you may step back and let a doctor from round two take your place." In that moment, Richard Webber's voice did more than just finish her part in the surgery, it declared her freedom. She smiled at Derek, and his answering grin was so bright she wondered how his face, or any face really, could contain it. They were the first two out of the room, both nearly running, and they heard several protests as they pushed and shoved their way through the crowd.

Somehow, they made it to the locker room. She wasn't sure how, wasn't even sure what had happened between leaving the scrub room, bubbles still clinging to their arms, and arriving out of breath in the locker room.

"They're – they're here," Derek panted, opening his locker to reveal several boxes, ominous in their destined purpose. She remembered buying them in the middle of the night, her body still afire from Derek's touches, and her amusement at the faces of others in the store. She hadn't known she was in love with her best friend, then. But she also hadn't been pregnant either.

There were four boxes, and they both stood holding them, the significance weighing on them in that moment. They'd_ created a life. _A_ child. _But before they could do anything more, even speak, the door opened to reveal several of their fellow residents, and Addison panicked. She wasn't ready for anyone, not even Mark, Callie, or Naomi, to know, not before she knew for sure herself. Luckily, Derek's insistent fingers at her sleeve pulled her out the other door, and the way to the nearest on-call room was clear.

Addison sank onto the bed, knowing that sleep would not let her escape for too much longer. Derek read the instructions aloud, occasionally pausing and blushing slightly, and she smiled at the sight. Derek was the kind of guy who would seriously do anything for her, no matter how unpleasant or embarrassing. The man bought her tampons, for goodness sake.

"Der? Derek?" she asked when he continued reading on about what to do if the test was blank. "Just let me take it, okay? Then we'll figure everything out," she promised. He gulped and handed it over.

"Do you … do you want all of them?" he asked, holding an armful of boxes out to her.

"No, I'll just do this one first," she said, closing the door to the bathroom and sitting down on the toilet heavily. Luckily the long surgery had made her really have to pee.

Addison nearly hit Derek when she opened the door a minute later; apparently he had been standing right outside it. "It says wait for three minutes," he said, his voice cracking with nerves.

"Kay," she said, walking over to sit on the bed again. He joined her, and the soft material of his scrubs was so comfortable, his smell, of faint cologne and soap and mint, was so reassuring that she nearly fell asleep before the time was up. How wonderful to float in cloud-swathed dreams after so many hours of working and cutting and suturing …

"Time's up," Derek whispered in her ear. "I think you should look. I can't … I think you should."

She extended shaking hand to the table where the test lay. This was it. Her future, Derek's future, it would all be determined in this moment … Derek craned his neck to see, his hot breath tickling the back of her neck and his strong hands on her hips, supporting her no matter what the results were.

She blinked, hesitated, and finally looked … and a little green plus looked right back. Instantly she felt her eyes tear up, and she stood still, stunned, unable to move as Derek caught a glimpse and began whooping. "Addie, we're gonna be parents," he said exuberantly, skipping around like a little boy. A second later his arms slid around her, her feet lost contact with the ground, and he was spinning her around and around the room until she finally laughed and cried at the same time.

"I guess I'm going to have to call you Daddy now," she joked.

"I guess I'm going to have to call you Mommy," he replied.

"I can't believe it. After all that, all we went through … part of me was still afraid that it wasn't real. Like maybe I was fooling myself, because I wanted a baby so bad. But it is real," she said wonderingly.

She yelped when he pushed her top halfway up her body, completely exposing her stomach, and pressed his lips to it. "Hello, baby. Nice to meet you too, I'm your Daddy."

"Oh, so our child is polite already?" she teased.

"Well, I doubt you'd let him or her get away with anything less," he said, his grin overloaded with charm. He gave her still-flat stomach one more kiss and straightened, their proximity resulting in their noses nearly bumping.

Maybe it was the fatigue, weighing on them both after too many hours of trying to stay awake. Maybe it was the baby, bringer of joy and contentment. Maybe it was just meant to happen. Whatever the reason, when Derek's hand slid up her neck, eliciting shivers, and stroked her cheek, they both leaned forward. And perhaps their lips would have met, leading to a happily ever after, complete with prince, princess, and baby on the way, except the door banged open.

"Uh …" said Mark, hand in hand with Callie, disheveled appearances revealing exactly what they had been planning on using the on-call room for. The following silence continued for several eternity-long seconds as they all brainstormed a prudent way to end the awkwardness.

"Sorry," Callie said finally, still staring at Derek and Addison's forms, which were melted together in all the wrong places. "We'll just … we'll just go."

"Uh, right," Derek said, stepping back quickly, and she regretted the loss of his warmth.

"Oh my god!" Callie suddenly shrieked.

"What?" Derek, Mark, and Addison asked at the same time.

"Oh my – Addie, you're pregnant?" Callie choked, eyes riveted on the pregnancy test still dangling from her fingers.

"Oh, right, yeah," she admitted sheepishly, unable to keep from smiling widely at Derek.

"Congratulations!" Callie looked almost as excited as Addison felt, and she was squished by her friend.

"Yeah, congratulations, man," Mark said to Derek, clapping him on the shoulder. Addison and Callie both rolled their eyes before Addison was released only to be crushed by Mark's bear hug.

"Careful, Mark, you'll squish the baby," she said with mock sternness. He stepped back, looking alarmed, and she laughed. "Jeez, didn't you pay attention during your OB/GYN rotation at all?"

"No. I don't like to think of vaginas like that," Mark said, wrinkling his nose.

"Oookay, well, I think we're gonna go," Callie said, obviously sensing a fight in the making. "We'll all have to go out to dinner to celebrate, but I think I'm going to go get some sleep first."

"Yeah, me too," Addison said. The lumpy, on-call room mattress had never looked better, and waves of sleep nearly overtook her as she flopped down on it.

"Sleep well, Addie," Callie whispered as she shut the door.

"Yeah, you're growing Derek's kid, after all, you're going to need it," Mark snorted.

She lifted her head to respond with a biting remark, but she was just too tired … and as Derek joined her, she floated away reluctantly, because for once reality was much better than dreams …

* * *

**Derek**

Even when he was sleeping, his head spun round and round in circles, dizziness that was synonymous with happiness bleeding in through thoughts of Addison and his child and making him giddy.

He slept beside her for five hours, barriers finally completely down, the line between friendship and romance not fuzzy but erased completely. He didn't know what they were supposed to be or how he would explain it to anyone if they asked … but he did know what they _were._ Soulmates. Duh.

Addison slept so peacefully, tangled red curls spilling all over the bed and a slight smile gracing her features, that he couldn't bear to wake her. It was hard to extricate himself without jostling her too much, but he managed eventually.

He was too keyed up to do much more than wonder the halls of the hospital in a heightened state of awareness, grinning at complete strangers. In fact, it was probably good that Mark caught up to him, because he felt like singing and that wasn't something anyone wanted to hear.

"Hello there, _Dad_." Mark's words echoed Addison's from earlier, but while hers were endearing, his were sarcastic.

"Hey, Mark," he replied, not caring what Mark, or anyone for that matter, thought.

"So … I can't believe it. Part of me thought we'd be bachelors forever. Of course, another part of me thought you and Addison would get over yourselves and you'd knock her up in college," Mark said.

"Yep, sorry. I'm kinda ditching you for the happily ever after and the white picket fence. Although it looks like you're not that far from that yourself," he said, thinking of Callie. The two men paused as they came upon the nursery full of perfect squirming pink babies.

"I never thought I'd say this, but … I'd do it for her," Mark admitted.

"Wow. So Callie Torres finally tamed herself a manwhore," Derek laughed.

"Watch it, Shep. Don't say that so loud. It'll ruin my reputation," Mark huffed.

"That actually might be a good thing," he said firmly.

"But really, I can't believe it. A baby," Mark said as if it were a foreign concept.

"You better start believing it," he replied, already envious of the ecstatic parents on the other side of the glass.

"No, I think it's you who's got to do that, McDaddy."

Neither of them were aware of Cristina Yang, lurking around the corner, mouth open in regard to what she'd overheard.

Addison showed up a few minutes later, her hair tousled and her unmoving hand placed on her stomach, and demanded that he buy her a milkshake. Both were finally glad to be free of the hospital, because although the surgery had been exciting, and the recovery process more so, they really just wanted to focus on their baby and the happiness they finally were able to enjoy.

They both prepared to meet Mark and Callie for dinner in a whirl of excitement, throwing on clothes and shoes thoughtlessly. As they journeyed out into the crisp Seattle night, the rain mercifully absent and the streetlights aglow, neither of them were particularly aware of their swinging hands. It was as if they had been doing it all their lives, the deepest ingrained habit they possessed. Addison lit up as they passed the playground. The streetlights provided just enough light for the kids who had begged and pleaded for, "just one more minute," and they swung through the monkey bars and slid down the slides with that easy kid-like grace. He smiled at her enraptured expression, and pondered his position in a few years: maybe he would be that man on the bench, pulling a woolen hat over his daughter's ears, which were red with cold. Or maybe he'd be the one holding the boy up as he carefully grasped each lofty bar, and be the one ready with a high-five at the end.

"Come on, Daddy," Addison said, her melodious voice the only thing that could pull him out of a trance filled with such tantalizing images. "Your baby here is making me hungry."

* * *

**Yay for an official FHB! Hope you liked the chapter!  
Also, I would just like to say a little something in support of Kate Walsh. It sounds like she's going through divorce hell, and her soon-to-be ex-husband Alex seems like a jerk, so hope she's doing okay.**

* * *


	17. Part XVII

**Paper Hearts  
Part XVII**

_Decisions. They shape our lives, the essence of our beings, the true teller of who we are. Some are easy, this shirt or that one, while others are hopelessly more complicated: which person to save, which way to go, which one to love. Sometimes we look back and curse ourselves, wishing to somehow transmute the information we know now back to then. But one thing is always certain: they chop up the world, mix it up, and put it back together, the end results unrecognizable._

**Derek  
**

Cloud palaces towered above him, only airplanes able to penetrate their hidden kingdoms. Darker thunderheads indicated rain on its way, but for now, he was able to enjoy the golden warmth of the sun filtering in through the clouds … and as he watched his head lolled. Oh, the joys of six in the morning taco cravings.

Speaking of cravings … Addison had devoured three tacos almost as soon as he'd purchased them, and then insisted that no, they could not go home and sleep, but that they should walk in the park instead. After all, that's what his kid wanted to do.

"Derek?" He jumped terribly when he felt a hand on his shoulder, although it turned out only to be his mother.

"Mom, hi. Addison was craving tacos," he said by way of explanation. "Sorry, we didn't mean to wake you up." His mother and sisters had arrived late the night before for their semi-annual visit. He watched Addison, who was helping a mother with a boy who had skinned his knee. To tell the truth, it wasn't an ideal time for his family to visit. How was he supposed to explain the child Addison was carrying?

"That's all right; I couldn't sleep anyway with the racket Nancy was making. I decided to go on a walk, and then I saw you … and you looked troubled, so I decided to stop. The girls are back at your apartment, probably destroying the place," she told him with a sigh, settling on the bench next to him and pulling her coat tighter around herself.

"Probably," he agreed.

"So I didn't see Mark back at your apartment … but I suppose that's not really a surprise," Carolyn said.

"Actually, Mark has been in an official relationship for the past six weeks," Derek told her, amazement coloring his voice. Callie Torres. Who knew?

"Really? She must be an extraordinary young woman. I can't wait to meet her, she sounds good for Mark," Carolyn chuckled.

"She's quite something. Callie is an orthopedic surgeon, so she doesn't let Mark get away with any crap."

They lapsed into silence, both breathing in the early morning chill. His mother stared off into the distance, but he looked at the love of his life, who was now making daisy chains for the few kids already awake and running around. It seemed like a nice neighborhood, and safe, because the children played without their parents. Maybe his son or daughter would play here someday …

"Hmm," Carolyn said suddenly, following his line of sight. "I see Addison's pregnant," she said quietly.

"What? How did you know?" Derek asked in shock. The only people who knew besides him were Mark and Callie. "She's only ten weeks; she's not even showing yet."

Carolyn laughed. "Derek, I can just tell. She's glowing, she looks happy, and she can't keep her hand off her stomach. I'm sorry," she said, seeing his expression. "I know you've always loved her. Is this hard for you? Whose baby is it?"

"Mine," Derek told her quietly.

Her jaw dropped. "What?! But you're not – are you dating? Oh my, this is …"

"No, no, we're not dating," he said before she could get too excited. "Addison … asked me to be the father. It's a long story," he sighed as her eyebrows rose even higher.

"I think maybe you better tell me," Carolyn said softly. "Starting with why you waited for over two months to tell me I have a grandchild on the way."

Derek sighed, the myriad details once again flowing like a river through his mind, the happy and sad, wonderful and painful being displayed equally. Addison, and her unusual request, what it felt like to make love to her for the first time, the constant angst as he realized she did not return his feelings, and the final joy of finding out he was to be a father.

"Addison's endometriosis has gotten really bad," he began. "So bad that she's going to have to have a hysterectomy, probably as soon as the baby's born. She wanted a kid so bad, Mom, and I just couldn't say no when she asked me to be the father because she didn't have time to find somebody else. I loved her then, and I love her and the baby even more now, but she doesn't feel that way about me. I'm still going to be there for her and the child, but …"

His mother sat for a long time, just gazing at the sky, but he waited patiently, because usually her words provided new insight to the problems in his life. It hadn't been easy for her, raising five kids on her own, but she knew more about life than anyone he'd ever met.

"Are you sure?" she finally asked.

"Sure?" he huffed, insulted. "Of course I'm sure, Mom. You think I would just abandon my son or daughter, and not be a part of their life?"

"No, no, Derek, of course not," she said in a placating voice, patting his hand. "I meant are you sure that she doesn't feel the same way about you? I mean, have you two ever talked about it?"

"Well, not directly, but she did say the sex was just sex," he told her, willing himself not to blush.

"Be that as it may, Derek, don't you think you'll regret not taking the chance? Never knowing if you could have had a life with her? If you love her, Derek, and you love your child, fight for her."

"I'm dating someone else," he said offhandedly.

"Then I guess the question is: Who do you love, Derek?"

The question haunted him as Addison rejoined him and they picked their way through the filling streets back to his apartment. Who _did _he love? _Meredith, your girlfriend,_ said his head. _Addison, the love of your life,_ said his heart. Head or heart? Red or blonde? Fate or chance?

They walked in the apartment to be greeted by the smell of omelets, which Nancy was busy cooking. The rest of the Shepherd sisters lounged around his living room. Kathleen was still sleeping, Erin had a pillow over her head, and Connie was reading a magazine and updating Nancy on the latest celeb gossip.

Derek inhaled deeply and started toward the kitchen, but Addison looked horrified. "Hey, guys, want some br-" Nancy began, but not before Addison sprinted toward the bathroom. She apparently didn't have time to close the door, because Derek could hear her retching and winced in sympathy.

Addison, who was a quandary in herself, every aspect tantalizing, every breath precious, every movement noticed. Addison, who padded hesitantly back into the room, hand over her mouth, and even though her face was partially obscured, he knew she wore a rueful smile.

"Oh my God, you're pregnant!" Nancy accused after assessing her over a burning omelet, and he was aware in a far-off part of his mind that she hadn't needed to come to Seattle after all, because they could have heard her from New York.

Her hand flew to her stomach, to their growing child, and he thought it was the most beautiful sight he'd even seen. And he realized, therein was his answer: he loved every pat of her, was willing to cherish her like an angel on earth, and was ready to walk the world for even a glimpse of her beauty or a hint of conversation.

"Yeah," Addison admitted with a large grin, eyes moving to him for the briefest of seconds, and he burned with the desire to declare his love, for her and the baby, right in the middle of the sunlit kitchen with his sisters and mother looking on.

Unfortunately, he'd forgotten exactly how observant his sisters were, and that they could catch even the most infinitesimal details. "No," Erin said, looking from him to Addison.

"It can't be," Connie breathed.

"Oh my God, it is! Derek, you knocked up Addie, didn't you?" Kathleen said, her narrowed eyes seeking a truth he knew he couldn't deny.

"Is that my pager?" he asked, edging toward his room, while his sisters filled the room with squeals and smothered Addison with hugs.

"Aw, Derrie a Daddy!" Erin crowed in delight, jumping on him as well.

"So, when's the wedding?" Nancy asked brightly, grinning at both of them.

"How 'bout you explain?" Derek said, and she glared at him for abandoning him to the torture of his crazy sisters, but he found it endearing. _I'll page you,_ he mouthed, and she rolled her eyes at his promise, but her eyes widened in desperation as Kathleen commandeered the computer and began shopping for baby clothes.

* * *

**Addison**

Ever since she had interrupted the president of Nepal, who had been flown in for a complicated heart surgery performed by Ellis Grey, to go throw up in the bathroom, the rumors had spread like wildfire. She doubted there was a nurse in the hospital who didn't know she was pregnant and who hadn't speculated on possible fathers.

One of the interns was drinking some kind of foreign tea as they walked, and when she inhaled too deeply, the smell of it caused her stomach to rebel. She ducked into the nearest bathroom, leaving her interns standing in the hallway, and promptly lost the battle with her stomach, losing the remnants of the tacos she'd thrown up in the face of Nancy's omelets.

"I can't believe we got the pregnant resident," Rachel, one of her interns, muttered as she exited and resumed walking.

"Oh, come on," Izzie said. "I think it's cute that she's having a baby. Maybe we'll even get to hold it when it's born if she brings it to work. I just want to know who the father is."

"McSteamy, maybe?" Meredith speculated, and Addison rolled her eyes. Apparently she couldn't be friends with a male without half the hospital suspecting that he had knocked her up.

"Nah, he's dating Callie," Joshua argued. "He might not even work at the hospital, you know."

"I don't even care. Do you think she'll let me help out with her baby shower?" Izzie sighed.

"I just hope her morning sickness goes away soon, because I'm tired of stopping every two minutes!" Rachel said as Addison halted again and put a hand to her stomach.

Yet, although the stories spun by ridiculous rumors had clearly run out of control, no one had guessed the actual father yet. She'd kept her ears open for anything about Derek, but to her surprise she hadn't heard anything. Perhaps she'd spoken too soon, however.

They paused at a nurses station, Addison to gather charts and pre-op notes and her interns to gossip. She was dutifully filling them out when she heard something that made pause, causing a large black spot to obscure the reason for Mrs. Black's bowel resection.

"Mer, I need to talk to you," Cristina said. Addison was tempted to ask her where her resident was, because Cristina was not her intern, but she stopped when she heard what Cristina said next. "It's about Derek."

"What?" Meredith asked, a trace of defensiveness present in her voice.

"It's just … I heard this thing, and I didn't tell you because, well, it wasn't really my business, but I think you should know," Cristina muttered. "I don't think you should date him."

"Why? Because he's a resident and my boss? We've been over this, Cristina! You're dating Burke, so it's hypocritical for you to say anything about me and Derek!" Meredith said loudly. Was that really what Cristina was talking about though? Addison tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and resumed writing so the interns would not suspect her of eavesdropping.

"I told you, me and Burke are having _casual _sex, we're not dating. No stupid dinners, no flowers, no nothing." Addison smiled, having seen the chemistry between Cristina and Burke and remembering how she and Derek had started out. "But anyway, I thought I should warn you that soon McDreamy is going to be McDaddy."

The bottom dropped out of Addison's stomach, and she felt blood rush to her face. "What?!" Meredith shrieked, earning a disapproving glare from two attendings standing close by. "Who – what are you talking about?"

"I heard the tale end of a conversation between McDreamy and McSteamy a while ago, and McSteamy definitely said that Derek is going to be a dad. Take it up with him," Cristina said before sweeping off, leaving a stunned but contemplative Meredith in her wake.

And she knew it wouldn't be long before the truth came bubbling out, flowing through even the tiniest cracks to affect those who listened, and even after it was all over, the world would never be the same.

* * *

**Derek**

His decision was made, his cards about to be laid out for all to see, and yet he couldn't help feeling slightly guilty as he approached his girlfriend. Physically, he'd cheated on her and impregnated another woman. And emotionally? He'd never truly been in the relationship at all.

She was a distraction, a desperate rebound to assuage the pain and destruction of his heart waged, perhaps unintentionally, by Addie. But Meredith didn't deserve this, didn't merit being dumped for a whim and a chance. She was the innocent victim, and he the guilty, accused, about to be hanged.

He wondered whether he should tell her about the baby, but decided not to, there was no reason to hurt her further. Derek was just going to be as honest as possible, and hope he didn't wake up to Cristina Yang pointing a gun at him.

"Meredith," he called as she exited the intern's locker room. She opened her mouth, probably to greet him as usual, but he cut across her. "We need to talk."

She seemed to sense the end was near, because she stood up straighter and looked him straight in the eye. "Okay."

"Look, Meredith, I like you, I really do. And I never wanted to hurt you," he said gently. "What we had was good, but there's … someone else. And I don't even know if they feel the same, but I have to … I'm sorry."

"I think I always knew. I hoped that you would forget whoever had broken you, and commit to us, but it never happened. I like you too, Derek, but I want you to be happy." Her voice was soft, regretful, but to his relief she didn't cry. In fact, this had gone a lot better than he had hoped.

"I'm really … maybe we could be … see you around, Mer," he offered, turning around to leave.

He moved quickly, eager to seek out Addison, so he didn't see the expression on Meredith's face. She was fitting it all together in her mind, every clue, every piece suddenly relevant, and soon the big picture was crystal clear.

"So it's true," she called after him, her voice heavy with shock. "You are going to be a dad."

The words hit him like a sledgehammer, because he knew what would come next. One did not come without the other, because after all, they were best friends and more. Two people cut out of the same fabric, separated before being placed in the wombs of separate mothers, only to find each other again years later. _Soulmates._

"Wait – it's Addison, right? Addison's having your child!" Perhaps Meredith did not intend to scream it for the entire hospital to hear, or perhaps it was her revenge, he would never be sure. But the effect was the same, because every face turned toward him simultaneously, the expressions of shock identical. The truth always comes out, most of the time in the most conspicuous, undesirable, unexpected way possible.

* * *

**So ... what did you think of this chapter? Everyone knows about the baby now, because of silly Meredith ... what does that mean for Addie and Der? Afraid I can't tell you, but I have a feeling you're really going to like the next one ...**

* * *


	18. Part XVIII

**Paper Hearts  
Part XVIII**

**Way back when, someone suggested that I nickname Addie and Derek's baby Peanut in light the fact that Addison's doctor is named Dr. Cashew (remember her from like chapter 3? No probably not). I can't remember who it was, but whoever said it, credit goes to you :D**

* * *

­_There are some scenes we play over and over in our heads. Sometimes they are events long past, sometimes they are things yet to come. We have this perfect picture of how we want things to go, how everything will play out, but more often than not, they don't turn out that way. Sometimes it even occurs in a way so completely backward, we didn't see it coming._

**Derek**

As a member of a family with five children and a dead dad, Derek had never exactly received a lot of attention. Now it felt as if someone above was shining an overlarge spotlight on him from the second he stepped into the hospital right up to the very second he left. It was uncomfortable, and he shifted in his chair, feeling people's stares as invisible bugs burrowed into his skin.

Addison was slightly calmer, but she was staring very intensely at her burrito, and he didn't think the sad looking tortilla warranted such a look. She glanced up quickly, and, seeing that they were still under intense scrutiny, ducked her head again.

"I feel like I'm back in high school, and every one is staring at my frizzy hair and braces and my trombone," she muttered to him mutinously, and he decided it wouldn't be a good idea to remind her that this was all her idea in the first place.

"You didn't have frizzy hair," he said automatically, taking in her shimming red waves appreciatively, and wishing for the umpteenth time that the baby would inherit them.

"Derek, I did," she laughed. "But that's sweet of you to say." She opened her mouth to say something more, but at that moment, Richard approached their table. Instantly, all the gossips scattered, as if the appearance of the skilled attending reminded them that they actually had jobs.

He looked from Addison to Derek, his expression the same as the one he had used when chastising them as interns. Derek thanked his lucky stares that Addison's bump was only visible under direct scrutiny of her bare belly, because one glance told him Richard was not out of touch with the rumor mill, for all that he did not participate in it.

Richard didn't apparently didn't find anything amiss, but perhaps his and Addison's expressions were a tad too innocent. Besides, Derek remembered, he had heard Addison's breakdown in the hospital the first time they'd failed to conceive all those months ago. "I've been hearing some … are the rumors about you two and a … are the rumors going around this hospital true?" he asked hesitantly, as if fearing the answer.

"Now, Richard," Derek said in a fake-stern voice, "You know better to believe the rumors in this hospital. Now, if you'll excuse us," he said, glancing at his watch, "me and Addie have a prenatal appointment to get to." They stood simultaneously, leaving a very shocked Richard in their wake.

"Did you see the look on his face?" Addison chortled when they had traveled a sufficient distance away from Richard. "Priceless."

"Yeah, reminded me of the time Adele got all the staff in on a surprise birthday party for him," he laughed.

"He was _furious_," Addison giggled, "but then when he saw Adele, he suddenly looked all meek and submissive." She sighed. "I hope that I'll make it that long with somebody, someday."

Derek wanted to say something, but his tongue was caught in his throat. Before he could unstick it, Addison said, "Well, we better get going. I'm just gonna go change …"

"If you were waiting for the opportune moment," Mark said, coming up beside Derek like his darker but more handsome shadow as Addison walked away, "That was it."

"Shut up," he muttered, rolling his eyes and trying to deny the fact that Mark was right.

"Seriously, man. She's having you kid. Just tell her you love her. How hard is it?"

"I am going to tell her. I broke up with Meredith and I'm going to tell her today," Derek said determinedly. "By the way, how can you say it's easy?"

"I don't know. I told Callie last night," Mark said easily.

"You've been dating for two months," Derek said.

"So what? I love and I told her. Simple as that."

"If only _everything_ was _that _simple, Mark," he muttered sarcastically.

* * *

**Addison**

"Derek!" she hissed. It was difficult to believe the father of her child had his face pressed up against the glass of the humungous fish tank situated in the middle of the lobby. He looked like the five year old who was doing the same thing on the other side.

"Addison Montgomery?" Dr. Cashew called, and she stood.

"Wait a second," she said when the doctor started to leave. "This clown over here is with us." Derek only grinned charmingly as he fell in beside them.

"So how have you been, Addison? Any pain at all?" Dr. Cashew asked as Addison heaved herself carefully onto the table.

"Nope. It's been great," she sighed, settling down and lifting up her shirt to reveal a very slightly convex stomach. Derek stood awkwardly for a moment, eyeing the stirrups apprehensively before taking the chair beside her and grabbing her hand. She wondered if he'd looked in one of his parenting books to see what to do when your baby's mother is having an ultrasound.

"Aw, I can tell this is going to be one beautiful baby. You two are such a cute couple," Dr. Cashew said warmly, eyes on their entwined hands.

"Oh, we're, um," Derek stuttered uncomfortably.

"We're just friends," Addison said firmly, willing her insistent blush away.

"Oh, then are you not the father?" she asked Derek, unable to conceal the curiosity in her voice.

"No, he is," she said quickly, going red.

"Okay, right then," Dr. Cashew said, giving Addison a reassuring smile. "Let's get started. You're what, twelve weeks now?"

"That's right."

"Well, let's see if we can take a look at this baby and get a heartbeat here. It's too early to determine the sex, but hopefully we can get you two a nice clear picture." The gel was cold on her stomach, exactly as she had described to patient after patient before her … still, she had never known exactly how cold that stuff was … it was different, being on the other side, being patient instead of doctor. Still, it took all her willpower not to grab the wand from Dr. Cashew and find her baby herself.

"The baby is about 2½ inches now, right?" Derek asked, sounding like a schoolboy, and she smiled. She'd discovered the books piled on his bedside stand last week, and it was the final proof. Derek was the guy she'd been waiting all her life for, her knight in shining armor. And she was going to tell him how she felt today.

"Yes, that's right," Dr. Cashew said patiently. "The risk for miscarriage drops considerably after this week, so you're out of the woods, Addison. Endometriosis can still cause some problems during pregnancy, so we'll have to monitor you closely."

"He or she can move now," she told Derek quietly. "But I can't feel it yet." Together they watched the grainy screen until a teenie body came into view. Addison sighed, unable to stop the familiar tears, which she'd seen when she performed ultrasound after ultrasound, from pooling in her eyes. This was _her _baby, her and Derek's. Derek turned his face away, wiping his eyes vigorously, clearly pretending to have something in his eye, but she knew he was impacted just as strongly by the sight of his child as she was.

He sniffed, and, probably trying to preserve a modicum of manliness, said, "It looks like a peanut." Dr. Cashew's mouth fell open, and Addison bit her lip, trying to restrain her laughter.

"No, it doesn't," she said, because if Derek called it a peanut now, who knew what he'd be calling the baby when it was born? A prune? "Our baby is beautiful."

"Yeah, a beautiful peanut," he argued.

"You've been hanging out with Mark too much," she scolded.

"Yeah, well, be glad I'm not Mark. The other day he asked how our little shrimp was doing," he told her dryly.

"I guess Peanut is better than that," she conceded.

Dr. Cashew cleared her throat, and they both jumped and blushed. It was easy to forget that anyone else was in the room when Derek turned his celestial eyes, the same color as his button up shirt, on her. "Well, Addison, I'd like to see you back here in a month, just for a check-up. Would you two like a printout of the ultrasound?" Dr. Cashew asked as Addison attempted to pull herself away from mental images of what Derek looked like without the concealing clothes.

"Yes, please," she said, and when she received it she was unable to tear her eyes away from it. She and Derek had created that little person, just like she'd been dreaming. Maybe their story was unorthodox. Maybe their paths were winding. But she wouldn't have had it any other way.

* * *

**Derek**

Spring had set upon Seattle, creeping slowly at first but soon gaining momentum. The trees and flowers all had new buds, which only served to reinforce the new life he and Addison had created. The wind still carried a hint of winter, though, and he and Addison hugged their jackets closer as they were buffeted by it.

Addison's hand covered her belly on the outside of her expensive trench coat, and he smiled, watching her, as she twirled through the bare trees, like she was walking on clouds. And she probably was, because they had made a baby, just like she'd been dreaming.

The two paused on the bridge overlooking the glassy pond below, and their reflection in the surface revealed the truth of their relationship like no words could. There they stood, as close emotionally as could be, but physically, there was a distance. Their bodies, when they stopped, automatically compensated for the small amount of space always between them.

Addison, too, was staring at it, and he wondered what she saw. Maybe … maybe it was time to find out. "Addie, I have something to tell you," he began. Was it finally time? Was he really doing this?

The truth was that he should have told her years ago.

Her answer surprised him. "I have something to tell you too."

"Okay, you go first," he offered. What was another minute, in the whole scheme of things, if she would eventually know?

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah."

Later, he would wonder how he didn't notice her wringing her hands and shifting her feet, studying him with such scrutiny that he flinched. Her nervousness, though, was catching, and he swallowed, staring out over the pond again, searching for inner peace.

"Okay, well, Derek, I'm not exactly sure how to say this. And I know it's wrong because you have a girlfriend, although I haven't seen Meredith lately ... Anyway I know we agreed that this would be just about the baby and nothing more, but Derek … I'm in love with you."

* * *

**I know, I know, mean cliffie. Sorry :D. So … Addie beat Derek to the punch. I'll have the next chapter out soon, don't worry.  
Also, I borrowed a line from a certain pirate. Thanks, Jack :D**

* * *


	19. Part XIX

**Paper Hearts  
Part XIX**

**Well, I have a good feeling you're going to like this chapter ... And I mean that this time :)**

* * *

_You never know, the morning you wake up, that all your dreams will come true. It's just an ordinary day, and you focus on the small things: the toothpaste on your shirt, the lack of food in the fridge, the idiot who cuts you off on the way to work. And then it happens, and the rest of the world fades away and ceases to matter._

**Addison**

The words tumbled out of her, a cascade of quickly spoken phrases running out from between her lips, and she blushed but kept going. Because now that she'd finally got up the nerve to tell Derek, all the emotions she'd kept pent up for years were being drawn out by an inexplicable magnetic-like force. "And I know we agreed that this would be just about the baby and nothing more, but Derek … I'm in love with you."

There. She'd said it. The world seemed to pause around her, even the wind was finally still. Her heart beat out a frantic rhythm against her ribcage, like it was trying to push out of her chest and into Derek's arms.

There was something wrong with this picture though, because in all the times she'd imagined it, Derek had not been frozen along with the rest of the world. He had a strange look on his face, like he was thinking with almost manic concentration. She tried to catch his eyes, but there was no other word for it: he was stunned, so stunned he apparently could not answer or move.

Blood bloomed in her cheeks, staining them bright crimson, and she cursed her hormones as tears filled her eyes. What was his _problem_? The least he could do, after she said all that, was react. Completely humiliated, she pushed away from the side of the bridge and walked in the opposite direction of Derek's still form quickly, intent on getting as far away as possible. What had she done? What had he done? Could their friendship survive this, the biggest mountain it would ever have to climb?

She didn't get more than a few steps, however, before someone's hand closed around her upper arm and tugged her back. "I have something I need to tell _you_," Derek said, thwarting her attempts to pull away. She struggled and then gave up, standing limply in front of him, unable to believe she bared her soul and he'd rejected her. Then he kissed her.

There was nothing slow nor gentle about the kiss, it was borne of undeniable heat and passion and longing and for a second she couldn't do anything, not even respond in turn, because the nameless feelings coursing through her veins incapacitated her. His tongue slid over her bottom lip, begging for entrance and she was only too willing, too willing to be lost in Derek Shepherd at last.

"You have _no _idea," he said in-between kisses, "how long I've been waiting for you to say that."

"You have no idea," she responded breathlessly, "how long I've been waiting for you to do that."

"Well, then," he said with a wicked grin, "Let's not waste any more time." Then their lips were cemented together again, tongues exploring and battling luxuriously, because suddenly, they had all the time in the world. Their feelings were on display for the entire world to see, and it liberated them from a world of denial and fear and brought them to a whole new dimension of Addison and Derek.

"Addie," Derek finally said, pulling back from her insistent lips and kissing her forehead. "I love you, but if this continues I'm not going to be able to resist taking you in the park right here, and I'm not sure you want to spend our first night together in jail."

"I want you now," she whined in his ear, cupping his face in her hands and leaning closer once again.

"Come on, my lady" he said, pulling her off the bridge and kissing her hand gallantly.

"You are _so _corny," she moaned, pulling away and smacking him. "Stop being a dork and let's _go._"

"Apparently my kid makes you horny," he teased as they walked through the spring kissed trees, hands clutched tightly together, footprints marking a path that was conjoined now instead of only intertwined. Their lives had been parallel for so long, never able to touch, but their baby had disturbed the normal order of things, blurring the lines and eventually resulting in their intersection.

"Well, I'm glad I told you before my second trimester, then," she said. "Otherwise I don't know what I would have done."

"I can think of a couple things, and if I were Mark, I would say them."

"Yeah, and I would kick your 'McDreamy' ass." He dodged away jokingly, eyes dancing, and she smiled, remembering all their time together, always wishing he was hers, and now he finally was.

Their feet ate up the distance between the park and his apartment, but each minute felt like a never-ending eon. When they arrived he fumbled with his keys, struggling to get the door open, and they fell in through the door, unable to keep their hands off of each other.

She communicated with her body what she couldn't with words: how much she wanted him, how long she'd been waiting, the love she'd felt for so long. Derek laid her on his bed, carefully so as not to hurt the baby, and she joined their lips again. They were set firmly on a course, one well practiced over weeks of trying for the child she carried now, and they knew each other well so their movements were well-matched; harmonious.

Derek's lips found her neck and they nuzzled and kissed the skin there, leaving her breathless. She wormed her hand inside of his coat and he pushed himself up on his elbows to struggle out of it. The rest of their clothes were gone before she knew it and his fingers roamed over her thighs, stroking them gentle but not touching where she wanted. Addison moaned her frustration and slid her fingers into the waistband of his boxers, teasing him.

Derek wiggled out of his boxers and pulled her underwear off as well, settling on top of her. She hugged herself to him, because although they'd had sex before, this time it was official. This time they were showing each other exactly how she felt.

As Derek hesitated, her need grew greater. "Der," she panted as she drew back, "what's the matter?"

He bit his lip. "It's just … I don't want to hurt the baby. I've never invaded anyone's home before."

She laughed, the movement making their bodies touch in tantalizing ways, and kissed him softly. "The baby will be fine, Derek. But me … I need you now."

He acquiesced, joining their two forms in the most intimate of ways, and she groaned as he entered her. She had been missing this for the past three months without him. "I love you," he whispered before thrusting deeper and transforming her existence entirely.

When she awoke she was surrounded by silky midnight, Derek's room cast in soft moonlight, his spot next to her still warm but his absence in the big blue bed. A soft breeze caressed her bare skin, covering her in goosebumps, so she wrapped one of Derek's blankets around her and tiptoed out to find him.

He sat out on the balcony, clad in only his boxers, muscles illuminated by the waxing moon. His face was contemplative and he didn't see her until she was standing right in front of him. She settled into the chair beside him, pulling the blanket closer around her tingling skin, and waited for him to speak.

"What do you do," he said finally, "when you have everything you ever wanted?" His voice was not melancholy, like the question suggested, but instead thoughtful.

"You enjoy it," she answered. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but it really is our time now, Derek."

He sighed, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, I just … I've been waiting so long for this and now that it's here …"

"It's surreal, I know," she said, kissing his cheek. "But it's real, and we deserve this."

"How long have you loved me?" he wanted to know after a minute.

"Pretty much ever since you and Mark asked me for help with your laundry," she admitted with a laugh. "How long have you loved me?"

"Pretty much ever since I saw you and said to Mark 'let's ask her.' But I was kind of an idiot back then, and I was young and hot and I denied that I had feelings for you to myself in favor of all those brainless blondes. I grew out of it eventually, but by then it was too late."

"It's not too late," she argued.

"We could have had years," Derek said, and his voice was sad.

"We have now," she pointed out, moving to his chair instead and curling up on his lap. He wrapped warm arms around her, holding her to his chest and she reveled in her paradise, the place she'd been hoping to be for so many years. The threads of her dreams had someone gotten woven into her life until they were one and the same. Derek's hand moved to her belly, his fingers roaming over the small curve, and she couldn't help the smile that flooded her features: life was perfect.

* * *

**Derek**

_Good things come to those who wait_. Most of the time, he had found trite sayings like that to be untrue, but as he entered the hospital the next morning hand in hand with Addison, he had to admit that maybe it actually had merit. Addison looked perfect as ever and was wearing one of her loose new maternity shirts, although she didn't need to yet. She sparkled, dazzled, soared, and she loved _him._

Mark happened to be hear the entrance when they walked in, and he grinned when he saw them. "Atta boy, Shep!" he called, and Addison blushed as Derek rolled his eyes. He saw Meredith and Alex sitting together, and she gave him a small smile, which he returned

Addison sighed. "Just more reason for people to talk," she complained when the nurses exclaimed in delight at the new tidbit for the Seattle Grace rumor mill.

"Let them," he responded. "We don't need them, and it will all blow over eventually." _And then we'll live happily ever after with our baby_, he thought, but he didn't say it because Addison was suddenly busy fending off Callie, Naomi and Miranda at the same time.

"Dinner at seven?" he whispered as her friends laid claim to her. They still had lots to talk about, namely forever. Because although that concept was assumed, it was not yet confirmed, and he wanted to know exactly where she stood. Maybe she would just want to date at first, or maybe she would be ready to move in together. He was rooting for the latter, but he would be perfectly happy with either.

"Okay," she agreed. "If I manage to extricate myself from these hounds."

"Good luck," Derek said doubtfully. She kissed him quickly, lips on his for a briefest instant, and then she was pulled away.

"So," said Mark as soon as Addison left. "It looks like somebody got some last night-"

"Stop," said Derek, holding up his hand. "No dirty jokes, no sharing of bedroom details, no nothing."

"I was just kidding. I really don't need to picture you and Addie doing it." Mark made a face. "I just wanted to say congrats. You finally got your head out of your ass. Now if only you'd done that a few years ago …"

"Actually, she said it first," Derek admitted meekly.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're an idiot," Mark said.

"Yeah, but a damn lucky one."

* * *

**So ... after 19 chapters, they're finally together. I swear I didn't mean for it to take that long, but that's how it turned out :D**

* * *


	20. Part XX

**Paper Hearts  
Part XX**

_We spend all of our lives searching for happiness, and for most of our lives, it eludes us. But sometimes, we catch up to it, and when you clutch happiness in your fist you better not let go, for it is slippery and fades easily, waxing and waning as our lives go on. So hold tight. Don't let go. Do whatever you must to keep it, for it is the greatest gift you will ever receive._

**Derek**

During the last three months living the life he'd always wanted to live and enjoying what had once only been the material of dreams, he and Addison had fell into a kind of routine. In a strange kind of apartment swap, he had moved into Addison's apartment, seeing as it was bigger and better suited for a baby with an extra bedroom, while Callie had moved in to his and Mark's. A small, infinitesimal part of him missed the bachelor days spent drinking and watching TV with Mark, or clubbing Friday nights, but he knew that life was over and had been replaced with a better one.

Derek lived in a place of bright sunshine now, it lit up Addison's apartment almost as much as she did herself. Her belly was more of a mound now, protruding out of her slim form, the movements of their child occasionally visible through her skin. They were also approaching the second year mark as residents, and had both performed numerous surgeries on their own. Their lives were morphing, changing into something new, not the lives of young adults just out of college but of responsible people with jobs and kids and families.

He sighed and sat down at their kitchen table, glancing at the mail. There was nothing new there, just a couple of bills to pay, not to mention rent. They were trying to save up for a house, so their child would have room to run and play. Addison was all for using her trust fund, but he pointed out that if she did, her parents would surely notice and call and eventually find out about the baby, a prospect which made her blanch and shiver.

Derek had just opened his laptop and began researching his neuro case in preparation for the next day's surgery when Addison appeared, fresh from her afternoon nap and wearing nothing more than his t-shirt and socks. "Hey," she said drowsily.

"Hey," he replied as she came to stand beside him. There had been no transition phase in their relationship, no period of switch between friends and lovers. They simply took it day by day and found it was more natural than anything they'd done before. Within two weeks, he knew, beyond a doubt, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life making her as happy as possible.

She kissed his cheek softly, lips lingering there, before raiding their freezer, probably in search of ice cream. "Damn, we're out," she muttered, rummaging around.

"I'll go get some," he offered, closing the freezer and handing her a bag of chips, her second favorite snack, instead. "What kind do you want?"

"Ben and Jerry's," she replied while digging into the chips. "Your kid is a freaking black hole, Derek. I could eat a cow and he or she would _still _be hungry." Addison, though given the chance by Dr. Cashew, had decided not to find out the sex, insisting that it be a surprise. Derek wasn't sure how long this would last, because she was bound to be overcome by curiosity sometime, but she had waited this long.

He pulled the list off the fridge, glancing down on it. "Addie, you already have five kinds of Ben and Jerry's on here," he said with a laugh. She pursed her lips, not amused.

"Fine, how about a milkshake from Cold Stone?" she asked, and he chuckled again, kissing her forehead gently. Addison frowned and yanked his head, by the hair, down to hers so she could kiss his lips. The magic of kissing her had not faded with time, each kiss was quite as wonderful as the last. He deepened the kiss, leaning them back against the counter, and Addison moaned slightly and reached for his belt.

"Nope," he said, pulling back with a grin. "You can't have both. Do you want ice cream or sex?" She frowned, apparently unsure, and sat down heavily on the floor.

"Stupid hormones," she muttered.

"It's not the hormones, babe, and you know it," he replied lazily, dancing out of her reach.

"It is so," she said haughtily, standing up slowly and picking up the chips again.

"I'll be back later," he promised, pulling on his shoes and heading out the door. The bright sun had dried the rain leftover from the night before, and the city gleamed in the retreating mist. The walk to the mall wasn't short, but he reveled in the exercise and the chance to think about what he was about to do.

He arrived at the mall within a swell of people, all pushing and shoving to their various destinations. The baby stores were tempting, because he knew how much Addison loved buying stuff for the baby, but since he didn't know the sex, his choices were fairly limited. Addison went back and forth on whether she thought it was a boy or a girl pretty much everyday, which only left him more clueless.

Finally Derek located the store he was looking for: Tiffany's. He'd wanted to buy a ring months ago, wanted to propose during their first week together, but he didn't think Addison was ready for it and he also didn't want her to think he was only doing it because of the baby. He wasn't a rich man, but despite her attempts to hide it, Addison was used to the best, and he had, after all, been saving up for it. "How can I help you, sir," a man asked as he entered.

"I'm looking to buy an engagement ring," Derek said nervously, tucking the list away in his pocket. He could get Addison's ice cream later.

"First time proposing?" the man asked conversationally.

"Yeah," Derek admitted. He was asked several more things, what his price range was, whether he wanted a gold or platinum ring, what cut he wanted, how many diamonds, how many carats, etc. He answered as best as he could, focusing on Addison face as he talked, realizing, as replies flew from his lips, that he knew exactly what she would want.

He was slightly worried as they walked over to the displays, with so much gold and silver and diamonds throwing rainbows around the room. But when he saw the ring sitting there as innocently as if it had been waiting for him, he knew. "That one," he said, pointing at it. "That's the one."

It was perfect, shiny platinum surrounding a good sized square diamond, with two other small diamonds flanking it. It practically screamed 'Addison.' Unfortunately that meant it also screamed expensive. "I'll take it," he said, even after hearing the price, and within fifteen minutes he exited carrying a signature blue Tiffany's box in his pocket, complete with the little white ribbon.

Pleased with his treasure hunting, Derek was about to leave and pick up the ice cream when he was stopped, once again, by the baby merchandise peeking out of a store out of the corner of his eye. Sighing, he walked in, marveling at the fact that two parts of his life were starting at the same time. Within just three months he and Addison would be walking through a nursery full of this stuff in order to reach their baby. _Their child. _It never ceased to amaze him.

* * *

**Addison**

After learning that her own mother had tried to get rid of her, Addison had never expected to feel so wanted. And after being teased throughout high school for her braces and gawkiness, this wasn't the life she'd been expecting to have. Derek, who she was absolutely in love with, a great career in front of her (she'd recently decided to specialize in neonatal for sure) and a baby on the way.

"Addie?" a voice called as a key turned in the lock. "I'm home." She grinned, it was her favorite thing to hear coming from Derek's lips. He disappeared briefly into their room, discarding his coat on the bed, and settled on the couch next to her.

"What's this?" she asked, seeing the bag in his hands.

"Oh," he opened it, pulling out what was inside. He showed her a good-sized book that was apparently full of baby names. "I thought he could start thinking about names," he said.

"Okay," she agreed, "although we'll have to pick one out for both a boy and a girl." She leaned back onto his lap and he placed a hand on her stomach while opening the book.

"Hmm, do you like Rachel for a girl?" he asked after a minute. She couldn't help it, she wrinkled her nose. "Okay, okay, no," Derek laughed, turning the page.

"Lilly?" she asked.

"Too popular," he argued. "Faye?"

"That's pretty," she said, tumbling it over in her head. "Maybe. Do you like Spencer for a boy?"

"Not particularly," he admitted apologetically. "How about Damien?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Daishiro, then?" he joked.

"That's not a name," she argued, reaching for the book.

"Is too," he said, pointing to it. "Well, we always have Cornelius as a fallback."

"Brooke is a pretty name," Addison said contemplatively. "Do you like that?"

"Brooke Shepherd," he said. "It has a nice ring to it. I like Ophelia too."

"Der, she'd get teased," Addison protested. "We can't name her that."

"Are you looking for something more traditional and conventional, or something unusual?" he asked.

"Well, I want it to be pretty unusual, but not to weird," she said thoughtfully. "I don't want him or her to have a name everyone else has."

"You do realize that this kid will probably be gorgeous to pull off whatever name we give it, right?" Derek said with a laugh. "Roselyn, I like that," he said. "What about you?"

She shrugged, "Yeah, it's nice. But we already have a few girl names. I like Caleb and Nolan, for boys."

"I'm not naming my son Nolan," Derek argued, shutting the book. "But we still have plenty of time to think of names, Adds."

_Time_. She liked the idea of time with Derek. The past three months had flown by in a whirlwind of happiness and discovery, and between their careers and the baby and their friends, she felt like she'd hardly had enough time to breathe. It would be nice to get to actually _enjoy _her happily ever after. She'd earned that, right?

The phone rang, interrupting her thoughts, and Derek handed it to her without answering, indicating that it was one of her friends. "Hello?" she answered it.

"Hey, Addie, it's Callie! Listen, a bunch of us are getting together at Joe's, and we were wondering if you and Derek wanted to come," her friend said in one breathless sentence.

Addison winced as her body tensed up, and she gasped. She had explained Braxton Hicks to countless women, telling them there was no reason to worry, but it was completely different experiencing it herself. "Um," she hesitated, pressing the phone up against her chest. "Der, you want to go to Joe's?"

"Sure, if you're up for it," he said, turning off the football he'd started watching.

"Yeah, we'll be there in a few minutes," Addison said, already walking toward the bathroom. Derek trailed behind, already wearing jeans and a sweater from his earlier excursion. She hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed, stripping her shirt as she went, and finally kicking her socks off as she got in the shower.

When she was out, hair dry, make-up done, and dressed in a towel, she left the bathroom to find Derek sitting on the bed. He jumped when he saw her, tucking something into the folds of his coat, and she eyed him suspiciously. "What was that, Der?"

"Nothing," he said, smiling the charming grin he gave when he didn't want to get in trouble. Then he kissed her, and she forgot about his suspicious behavior as soon as his lips touched hers. He kissed her gently for a few minutes before reaching for her towel.

"Not now, we have to get ready," she said briskly, pulling away and heading toward the dresser.

"We could just skip it," he said coaxingly, coming up behind her to kiss her neck.

"Nope, we said we were going," she told him firmly.

"This is punishment for earlier, isn't it?" he asked, chuckling.

"Yes, maybe it is," she told him haughtily.

"Ah, the whims of pregnant women," Derek sighed, helping her put her coat on. Unfortunately, it would no longer button because of the baby. "Let's go."

Warmth and light emanated from the pub into the dusky night, creating a comforting feeling. Despite her previous sentiments, she reached for his hand, which he took and squeezed lightly. "Congratulations!" came several shouts as soon as Derek's hand touched the door, and they opened it to find all their friends gathered around the bar.

"Hey, Derek, hey, Addison!" Joe called.

"What is this?" Addison laughed.

"Well," Callie said, grabbing Addison's upper arm and tugging her to the bar, "we were going to have a baby shower. But we don't know the sex of the baby and none of us really know how to have a baby shower. Plus Mark wanted to be a part of it, then Preston and Sam found out, and it all sort of snowballed into this." She gestured around the room, where the men were gathered around the TV and the women sat gossiping and drinking.

"We did get you this," Callie said, getting up and walking over to a large box sitting on the floor beside a table.

"Wow," Addison said. She opened the box, hoping for further illumination, but only found a set of complicated instructions. "This is great. But, um … what is it."

"I don't know, some sort of jungle gym for the baby," Callie said, unconcerned. "It keeps the kid quiet when you're like, doing the dishes or something."

Addison chuckled. "Thanks, Cal, this is great. I'm sure the baby will love it, no matter what it is."

"Cake time!" Izzie called from the bar. "I made it myself."

Who knew happily ever after was so sweet? Addison thought to herself as she walked to claim a piece of cake before it was demolished. This wasn't exactly how she had expected her life to turn out. Best friend first, then an excellent career, next a baby born of desperation, and now, finally, her prince charming and subsequent happily ever after. But, then, she thought, she wouldn't have changed a thing.

* * *

**So, we have some Addek happiness. I think they deserve after all that has gone on in this story, don't you? I have to admit, though, that this story is starting to wind down a bit, I'll probably finish it in a few chapters. But not before the baby is born of course! And Derek proposes! :)**

* * *


	21. Part XXI

**Paper Hearts  
Part XXI**

_One moment, one word, one question can determine the paths of the rest of our lives. It's not often we encounter a soul mate, someone to hold while the world falls down. But when we do, it is the most beautiful thing in the world and we seek such love out with every fiber of our beings._

**Addison**

"You're not eating that, right? Please tell me you're not eating that!"

"Of course I am," Addison told Callie, matching her skeptical stare with a bright smile. "The baby's hungry."

"For French fries, chocolate sauce, and peppers? Right," Callie snorted, eyeing the dish in Addison's hands.

"Delicious," Addison said. "You should try some." When Callie blanched, Addison laughed and continued into the living room, where Naomi and Miranda sat sipping margaritas and painting their nails. They both made disgusted faces when they saw what Addison was eating.

"Addie, sit down," Miranda said in a stern voice. "Derek made us promise to take care of you."

"Yeah, what is up with him lately? He was really jumpy this morning and freaked out when I started cleaning the apartment," she said, settling down to eat her snack. The other women exchanged uncomfortable glances and avoided her eye, which she normally would have found strange but was distracted by a pile of cucumbers on plate sitting on the coffee table.

"Those are for facials!" Naomi exclaimed, jumping up and swiping the cucumber from her hand. "Derek said to treat you like a queen, and I can't if you eat the raw material!"

"I think I'd rather sleep. Or get fat," said Addison contemplatively.

"No, no you don't," Callie said, showing her a bag full of nail polish. "McDreamy offered us chocolate if we gave you a spa day. We got cocoa butter for stretch marks, a mask for your face, and even a home wax kit. You are going to be beautiful?"

"What for?" Addison asked, closing her eyes. The baby had refused to calm down the night before, bouncing around inside her even after midnight. "I don't like to have sex this pregnant. Believe me, Derek tried to convince me, but I'm too much of a lump."

"Well, I want that chocolate," said Callie. "So lay back, Addison. It's three against one." Addison complied with a sigh, hoping that Derek didn't wait too long to come rescue her. The baby tumbled round and round and she nearly fell asleep as her friends exclaimed over her cuticles. Instead she though of Derek, and the softness of his lips, and his morning glory eyes reflected in their baby's face …

* * *

**Derek**

For once the clouds held back the rain, swaddling it and storing it for a later date. Anxiety bubbled like acid in his stomach. Was he doing this too soon? It had only been four months, but they had waited so long for each other, been through so much, and they would have a child together in two months … that seemed like solid foundation for an engagement. Not to mention that the sight of Addison made him crazy, and he was sure he loved her more than any person in the history of the world had loved another.

Though rain did not fall, the streets were wet, and they reflected the glowing lights of the city. People bustled around them, Seattle active like a livewire at night, glowing and pulsing and glittering.

Derek held Addison's hand loosely as they shouldered their way through the streets. The weather had improved over the last few weeks, meaning she only wore a light sweater dress that showed off her baby bump. Despite her slight smile as she took in the lively streets of Seattle, he could tell something was bothering her.

"Chinese?" Derek asked with a grin, pointing at a small Chinese place down the street. This was the only flaw in his plan: if she did not feel like Chinese food, he was in trouble.

"Sure, I think your kid wants some Chinese food tonight," Addison said, her hand automatically flying to her large baby belly. She'd gotten past the sickness, horniness, and cravings, and now she positively glowed. There was nothing more beautiful than Addison carrying his baby, and he was so glad that even before they knew they loved each other, she had still chosen him to be the father of what might be her only child.

"Two orders of Sesame chicken," Derek said as they stepped up to the register, because it had been their tradition since med school. He winked at the man behind the counter.

"Oh, you is Mr. Shepherd?" he asked while Derek shook his head frantically. Apparently the man had not exactly understood his English earlier.

"Uh, yeah," he said, digging out his wallet. "Thanks so much." He accepted the bag full of food boxes, utensils, and fortune cookies.

"Did you know him?" Addison asked as they took to the streets again, heading for the waterfront.

"Um, I've been there a few times before," Derek said, thinking quickly.

"You must have tipped pretty well, for him to remember you," she laughed shortly.

Derek merely shrugged and indicated that they had reached the correct spot. From their vantage point, they could see the ferries pulling in and lights reflecting off the Puget Sound. It was perfect. "So," he said to Addison, who was fiddling with her chopsticks. "What's going on, Addie?"

"Nothing," she replied, refusing to meet his eyes. She looked upset, but since he made sure she would spend the day with her friends, he couldn't imagine what could have gone wrong.

"Come on, Adds, you can tell me," he said persuasively. She looked like she was going back and forth about telling him whatever it was. "What is this about?"

"I don't – I just – What if I'm not good at this, Derek?" she asked, gesturing at her rounded stomach. Sometimes in the middle of the night he would lay beside her and just watch her stomach, occasionally being rewarded when his child moved inside her. "I can't cook. I suck at cleaning. I was raised by my family's cook! So how the hell am I supposed to do this, Derek?"

"It's the hormones talking, babe. You're going to be an amazing mother. It's always been you I've pictured carrying my kids, Addison. Not anyone else but you. And I know that you –" he grabbed her hand, "– we can do this. Together. I promise you that," he said earnestly. She seemed affected by his sincerity and smiled back uncertainly, moving their hands to the top of her bump.

"Somehow, I always pictured you being my child's father," she said, leaning against his shoulder, her mist-laden hair curling against the skin exposed by the neck of his sweater. "Not always in the traditional sense, but I would always see you and me and the kid, not whoever his or her father was. I guess my subconscious was trying to tell me something," she said ruefully. "I love you, Derek. You're my best friend in the world, and I feel so lucky to have you."

"I disagree, _I'm _the lucky one," he teased lightly. "But I'm also hungry, and we've got to feed our little monster." It was an apt description; Addison consumed her entire meal and then tried to sneak some of his. "That's mine, woman," he said when she reached for his food, blocking her fork with his. "You can have both the fortune cookies, though."

As he handed them to her his heart began pounding frantically, a drum against his chest. It seemed to talk her an eternity to select one of the cookies, heft its weight with a frown, and then crack it open, the light brown pieces falling around the shiny platinum engagement ring. Addison's eyes widened, and she gasped.

"I never want to spend a single day apart from you, because I will love you to the end of my life and beyond. So," Derek said, grabbing the other cookie and opening it to reveal the words inside. It read: _Will you marry me? _He held one of her hands as he got down on one knee to reinforce the message, "Will you marry me, Addison Forbes Montgomery?"

"Oh my god, Derek, I can't believe it – yes, yes of course I will!" she said, throwing her arms around his neck. He was slightly worried when she didn't say anything more, but then he realized she had broken down into sobs against his shoulder.

"Sorry," she sniffed, pulling back and straightening. "Hormones. This is a beautiful ring, Derek, how did you know?"

"I know you better than anyone, remember?" he asked, reaching for her hand to slip the ring on. It sparkled in the sparse Seattle light, a symbol of the small amount of hope, his hope that she would eventually love her, and her hope that she could, despite the odds, carry a baby, that had ignited their relationship past the bounds of friendship.

"How did you get the ring in the fortune cookie, though?" she asked, looking down at the pieces in her hands.

"Well, I wasn't too sure about how to do that, so Mark suggested I use bribery. I paid that man back there to put it in there," he said. "I told him it was a fake diamond so he wouldn't steal it."

"And he believed you?" she asked incredulously.

"It's there, isn't it?" he answered, grinning. She rolled her eyes and pressed her lips feverishly to his, moaning as he ran his tongue over her bottom lip. Their display was a little too ardent for the setting but he hadn't ever been less worried about modesty. Addison slid her hands down his neck to rest on his chest as she kissed him, and they were joined together under the sliver of moon, each equally unwilling to end their bliss.

Until Addison pulled back with a start and grasped her stomach. "Your baby is doing somersaults," she giggled after a second. "Here, feel."

* * *

**Addison**

"Is the baby a boy or a girl today?" Derek asked as he felt the movement beneath her skin. It was surreal to feel an actual living person inside her, for all she was used to it.

"Well, yesterday I thought she was a girl. But today I'm thinking he's a boy," she said thoughtfully. Some days she saw a little redheaded girl, proudly showing off dance moves to her, Derek and Mark in a tutu, and other days she saw Derek teaching their son to fish, the little boy excited as his father helped him real the squirming animal in.

"If you keep thinking like that, it's gonna be a hermaphrodite," Derek joked.

"Good one," she said sarcastically, heaving herself up to throw away their empty food boxes.

"Well, even if we don't know the sex because every time Dr. Cashew asks you, you refuse to find out, we can still pick up a couple things. A crib, toys … lots of stuff," Derek pointed out, grabbing her hand. "Or we can buy yellow or green clothes."

Addison wrinkled her nose. "Ew. My baby is not wearing yellow, at least not all the time. And green is a boy color."

"We wouldn't be in this predicament if you hadn't insisted on a surprise," he pointed out as they headed to the mall. It was crowded, teeming with people enjoying their Friday night out, but the baby store they entered was fairly serene. Derek headed off to look at furniture while she wandered through racks of clothes, occasionally touching an outfit she found particularly cute.

"Addie, I found a crib!" Derek called, and she wound through various displays to find him standing beside an expensive-looking white sleigh crib with sailboat bedding.

"It's perfect," she sighed, running a hand over the railing. "Beautiful. Although we can't buy the bedding." Derek grumbled, and she remembered his love for ferry boats, but then suggested a soft changing blanket, the top of which looked like a lion. "Oh, and look at this rocking chair, Derek! And this mobile, we could have a jungle theme!"

He smiled, nodding in agreement with what she said, but she noticed he had a far-off look. "What's up?" she asked.

"Well," he said. "I always dreamed I'd be here with you someday. I just never thought I truly would." She wasn't even given a chance to respond as he kissed her passionately, hands resting on the member of their little family that would be joining them shortly.

* * *

**Hello, everyone! Sorry, I know it's been a little while. There's only three more chapters of this story after this, and the baby is born in the next one, which I'll try to get out soon!**

* * *


	22. Part XXII

**Paper Hearts  
Part XXII**

_Of all the delicate things in the world, happiness is perhaps the most fragile. One day, one event, even one world can make or destroy it. It is also one of the most difficult things to attain. If you could bottle happiness, you'd be the richest person on earth. But happiness is far too fickle to be constant, much less collected and saved._

**Addison**

There was something comforting about the darkness, Addison thought as she sat on her and Derek's couch, waiting for him to come home. It was in the dark that she and Derek had kissed the first time in her bedroom, they made love for the first time under the cover of darkness, more likely than not their baby had been conceived without even a twinkle of light, and two months ago Derek had proposed to her overlooking the dark city.

With all those events happening while the sun was asleep, she should have suspected that their child would arrive at blackest midnight also.

Addison sighed, bored, as she flipped through channels on the TV … a lame reality show … a cooking program where the head chef screamed … an alien sci-fi … the movie Sleepless in Seattle. Addison stopped the remote there, remembering forcing Derek and Mark to watch the movie in college. Sighing again, she turned the volume down and sank back into the pillows, placing the remote on her large stomach. Six days until her due date.

Eventually the sound of voices and the lull of the rain outside almost put her to sleep. Derek had a long surgery, but he was supposed to be home by eleven. She had discovered during the last two months that maternity leave, or actually sitting home, eating ice cream all day, and brainstorming ideas to make her feel more ready for the baby, was fun for a maximum of two weeks. Then she wished to be at the hospital with Derek and her other friends, saving lives.

There was a small, dull _thud _and a weight lifted off her stomach. Addison's eyes popped open, searching the darkness for a hint of movement. Her hands flew to her stomach, roaming over her distended skin, but she felt nothing. Then she noticed the remote sitting on the floor, when she knew she'd left it on top of her bump.

"Did you kick the remote off Mommy's tummy?" she cooed to the baby, but there was no response, and no reacting movement. Addison placed the remote on her stomach again, and waited … and she felt a strong kick as the device went flying off again. "Silly Peanut," she laughed, awestruck that her child already had a personality. "All right, I'll put the remote on the couch if you let me get some sleep," she said.

The next time she woke, it was because a warm wetness was dribbling down her legs. For once humiliating second, she thought she'd peed her pants, but then every muscle screamed out in pain, her body convulsed from the inside out, and she could only wait, panting in pain, until the contraction passed.

"Oh no," she moaned. "Please, Peanut, don't come now. Wait a few more days. Wait for Daddy to get home …" But of course the baby didn't listen. Addison picked up the phone and pressed Derek's speed dial, glancing at the clock: 11:15. Where was he?

It fell from her hand as another wave of pain hit, she curled up, seeking reprieve from hell but there was nothing … that's when she realized that something was wrong. Labor was supposed to be painful, yes, but not like this. Her endometriosis pains had stayed absent for her entire pregnancy. She was unsure why they would return now, unless labor had pushed her hormone levels out of control …

Her contractions were spaced too closely, they shouldn't have been coming on so fast, and if Derek didn't get home soon, she'd be having her baby on their living room floor. She gasped again as sharp claws raked through her lower body, and her uterus contracted, trying, fruitlessly, to push the baby from her body.

Addison's crimson hair swung over her shoulder as she lowered herself to the floor. Propping her back up against the couch, she steeled herself for medical examination, as close as she could do it. If she could figure out how many centimeters she was dilated … but the agony was too great and she only ended up bent over her stomach.

Only one word fell from her lips. "Derek!"

* * *

**Derek**

The moment he entered the house, he knew something was wrong. That's how attuned to Addison, and by extension their child, he was. That he could feel her pain as he stepped over the threshold and sprinted into the house …

"Addie?" he called, his voice strangely strangled. She didn't answer, but then he found her writhing in pain in the living room, hands clutched tight around her expanded stomach, the front of her borrowed pajama pants wet …

"Der, this baby is coming now, and I don't know what, but something is wrong …"

"Okay, okay," he said soothingly, trying to conceal his inner panic. He kneeled and scooped her up into his arms. It was more difficult than it had once been, with the baby, but he was able to heft her weight long enough to get her out of the apartment and into his car. He placed her in the backseat while she moaned in pain, and then, as he struggled to get his own door open, he called Mark.

"Hello?" Mark answered in a sleepy voice.

"Hey Mark, it's Derek. Don't talk, just listen. Addie's in labor and something's wrong, so I'm taking her to the hospital. I left the apartment unlocked, though, so if you could come over here and lock it and then meet us there …"

"Sure, man," Mark said, and Derek could hear rustling as he got out of bed. "Is Addie … is Addie okay?" his voice broke on her name, and Derek knew that Mark cared as much about Addison as he did, albeit in a different way.

"I don't know," he said truthfully as he started the car. "I gotta go now Mark, I'll see you soon, okay?" He barely heard Mark's agreement over the roar of the engine as he pulled out of the parking lot. He could only pray the cops were otherwise occupied tonight, because several traffic laws were about to be broken.

"Ow, ow!" Addison cried from the backseat. He flinched along with her, Addison rarely complained about pain, even when her endometriosis got bad … that meant that this was serious.

By the time they arrived at the hospital she could barely move for fear of igniting any more torture. Dr. Cashew met them in the lobby, worry etched on her face as they wheeled Addison to a delivery room. She was placed inside; an IV hooked up, but Dr. Cashew grabbed his sleeve as he tried to enter after her. "Derek," she said. It was strange, they weren't on first name basis, but his catastrophe had pushed them closer together than mere strangers.

"What's going on?" he asked, finally allowing the panic to drench his voice. "What's wrong? She had a great pregnancy, everything was going well …"

"I won't know for sure until I examine her," Dr. Cashew said hesitantly. "But it looks like for some reason her endometriosis is flaring up again. You know it does that when her hormones get unbalanced. Our main objective is to get the baby out as soon as possible, which may mean a c-section."

"But Addie said she wanted to do this all naturally-" he protested before the other doctor cut him off.

"I'm all for that, Derek, but sometimes Mother Nature takes over and there's simply nothing you can do," she said. "I'm going to go examine Addison, but if push comes to shove, I'm going to need you to convince her to do the c-section."

As it turned out, Dr. Cashew examined Addison for barely thirty seconds before ordering a few interns to have an OR prepped. Derek tried to rush to her side, to take her hand even though it felt like she was going to break his fingers, but Dr. Cashew ordered him out, telling him to scrub in so he could be beside Addison during the procedure.

"The baby's in distress, let's go," he heard Dr. Cashew say as he left, and as he turned to catch one last glimpse of Addison, he could see frantic movements on the ultrasound. Then Addison screamed. The last thing he saw was Dr. Cashew wielding a huge needle, preparing it to be inserted into Addison's spine.

Addison's clammy hand was limp in his when Dr. Cashew prepared to make the first cut. Her face was ashy, her body limp, but she gazed at her stomach with a kind of loving adoration and attempted to squeeze his hand. He smiled back, but felt like a fraud: he was too worried to feel any real exuberance at the birth of his child. They hadn't even picked a name yet.

Derek shut his eyes as the scalpel descended toward her skin. Instead, he remembered Mark rushing in in his pajamas, Callie, Naomi, Miranda, Richard right behind him … asking someone to call his mom, his sisters, anyone …

Dr. Cashew worked swiftly, and as he turned back he saw a squirming, wet baby in her arms. Derek was unprepared for the love that crashed down upon him in that moment, for his child, for the baby covered in fluid, scarlet hair plastered to its head …

"It's a boy," Dr. Cashew called, and tears entered his eyes. A son. He had a son.

But something was wrong, because the baby didn't cry. No first wail came to his lips, no scream of surprise and cold and the shock of air instead of water … nothing. Dr. Cashew handed the baby off to another doctor, and Derek was about to follow before he looked back at Addison, thinking she would need reassurance.

But she didn't, because she had fainted and suddenly the heart monitor went wild and still his child did not cry. Was this it, he wondered. Had they used up their allotment of happiness these past few months, had things been too great, too breathtaking, and now the universe was balancing them out? One thing was certain; he would not live through losing them both.

Then a cry filled the air, soft at first and then louder and louder and his son's first cry was his salvation. But before he could rush forward to hold the tiny person in his arms, to welcome his child into the world, the baby was whisked away. His son, his Peanut.

"Derek," Dr. Cashew said, and he turned back to look at her. "The baby will be fine, Derek. He'll be cleaned and weighed and they'll put him in the nursery."

That's when he noticed the red, surrounding Addison on the table. Addison was bleeding; there was so much blood, too much blood. "She's hemorrhaging. We need to do the hysterectomy now," Dr. Cashew said, taking him slightly aside.

"W-what?" Derek stuttered. This was just too much to take in, too much to fathom. "But, if you do, she won't be able to have any more kids. Addie loves kids. She wanted a whole parade of kids …"

"If we don't do it, she'll die," Dr. Cashew said flatly. "Looking at her … it was a miracle she was able to carry that baby for nearly nine months, it's astounding she was able to carry him at all. Her reproductive system is shot, Derek, completely ravaged. By all rights, she shouldn't have even been able to conceive, not three months after I told her she needed the hysterectomy. The endometriosis was much worse than I knew."

"She didn't feel any pain at all," he said, confused by this new knowledge. "Not until now, not until labor."

"Like I said, a miracle," Dr. Cashew said.

While he delayed, she was bleeding out right before his eyes. Her face was turning paler by the moment … "Do it," he said to Dr. Cashew. He didn't look this time, only stroked her red waves throughout the entire surgery.

"You can go now," Dr. Cashew breathed tiredly an indefinable amount of time later. "Go see your son. She'll be put in a room so she can recover a bit, and then you can see her." Derek nodded and bent to press his lips against Addison's forehead for a single instant. Then he exited the OR in blood spattered scrubs, feeling as though a world's worth of stress had been placed on his shoulders.

When he arrived at the nursery, he encountered a whole crowd of people around the glass. They quieted when he arrived, and then moved so he could see his son … Baby Shepherd, right in front, the most beautiful baby in the entire nursery. A tiny, chubby hand was extended into the air and he smiled widely, unable to wait to go see his son.

"Congratulations, man," Mark said when he intercepted Derek by the door. "I watched them bring him in. 6lbs, 11 ounces. He's great."

"He is, isn't he? Addie did amazing, the doctor said she shouldn't have even been able to have him," Derek said, brimming with pride. Mark clapped on the back and then moved aside so Derek could enter and meet the person he and Addison had been waiting for for over a year now, ever since she first whispered her idea to him lying on the floor of his old apartment.

The baby's hair was dark red, he had gotten his wish. But the true shock came when his son opened his eyes. Most babies' eyes when they were born were dark blue or dark grey, but his son stared back at him with his own crystal blue eyes.

"Hey, buddy," Derek whispered. "Hey Peanut." Carefully he bent to lift his son, placing his hands in all the right places and supporting his baby. The little boy's skin was soft, and he gave a slight mewl as Derek held him and ran a finger down his plump belly. It was too early for a true smile, but he thought he saw his son's lips curve up slightly.

"You're pretty amazing. Now, do you want to go meet Mommy?"

* * *

**Addison**

The first thing she saw upon waking and struggling into a sitting position was the best thing in the world. Her fiancé, coal curls slightly messed, scrubs awry, carrying a baby. Her baby. Her son.

"Hey there, Mommy," Derek said softly, swaying back and forth with their baby. "Look who got red hair just like I said? It's darker than yours, though. And he has my eyes. And he likes it when you rub his tummy."

Addison tried to smile, because her heart was soaring, but she was disappointed that she didn't remember any of it. The last things she was able to recall were the blinding OR lights and Derek's scared voice. She had missed the first sight of her son, missed his first sound, his first blink, his first bath. Derek knew him, Derek had met him. She didn't know him. It was different with him outside of her like this.

But Derek walked towards her, cradling their child carefully. He bent and kissed her lips adoringly, tenderly, and then placed her son in her arms. And she found that she did know him after all. Her little Peanut. He was tiny and perfect, his skin slightly irritated from the new sensation of air instead of amniotic fluid. She blessed each curve of skin, each tuft of hair … every inch of him.

"I can't believe we made him," she said. "He's the most beautiful thing on earth."

"He is," Derek said. "I knew he was a boy all along."

"Oh, you did not," she laughed. "Because I saw those pink baby booties you bought."

Derek frowned and she touched his chin, where a slight bit of stubble grew, he must not have shaved that morning. Her and him, they'd created this amazing little person. "He needs a name," she said. "But we never picked out any boy's names."

"I told you, there's always Cornelius," he reminded her jokingly.

"Very funny," she smirked. "No, I was thinking of … Griffin," she said hesitantly, gauging his reaction.

"Griffin …" he said slowly. "Surprisingly, I like it. The first boy name we agree on, and it's the name of a mythical beast."

"You can pick his middle name," she offered, fingers stroking his fine little patch of hair. Griffin gurgled, a few bubbles appearing on his tiny pink lips, and she wiped them away, laughing.

"How about Griffin Nathaniel?" Derek asked after a minute.

"Griffin Nathaniel Shepherd. It's perfect," she said with a smile.

"You don't want it to be Montgomery Shepherd?" Derek asked.

"No, I'm going to be Addison Shepherd before too long, so what would be the point?" she asked with a smile.

"Addie, there's something else," Derek said, dread painting his voice dark, and a cold fear stole over her. What could be wrong? Surely nothing with their flawless son, happy and content in her arms?

"The doctors … you were losing so much blood, Addie, and Dr. Cashew couldn't stop it. They had to do the hysterectomy while you were in there. It's done, and now … I'm sorry Adds."

"That's okay, I don't really mind," she said, and Derek's eyes widened. "I mean, maybe I will someday, but with him right now … I couldn't care less. And if we do want more kids, we can always adopt. I always knew … well, when realized I wanted him, I knew it was because I only had a few months left for him to have a chance to exist," she told him.

There was a knock on the door, and Dr. Cashew entered. "How are you feeling, Addison?"

"Pain-wise, I feel fine. Otherwise …" she looked at her fiancé and son. "Never better."

"It looks like you made the right choice after all," Dr. Cashew said, her eyes on Griffin.

"I don't know how we can thank you for everything you've done," Derek said fervently to Dr. Cashew. "You saved my fiancée and my son, and I don't even know your name."

"It was my pleasure, and my name's Cornelia," Dr. Cashew said as she left to give them some privacy. Derek burst out laughing the second she shut the door.

"You've gotta be kidding," he said between guffaws.

"Your Daddy is silly," Addison told Griffin as she prepared to feed him for the first time. "But we love him so much, don't we?"

* * *

**So we have the long-awaited baby Griffin! I hope everyone's happy with the way things turned out. I'm going to write a bit more about Addie and Derek and Griffin and then this story will be over :( But you can suggest something that you want me to put in ...**

* * *


	23. Part XXIII

**Paper Hearts  
Part XVIII  
1 year afterward**

**Well, this is a sort-of epilogue part, but there's one more chapter after this. I can't believe this story is almost over but I think it's naturally coming to a close, plus I have lots of other ideas to write. Oh, and I think I forgot to mention that Griffin in this story is named after the son of my friend who inspired this story. She is fine now and real-life Griffin is four :D**

* * *

_Most of our secrets we keep close to our chest. Those who we let get a glimpse of who we truly look like become our closest friends and family. But sometimes, when you love someone more than the earth and the stars and the sun itself, you get a sense for them and you begin to notice things they don't see themselves. And you love them even more for their flaws and quirks._

**Addison**

Addison slumped delicately onto a velvet poof, resting her perfectly coiffed head against the wall. She'd kicked Carolyn, Nancy, Kathleen, Erin, Connie, Naomi, Miranda and Callie out two minutes previously, needing more than a few seconds alone before her wedding.

In the hotel mirror, she saw an exhausted but happy-looking woman, her hair in an elaborate updo, her silk robe hanging loosely around a form that had luckily lost all baby weight. Addison fingered her pearl hair pins, a present from the cook that had raised her, Jean Pierre.

Today she would marry Derek, casting off her old, lonely, geeky life and taking on a new one with her husband and son. In three months, by Derek's calculations, they would be able to afford the house they'd been saving up for, and they were planning to take Griffin to the Bahamas that summer.

She sighed, gazing at the strapless Vera Wang dress that hung in the closet, a soft blue ribbon cutting across the lace bodice, which flowed down into a natural looking skirt. It was _the _dress, just like this spring day was _the _day and this hotel ballroom where they would become man and wife was nothing short of magical.

Addison smiled as she thought of her son. They'd celebrated his 1st birthday the week before, and he had taken one look at his animal cake before burying his face in it, so his curly dark red hair was frosted in every color of the rainbow. He'd looked extremely pleased with himself, laughing and waving triumphant hands in the air while Derek attempted to clean up his overalls before he opened his presents. His eyes hadn't changed color one bit; they were an exact copy of Derek's. Griffin was a heartbreaker before he was even able to walk, although he had taken a few steps during the rehearsal dinner.

There was a knock on the door and she rose to her feet to answer it, gliding towards the door while groaning internally. It was either Carolyn, insisting on doing her hair beyond perfection, or Callie, having thought of one more sex trick to do to Derek on her wedding night. But it wasn't either, in fact, it was her fiancé in all his pre-wedding glory, with a flawless black tux and every ebony wave perfect. In his arms was her son in a smaller version of Derek's tux, his wild red curls showing signs of attempted taming.

"Derek," she hissed. "You're not supposed to see me before the wedding, it's bad luck!" She quickly folded her robe over, concealing white lace panties.

"That's the dress, silly," he said, planting a kiss on her pouted lips, "and you're not superstitious enough to care."

"Daddy is a smarty pants," Addison told Griffin as she plucked him from Derek's arms.

"Mama!" he yelled, reaching for his favorite thing, her hair. She held him out in front of her while he squirmed and continued to talk in an unintelligible language.

"Griffie, don't touch Mommy's hair," she scolded jokingly.

"No! No!" he repeated. "No, Mama!"

"Hair? Can you say hair, Griffin?" she asked, but he only stared at her, smiling adorably. She was sure he could talk much better than he let on, the spark of intelligence in his sky blue eyes indicated that, but he rarely showed off his knowledge in front of her and Derek.

"He said 'red' for me earlier when we were looking in the mirror," Derek bragged.

"Sure," she teased. "I can't believe today's the day," she sighed.

"Today's the day," Derek exulted with a grin.

"Yay!" Griffin contributed.

"Well, buddy, we better leave Mommy to finish getting ready," Derek told his son, and Addison hugged his small body to hers, keeping hold for one more short instant. He smelled like baby shampoo and fruity candy.

"Derek, I told you not to give him gummy worms. It's not good for him," Addison told Derek, and he flinched guiltily.

"He likes them," he defended as he accepted the small boy back from her. Griffin curled a small fist around the opening of Derek's jacket and laid his head on his father's shoulder. She couldn't decide whether their son looked more like her or Derek, but it seemed to be a pretty even divide between the two of them.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Derek said as he turned to leave. He reached into his tux and pulled out a package wrapped in pale pink paper and placed it in her surprised arms. "I wanted to give you one of your wedding presents early."

"One of them?" she asked.

"I'll give you the other one when we're lying on the beach at sunset on our honeymoon," he teased, pecking her surprised lips.

"I'll meet you out there," Addison said when she recovered, clutching the present to her chest.

"I'll be the one with the biggest smile," Derek promised.

When he'd left, she threw herself onto the big white bed and dug a finger under the wrapping paper. It came away easily, revealing, to her surprise, a book. But it wasn't just any book; it looked like a scrapbook. The title said: _Everything you ever needed to know about Addison Forbes Montgomery soon-to-be Shepherd._

Her mouth fell open as she recalled her telling Derek, nearly an eternity ago now, that he would have to make a book for her husband telling him all the things he needed to know about her. They'd come so far … because now she was marrying the man who had been her best friend, the man she'd picked out of all the others to be the father of her child.

Carefully, she opened the cover and scanned the first page. It was carefully crafted and decorated, with flowing, curved numbers and several pictures. She squinted at the text.

_Everything you need to know about Addison Forbes Montgomery:_

_1. She's the most beautiful woman on the planet, although she'll deny it like nothing else.  
__2. Her favorite person in the world is her son, Griffin Shepherd.  
3. __Her two best friends are Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd, although she hates this picture of them._

Beside the words was a photo of Addison, Derek, and Mark at the Space Needle, their hair windblown and their ears red. There was also a picture of Griffin at the park, sitting the grass with red popsicle juice dripping down his chin.

It continued down to:

_7. Everyone always asks what color her eyes are, but she never has an answer. Sometimes they're blue, like the clearest ocean, or the sky on a sunny day. But other times they're green, like the dew-kissed grass surrounding our house, or the palm fronds that reach for the heavens. Sometimes they're mix of both. No wonder she never has time to explain what color they are, it would take too many words._

To:

_15. She loves cinnamon in her coffee._

And:

_49. She always smashes the bugs instead of letting them go, because she says there are too many bugs in the world. Even if you let them go outside, she'll follow you and smash them.  
50. __She used to bite her nails, but only when she was studying for anatomy tests in med school._

And it continued on throughout the entire book with accompanying pictures.

Even the tiniest details, things she was sure nobody ever noticed, were documented in the most loving way. The exact brand and smell of her shampoo, her favorite chips, the way she rested her chin on her fist when she was researching her medical cases, how she called her son 'Griffie' more often than Griffin.

Addison hugged the book to her chest and tried to keep from crying and ruining her make-up. All nervousness and tiredness was banished, she wanted to run out of the room and sprint down the isle just to tell Derek how much she loved him too. Because even though it had taken them an eternity to admit it, they were meant for each other and she was going to spend the rest of her life basking in that fact.

* * *

**The book is a reference to the end of chapter 6, in which Addison jokes that when she gets married, Derek will have to make a book for her husband telling him all the things he needs to know about her. I doubt anyone remembered that, but I planned this ending a long time ago. Anyway, tell me what you thought, and I'll have the final chapter out in a few days, which will probably take place six years later.**

* * *


	24. Part XXIV

**Paper Hearts  
Part XXIV  
6 years afterward**

**Wow, it is difficult for me to believe this story is over. I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoyed reading it, and I hope you like this ending. A sequel is extremely unlikely because I am focusing on my other stories, but I am writing lots more Addek!**

* * *

_Whatever you say or do, life changes. New becomes worn, young becomes old, and the people we thought we were are discarded for newer, shinier, supposedly improved models. We go on, hoping that with time life improves, but we do not always realize it is the people and not the events that make all the difference in the world._

**Griffin**

Seven year old Griffin Shepherd gazed up at the brilliant turquoise sky as he fought his way through the knee high emerald grass. The boy made it to a small creek and hopped carefully over, his dark red curls flying.

"Hurry up!" he called back over his shoulder to six year old Maya Bennett and five year old Hailey Sloan. "Grandma said to be back by 4 o'clock and it's already 3:59!"

"But Griffie, we found a frog!" Hailey called happily, holding up a handful of green.

"Yuck, it has warts, put it down, Hailey!" Maya squealed.

"No, those are toads, Maya," Griffin corrected. "But we have to come on or Grandma Carolyn will leave without us!"

The three children resumed running through the Seattle forest, their long, flying limbs collecting small cuts and scratches as they went. Griffin was the fastest, he far outstripped the other two girls, but they raced until they reached the shiny sliding glass door of Griffin's porch.

"4:04!" he panted. "We're four minutes late!"

"Griffin!" Carolyn Shepherd sang. "Come on, silly boy. Don't you want to see your parents?" She held open the door of Addison's SUV and the three sweaty kids climbed in. Griffin tapped his feet against the inside of the leather interior impatiently, occasionally throwing glances out the window as they headed to SeaTac. Hailey absentmindedly chewed her hair, which was dark as a starless night, until Carolyn reprimanded her and her hazel eyes grew wide.

"Are we there yet?" Maya wanted to know five minutes into the ride.

"No, honey, twenty more minutes," Carolyn promised.

"I can't wait anymore," Griffin moaned. "Mom and Dad have been gone for like ten years! I can hardly remember what they look like anymore."

"No, they've been gone for only three weeks. My Daddy said so," Hailey corrected in a superior voice.

"Smarty pants," Maya commented.

"Well, my Daddy is the best doctor in the world and he said so!" Hailey retorted.

"No, my Dad is the best doctor in the world!" Griffin argued.

"No, _my _Dad is!" Maya shrieked.

"My Daddy fixes people's faces," Hailey bragged. "And my Mommy fixes people's bones."

"Well mine fixes people's brains!" Griffin shouted. "And my Mom saves babies."

"My Dad helps people all over their body," Maya told them. "And my Mom makes people have babies."

"Ew!" Griffin said. "That's yucky."

"Why?" Hailey asked, eyes wide.

"Don't you two _know _how babies are made?" Griffin asked.

"Griffin!" Carolyn said warningly.

"Storks bring them," Maya sighed happily. "Storks are big white pretty birds."

"No, they're made by magic. Not birds," said Hailey. "My dad said when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, something magical happens."

"Well, I know how they're really made, and it's gross," Griffin said, wrinkling his nose.

"All right, that's quite enough!" Carolyn said from the front of the car, and the kids were silent until they reached the bustling airport, lit up in the dusky sky. Griffin craned his head impatiently when they entered; staring through the crowds of people, looking for his parents, while Maya and Hailey walked more serenely.

"Grandma, how far away is Thailand?" Griffin wanted to know.

"Very far away," she answered. "It's in Asia. They've probably been on a plane for about fifteen hours now."

"With the babies?" Griffin wanted to know. "Are babies in Thailand made the same way as babies here?"

"Yes and yes," Carolyn said patiently. "Look, that's their plane right there," she said, pointing out the window at a plane near the gate they were at. "They'll be out in a minute; they have to get their stuff for the babies."

Griffin slumped in a chair impatiently, his tolerance completely worn out after three weeks. He didn't want to look like a baby in front of Maya and Hailey, but he had really missed them. Grandma Carolyn gave him more ice cream, but his mother gave better hugs and his father wasn't too old to play _real _baseball with him. Griffin sighed dejectedly.

"I brought your sign for them," Carolyn said softly, ruffling his head of curls, and Griffin took the blue construction paper with the words 'Welcome Home, Mom and Dad!' and some of Hailey's glitter glue and held it in limp hands.

"What if Mom and Dad like the babies better than me?" he wanted to know. "What if they can't play with me anymore?" he worried.

"They'll play with you," Carolyn promised. "Look, this looks like them. Hold up your sign!"

Griffin set the sign on top of his head and stood on his tiptoes, but he was too short to see much of anything. He continued looking diligently, however, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Mom!" he shouted, the sign falling forgotten from his hands as he launched himself at her.

"Hey, buddy! Careful," she said as she adjusted the baby resting in her arms. "Did you miss me?"

"So much! Never leave again," he said. "Next time we can just adopt some babies from down the street or something," he told her, and she laughed. "I wish I could have gone to Thailand. What's it like?"

"Wet. Humid. Lots of jungle," she said. "We have pictures. Maybe you can go next time, if we take the twins back to see it in a few years. Now, do you want to meet your sister?" She pulled a small pink bundle away from her chest and inside it he saw a dark haired, caramel skinned baby, with large chocolate colored eyes and tiny fists. It surprised him, but there was something special about the baby girl in all her tiny perfection.

"She's all right, I suppose," he said gruffly, but he suspected she saw right through him when she kissed his forehead. "What's her name?"

"Malee," Addison answered. "It means flower. She looks like a little flower, huh?" Malee Shepherd yawned, stretching teenie, thin limbs, her berry lips parting to reveal a miniscule pink tongue. "You want to hold her?" Addison asked.

"Will I break her?" Griffin asked.

"No, she's three months old. You won't break her," Addison promised, and then set the baby in his arms, tucking her in like a football. Her puff of dark hair tickled his chin, and Addison smoothed down her pink onesie, which was gathered around her stomach. Malee's eyes were slightly slanted and her cheeks were endearingly chubby. She couldn't have looked different than him, but he felt a sort of kinship with her even though they weren't truly related.

"What do you think?" a voice asked behind him, and Derek stepped around him, carrying a blue blanket. Griffin grinned widely and his father gave him a one armed squeeze and touched Malee's nose softly.

"I guess she was worth having you gone in Thailand for three weeks," Griffin admitted grudgingly. "Now can I see my brother?"

Derek knelt and held the baby boy up by his sister. They looked almost exactly identical, except that Malee had tiny diamond earrings. "His name is Aran, it means forest in Thai," Derek told him as one of Aran's soft little hands brushed Griffin's chin. He had the same onesie as his sister, but in blue.

"Malee Addison Shepherd and Aran Derek Shepherd. It sounds vain, huh?" Addison joked, running a hand under her baby son's tiny chin.

"Hey," said Griffin. "You have children named after a magical creature, a flower and a bunch of trees. You're weird."

"You can name the next one," Addison promised.

"The next one that we're not getting for at least five years," Derek added firmly.

"Well, we better get these babies home, eh, big brother?" Addison asked, bumping his shoulder playfully and then scooping his little sister out of his arms.

"I always wanted to be a brother," Griffin admitted as they left. "But I didn't know you were going to adopt such teenie children."

"All babies are this size," Derek told him.

"I wasn't. I was really big," Griffin argued.

"No, you weren't, because I was the one who almost had to push you out of my –"

"Okay, Mom!" Griffin said quickly. "I didn't need to hear that.

"All right, all right," Addison laughed, trying to juggle Malee and the diaper bag in her arms. Together the little family left the airport, Griffin explaining all the games he wanted to play with Malee and Aran while Addison and Derek explained that they were too little to play all the games. It was difficult to believe that so much love and so much utter happiness were born of a single question asked eight years ago.

_**The End**_

* * *


End file.
